Become a Star
chapter-14

Cha Hyun-Seung stood in the street on a rainy night, looking up longingly at the five-story building. From the look in his eyes, one could tell that he was very worried. He could not take his eyes off the light emitting from Na Mi-Yeon’s studio apartment, as though he missed looking at her face, which he had not seen in days.

“Cha Hyun-Seung?” As Park Ji-Hyuk came out of Na Mi-Yeon’s apartment, he found Cha Hyun-Seung standing there and called out to him, tilting his head to one side with a puzzled look.

“Are you here to visit Mi-Yeon? She hasn’t been admitted to the hospital, so there’s no need for you to come here,” said Park Ji-Hyuk.

In other words, none of her classmates or friends had come to visit her. They had only told her to take care of herself after finding out that she was down with a cold. The image of Cha Hyun-Seung standing there with a takeout box bearing the logo of a porridge restaurant in his hand, in the middle of the night, looked rather strange.

“Mi-Yeon is sleeping right now, so even if you go to her apartment, you can’t even see her. Did you buy that for Mi-Yeon?” asked Park Ji-Hyuk, pointing to the bag with the porridge in it.

Cha Hyun-Seung nodded. He had bought it for her, but he did not buy it thinking that he could actually give it to her. Feeling embarrassed, standing there pointlessly by himself with numb feet, his face turned visibly red even though it was dark at night.

“Hmm, I’m sorry, but I can’t give that to Mi-Yeon. You can’t give cheap porridge with unknown ingredients to a sick patient.”

Cha Hyun-Seung was at a loss for words upon hearing Park Ji-Hyuk speak without malice. He was only a man who was concerned about the woman he loved. For the first time, shame could be seen on his face that was already bright red.

Park Ji-Hyuk stared at Cha Hyun-Seung and asked innocently, “Did you fall for Mi-Yeon? Well, it’s not surprising, because she’s a lovely girl.”

He spoke casually, as if he had just learned a fact that was neither ridiculous nor jealousy-inducing. The confidence he had that Cha Hyun-Seung’s feelings had no effect on their love turned into indifference, which soon led to disregard.

“Mi-Yeon is sleeping, so please leave. I have to go back in after smoking a cigarette.” Park Ji-Hyuk smiled brightly as he took out his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and shook it. Even though he seemed rather spiteful, one could also argue that he was just a naive, sheltered rich boy.

Cha Hyun-Seung turned around and left with the porridge that he was unable to give to Na Mi-Yeon. As he walked away, Park Ji-Hyuk was busy lighting his cigarette while holding an umbrella, and did not even shoot him a glance at all. A small speck of light shone over Cha Hyun-Seung’s shoulder as a thin wisp of smoke began to rise.

At the end of the alley, Cha Hyun-Seung suddenly looked back after standing at the corner of the alley for a while, staring blankly. Before he knew it, Park Ji-Hyuk had finished smoking his cigarette. He did not see the latter going up to the studio apartment. When he looked up and looked for Na Mi-Yeon’s unit, the light in her apartment had already gone out. He had to put the cumbersome umbrella behind his back in order to look up, as it was blocking the view of her apartment. Without the umbrella sheltering him, Cha Hyun-Seung lifted his head, allowing the rain to fall on his face.

Raindrops ran down his hair and forehead, pooling around his eyes before dripping down his face. It looked as if he were crying, but the droplets were not tears. He had no expression on his face. He simply looked indifferent. At that moment, he started revealing one emotion through his eyes. Up until now, Cha Hyun-Seung had only loved Na Mi-Yeon silently from afar. The very first emotion he showed in a long time was despair.

“Cut!”

Even though the scene was over, Chae Woo-Jin merely stood there in a daze. Choi Yi-Geon approached him with caution, seeing how Woo-Jin was unable to come to his senses even though the water sprinkler had been turned off and everyone was already diligently cleaning up. It was a situation where Woo-Jin could not snap out of character even after the scene was over, struggling with the waves of emotion.

Choi Yi-Geon had seen that happen every now and then, so he went to pat Woo-Jin gently on the shoulder. Woo-Jin only came to his senses after that. He glanced over his shoulder and shifted his gaze toward Choi Yi-Geon. Choi Yi-Geon nodded in response to Woo-Jin, whose eyes were filled with tears that were not shed during the shooting. It was as if Choi Yi-Geon had already known what Woo-Jin was going through without him saying a single word.

“Director?” Woo-Jin asked.

“I know how you feel. You must have a lot on your mind right now,” said Choi Yi-Geon.

It was normal for Woo-Jin to feel disconcerted, when reality did not seem real and he could not distinguish whether the world of the movie he acted in was real or fake.

“Still, no tears. Cha Hyun-Seung doesn’t shed any tears,” the director continued.

Woo-Jin looked at Choi Yi-Geon, who was relieved that the tears had not been captured on screen. He asked, “I’m sorry?”

“If your version of Cha Hyun-Seung were a loser, he might have cried a couple of times. But your version of Cha Hyun-Seung is a firm and strong man. He wouldn't cry over this.”

Choi Yi-Geon was speaking to him as if he were warmly coaxing a child. It was very foreign and rather creepy. Thus, it helped Woo-Jin snap out of his trance and come to his senses, but he could not comprehend what Choi Yi-Geon was saying.

“Why would Cha Hyun-Seung be crying?” asked Woo-Jin.

“You’re crying right now, no?” Choi Yi-Geon asked him a question in response.

“I’m the one crying though, not Cha Hyun-Seung.”

“Huh? Why are you crying, then?”

Upon hearing Choi Yi-Geon’s question, Woo-Jin hesitated for a moment and looked around. Even though everyone was paying attention to their conversation, they managed to fool Woo-Jin as they pretended to be focused on their tasks. So, he came clean and told Choi Yi-Geon how he truly felt.

“Earlier on, in the last part of the scene, I was suddenly reminded of the time my ex-girlfriend wanted to break up with me out of the blue. I shouldn’t have done that… I was thinking about something else while I was acting… because it was so sad and full of despair…”

“Ah, I see. So that’s what happened…” replied Choi Yi-Geon in a staccato tone, like a robot.

In other words, in the historic moment of his career, the swooning ‘look of despair’ on Woo-Jin’s face earlier belonged to Chae Woo-Jin himself, and not Cha Hyun-Seung. Despite how today’s crappy shooting had unfolded, this was the only scene Choi Yi-Geon was satisfied with for the day. And that facial expression from the scene was the one he loved and was pleased with. Choi Yi-Geon kept those thoughts to himself, not saying them out loud.

Looking at Choi Yi-Geon’s facial expression, Woo-Jin asked in a discouraged voice, “Perhaps we should shoot that scene again?”

“No!” Choi Yi-Geon cried. How can I possibly shoot that again? He tried to suppress his thoughts and forced himself to give Woo-Jin a gracious smile. “Even though that wasn’t acting, it wasn’t bad. Let’s just leave it at that.”

In truth, it was a decision that went against Choi Yi-Geon Yi-Geon’s values. Even if it was a memorable scene, based on what Woo-Jin had said, it was not acting. Even though he felt strongly against producing anything that was not real acting, he could not give up on that scene. There was no guarantee that they could shoot a better scene if they were to do it again.

“But it’s very unsettling to me. Even though there were many outtakes today, I want to do a perfect job…”

“It. Is. Perfect. Enough! So don’t have any weird thoughts!”

Directors were people who would do anything to shoot the scenes they wanted. Choi Yi-Geon realized that he himself was no exception as well. On the other hand, actors could only speak via acting.

Woo-Jin felt that what he had done earlier was not acting—it was only a scrap of emotion. While having these thoughts as an actor was new to him, he wanted to keep his stance. “It’s not that I have weird thoughts. It’s just really absurd…”

Choi Yi-Geon covered Woo-Jin’s mouth with his hand and told him that he was already having weird thoughts. That was when Choi Yi-Geon had suddenly remembered what Woo-Jin had said earlier about his ex-girlfriend breaking up with him. At that moment, Choi Yi-Geon had a sad gaze, as he looked at Woo-Jin trapped in his arms.

The despair, the only emotion reflected in Woo-Jin’s expressionless face during the last part of the scene, was real. It was terrible how that was nothing but Woo-Jin’s sincerity, which led Choi Yi-Geon to wonder how that had happened. What kind of love had Woo-Jin experienced at such a young age, for him to have come to know that type of despair?

“Hey everyone, since we’re done with shooting today, why don’t we have a get-together?”

The word ‘get-together’ came out of the mouth of Choi Yi-Geon Yi-Geon, a person who hated the culture of Korean get-togethers. In his head, he could not think of anything else to manage this situation in a natural way. All he could think of was a get-together, which would be well-received by everyone in this uncomfortable situation.

Choi Yi-Geon was not the only person who felt awkward. The people who had been pretending not to be listening in on the conversation, were somewhat flustered because they did not know how to deal with the sad and awkward ambience. Fortunately, everybody was in agreement pertaining to Choi Yi-Geon’s suggestion for a get-together, and they rejoiced. As they cheered, Woo-Jin didn’t have a choice but to nod, as he couldn’t possibly be the only person to object.

He had learned that once he messed up a scene or shot a scene that he was unhappy with, regardless of how unsettled he might feel, there was no way for him to reverse it. In the early stage of becoming an actor and learning new things one by one, how dangerous was it to have trivial thoughts while acting? Regardless of how good the outcome was, he himself had to bear the shame of knowing the full truth. From now on, whenever he looked at the scene that was taken earlier, Woo-Jin would be secretly ashamed of himself and find it disgraceful. For the first time, Woo-Jin was conscious of how terrifying it was that videos would remain accessible to everyone forever.

***

Choi Yi-Geon managed to skirt around Woo-Jin’s request to shoot the scene again by using the get-together as an excuse. He smiled happily at first. He thought about how get-togethers were not necessarily a bad thing, and decided to hold them every now and then.

However, four hours into the event, he realized the culture of such get-togethers in Korea was very tiring and inelegant.

“We’re heading back now, right?” asked Choi Yi-Geon.

For the first round, they went to a charcoal grilled ribs restaurant. After that, they went to a Korean bar, before going to a karaoke place at dawn. The remaining people who had gone to all three places were the ones staying at the motel.

The two main leads disappeared at some point after they had left the Korean bar. Lucky people, Choi Yi-Geon thought. He envied the people who were not present, as he tried to straighten his defenseless body.

Since his co-workers asked when they would have another get-together, Choi Yi-Geon changed his mind and told himself that he would not hold one ever again in the future. Do you think I’ll show you this unsightly side of me, that’s drunk and disheveled, again?

As he made up his mind, the view before him gradually became more and more slanted as he fell to the side. What could this feeling of warm and cozy fabric touching my face be?

He struggled to open his eyes that were about to close. Looking straight ahead, he could see Chae Woo-Jin holding the microphone. Listening to the introduction, it was Yim Jae-Beom’s ‘Confession’.

“Nooooooooo~”

How dare you sing a forbidden song at karaoke? Furthermore, of all the songs, why was a broken-hearted man singing that particular song? He tried to reach his hand out in a bid to stop Woo-Jin from singing it, but his body would not obey him.

“What should be done~ What should I do?”

When Woo-Jin’s song started, Choi Yi-Geon lamented to himself about what to do with Woo-Jin. You’re definitely going to feel so embarrassed when you wake up in the morning. But you sing really well.

Choi Yi-Geon looked at Woo-Jin as he slowly closed his eyes. His evaluation of Woo-Jin as an actor was put on hold, as he could not come to a conclusion on whether Woo-Jin was a good actor or a bad one.

However, if Woo-Jin was able to express himself through his acting like the last scene he had shot today, Choi Yi-Geon was confident that Woo-Jin would become a great actor. He considered an actor to be beautiful as long as they acted well, regardless of their appearance.

If what Woo-Jin had said was true, it would mean he had used a trick today. It was such a great scene that Choi Yi-Geon had approved it, even though it was not actual acting. It was personally a shame, but he had no choice but to give it the green light. It was against his own rules, but Chae Woo-Jin’s appearance that had been captured on camera was truly beautiful.