A Depressed Kendo Player Possesses a Bastard Aristocrat
chapter-2-1

Regret and Opportunity

A cozy feeling enveloped my entire body.

Warm air flowed into my lungs with each breath I took.

My body was drained of all its strength, and my mind was hazy.

It felt like I was swimming in a warm bath.

'This is... death.'

My last memory was of throwing myself off the roof of a building.

I fell from the 20th floor of an apartment building, so I must be dead for sure.

I exhaled, stretching myself out in the cozy sensation.

'It's soft... and fluffy...'

Is this what they call the embrace of death?

To think that I'm only feeling this peace, which I haven't felt even once in the past 10 years since I first held a sword, after death.

It left a slightly bitter taste in my mouth.

'It was really so hard...'

It doesn't matter anymore.

Because the death I longed for so much has come to me.

Death is an endless sleep.

Eternal rest that will lead me to a world of dreams.

The hellish days I endured every day.

My father's cold words and gaze.

The image of myself desperately struggling to be loved.

None of it exists anymore.

Because I'm dead.

I don't have to do anything anymore.

Just indulge in the endless sleep and enjoy the peaceful rest...

'.....Huh?'

As I lay there, I tilted my head at the sudden sense of incongruity.

I had clearly died, but...

How am I 'thinking'?

My brain must have turned to mush after falling from that height.

'How is this possible...?'

At the same time as that question arose in my mind.

I felt my hazy consciousness becoming clearer.

And soon after, a pain like my head was splitting open struck my brain.

With that terrible sensation, I sat up abruptly from my lying position and groaned.

"Ugh, uhk...!?"

It hurt so much.

It felt like my skull was shattering, and its contents were spilling out.

As I held my forehead for a moment due to the pain, I soon frowned, noticing something strange.

My head, which should have been shattered, was... perfectly intact.

My fingertips felt my messy hair.

No matter how much I fumbled, there were no injuries.

"......?"

That wasn't the only strange thing.

An even more incomprehensible sight unfolded before my eyes.

Trees that reached as high as the sky.

Light green leaves rustled whenever the wind blew.

The vast sky was visible beyond the trees, and the fragrant scent of grass tickled my nose.

I stared blankly at it all and muttered.

"A forest...?"

Yes, it was a forest.

To my bewilderment, I was currently lying in the middle of a forest.

Questions, bewilderment, and a sense of incongruity swirled in my head.

What is this?

Have I finally gone mad?

Or have I come to the afterlife after my head was smashed from the fall?

As I looked around, lost in thought.

An unfamiliar mechanical sound rang in my ears.

-Ding!

[You have possessed 'Raiden Lishite', the eldest son of the Duke Lishite family!]

[Welcome back!]

At the same time, a light blue screen appeared before my eyes.

What is commonly called a 'status window' in the world appeared in the air.

Seeing that sight, I was able to grasp the situation belatedly.

"So..."

Damn it.

I've finally lost it.

.

.

.

Maybe this is also a form of mental illness.

Suffering from depression and obsession, I finally went over the edge.

This situation is all my delusion.

My body in reality is probably a cold corpse, growing colder.

There's that possibility, isn't there?

Like a flashback you experience right before death.

It could be that I'm dreaming due to some strange activity in my brain.

-Ding!

[You are alive.]

[This is reality, and you are currently in a state of possessing 'Raiden Lishite'.]

How can I believe that?

It would be more realistic to say that I failed my suicide attempt and am in a coma.

......Of course, considering the height I fell from, even that seems impossible.

At least it's more realistic than this absurd situation.

-Ding!

[You have possessed 'Raiden Lishite'.]

[Congratulations on your return.]

"Shut up."

In the end.

It took me quite a while to accept this reality.

The status window kept insisting that I was fine.

I told it to shut up and ignored it several times.

A fierce battle with no room for compromise.

In the end, it was I who surrendered.

If this is a delusion or a dream, there would be no such thing as pain.

I tried breaking my pinky finger with the intention of testing it.

With a cracking sound, excruciating pain shot through me.

"Ahhk...?!"

At that point, I couldn't help but believe it.

All five senses were responding, my mind was clear, and the pain was working properly.

Not facing the situation properly at this point was nothing but escapism.

-Always keep your mind sharp.

-It's important to read the sword path calmly, without thinking that what you know is all there is to the world.

My father's teachings briefly came to mind, but I shook my head.

Even my father wouldn't have heard of a situation like this.

As I held my throbbing hand, lost in thought, the blue window popped up again.

-Ding!

[Self-harm is not good.]

[Excessive self-destructive tendencies can lead to mental disorders and suicidal urges.]

"What are you talking about?"

I'm in a body that has already committed suicide.

Why should I care about preserving it?

Besides, I've experienced the pain of broken bones many times in my previous life.

It's a sensation you never get used to, no matter how many times you go through it...

Well, thanks to that, I was able to recognize more clearly that this situation is real.

It was fine.

"It's just one finger."

-Ding!

[User's mental state confirmed to be abnormal.]

[Developing countermeasures according to basic guidelines for symptoms of depression, including mental illness......]

I looked at the status window, chattering to itself.

I no longer thought this was my dream or delusion.

But that didn't mean I wasn't bewildered by the current situation.

"A status window... something you only see in novels."

I tapped on the translucent screen.

The blunt font characters blinked on it.

The name 'Raiden Lishite', which had been emphasized repeatedly.

It was a very familiar name.

Because he was one of the characters in my favorite novel.

"Possession..."

The outline began to become clear.

Isn't it just like the stories in common novels?

The protagonist, who has faced death, receives a new opportunity in the form of possession, a classic storyline.

A popular beginning that everyone would enjoy.

However, the difference between them in the book and me is......

"......Why am I caught up in this again?"

I had no will to live left.

The dream I had longed for all my life had crumbled.

I was abandoned by the person I wanted to be loved by.

All the people around me who treated me kindly met their downfall because of me.

"I didn't need this kind of opportunity."

I was just so tired.

I just wanted to disappear quietly.

Now it's even preventing me from dying.

How much more broken and miserable do I have to be to find peace?

The sorrow buried deep inside began to seep out.

Lethargy, despair, emptiness.

They all approached me as if they had a physical form.

Rough emotions struck my face and choked me, but I didn't resist.

Yes.

Let it break my neck once more.

So that this hateful sound of breathing and the noise of the world no longer ring in my ears.

Let the curtain fall on the stage of my life.

"......"

Overwhelmed by melancholy, I quietly closed my eyes.

And I stuck out my tongue.

Suicide was hard the first time, the second time shouldn't be difficult.

I comforted myself by repeating that.

Just as my teeth were about to sever the thread of life once more.

-Ding!

[I can fulfill your wish.]