Civil Servant in Romance Fantasy
chapter-108

༺ Single, 21 years old, and very influential (3) ༻

The club members came to the territory because of the Emperor, so it was safe to say that the Emperor had eyes and ears plastered all over the place. With that kind of security, one could argue that it was safer than my mansion in the capital, which was guarded by the Masked Unit.

Of course, just because the Emperor ensured the members’ safety didn’t mean I could let my guard down. Slacking off in the Emperor’s presence was like saying, ‘Since His Majesty is watching, I think I’ll take a break,’ with a straight face.

This was especially true when dealing with the Emperor, whose paranoia and obsession with imperial power were at their peak.

If a subordinate somehow sensed the plans the Emperor hadn’t directly spoken to them about and tried to play smart, His Majesty would probably knock them down right away for being insolent. There had been countless times in history when a subordinate tried to rise above the monarch and ended up ‘ascending to the heavens’ (getting executed) instead.

“It’s Erich’s house, so tone it down.”

“Whoa, I can’t wait to get back to the capital.”

That’d be even better.

In any case, I needed to show my diligent work to the Emperor’s eyes and ears, wherever they would be. That was why I was personally guiding the members to their rooms.

Honestly, I came here because of Mother’s invitation, so there was really no need for all this. But with the thought that the emperor might be watching, I had to be active. Your Majesty, you’re watching, right? Look how diligent I am.

“You can stay in this room, Mar.”

“…?”

“Mar?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I was thinking about something else for a moment.”

“It’s alright. It happens.”

After assigning rooms to the pastry club and Irina, the only one left was Marghetta. However, she seemed quite distracted, unlike usual.

Ever since we entered the mansion, she had been looking around and she seemed preoccupied, even now. I hope there isn’t something wrong with her.

“If you need anything, just ask the servants, or come to me.”

“I’ll do that. Thanks for your concern, Carl.”

I nodded to Marghetta, who smiled gently, and then moved on. After all, I had my own tasks to handle.

Before I showed them their rooms, Mother invited me to have tea with her once I was done. When a mother calls, a son must answer, right?

‘I didn’t expect her to call me so quickly.’

Still, wrapping things up earlier was always good. It meant that I could head back sooner.

Mother was in the rear garden of the mansion. A tea table had already been set up, and refreshments were prepared. Did I arrive too late?

“Mother.”

“You’re here. Take a seat.”

A maid immediately poured tea as I sat across her. Looking around, I saw the head maid behind Mother, and assisting her were about six other maids. It was quite the crowd for a simple tea gathering.

“Head maid, how have you been?”

I decided to greet the head maid first. Even though she was just an employee, she also held the unique title of Mother’s childhood friend and also my nanny. Even the head butler would think twice before crossing her.

“Having the young master ask about my well-being takes away my fatigue.”

“That’s good to hear.”

The head maid responded with a smile that naturally warmed people’s hearts. She had known me since I was a baby, so such fondness was probably understandable for her.

‘I can’t get used to it.’

On the other hand, the affection the head maid showed me felt embarrassingly overwhelming. Even if she was my nanny, it wasn’t like I personally experienced being raised by her.

Calling her ‘nanny’ was fine with me, but there wasn’t any emotional attachment. I didn’t really feel any fondness towards my own parents, either, so it would be odd to feel that way towards her.

So while Erich always affectionately called her ‘nanny,’ I was adamant about calling her ‘head maid’. At first, she seemed a little hurt by the title, but she eventually came around, thinking it was just teenage rebellion.

‘Am I still going through puberty at 21 years old?’

A nanny’s heart towards a child was incredibly forgiving.

“How were the guests?”

“There were no complaints. I arranged everything, so you don’t need to worry.”

“That’s a relief. I was concerned about impressing such esteemed guests.”

As I glanced at the head maid’s smile, I heard Mother’s voice. There was a hint of fatigue in it. It seemed the recent invitation had taken a toll on her.

It wasn’t surprising. After all, this was supposed to be a simple gathering with her sons, but royalty then showed up. I already felt worried after being invited, so I could only imagine how Mother, the hostess, felt.

“They’re kind and cheerful people. They’ll just stay here as guests and leave without any issues.”

I tried to comfort her after sensing her distress. Having suffered from them myself, I could completely understand her feelings.

Besides, while those idiots had a reputation for causing trouble, they weren’t the type to flaunt their status and cause a scene. They were genuinely here as guests.

However, saying that might make them look too idealistic. The problem was that they didn’t show this side of them to their subordinates.

“Thank you for telling me that.”

Still, Mother seemed a little relieved by my words, and she smiled softly in response. The head maid behind her also wore a contented smile, but I chose to ignore it.

“…Have you been well?”

After a brief silence, Mother finally spoke, though it felt a bit redundant.

The head maid, perhaps sensing the awkwardness, gently nudged Mother’s back. Then, it seemed like Mother realized her mistake, her face filled with obvious embarrassment. She had already asked about my well-being earlier at the mansion’s entrance. Why was she asking me twice in one day?

“Of course. It’d be laughable if a man from the Krasius family was weak.”

“Yes, that’s true. That’s a good point.”

‘What’s going on?’

Seriously, what’s this all about?

I couldn’t understand the context. I had no clue what topic she was hinting at or why she was behaving this way.

I glanced at the head maid, wondering if she knew something. However, she looked just as confused.

“Speaking of which, about Erich…”

After much deliberation, I finally broke the silence. Mother might never get to the main point if we just sat in silence, so I decided to steer the conversation until she was ready to speak.

So, I used Erich as a buffer. I’m sorry, Erich. Just do Mother and me a favor and lend me your name for a bit.

***

This is strange. I’ve already prepared what I wanted to say to Carl, but my lips won’t move. I had so much I wanted to say, and so much that had to be said.

‘This isn’t right.’

I had called him here despite his busy schedule. He must have just finished his tasks. I was already asking for a lot to make him stay, so I should quickly fulfill my purpose and let him return to his duties.

But all I’ve done was repeat pointless greetings in front of him. It’s so embarrassing especially when Laura nudged me from behind, looking just as flabbergasted.

‘This can’t go on.’

This was meant to be an honest conversation with Carl. A moment I mustered courage for, a chance to address our unconventional mother-son relationship and bridge the gap.

“They’re kind and cheerful people. They’ll just stay here as guests and leave without any issues.”

Carl even tried to reassure me first. It was sweet, but this wasn’t how it should’ve been. As a mother, I should be the one comforting my child, not the other way around. I should be the one who was there for him.

But how do I do that?

Whenever I try to say what I had prepared, my mouth just wouldn’t cooperate.

Do I even have the right to say these things now? That question kept haunting me.

“At Krasius family, we have our own way of doing things. We’ve lived by it, which is why we’ve earned the imperial family’s favor.”

Those were the words Billy always said when our lovely sons, Carl and Erich, were born.

He meant to leave the upbringing of the kids to him since the Krasius family had their own methods. I simply agreed to it. After all, the two boys would carry on Krasius’ legacy. If the family had its traditions, then we should follow them.

“The role of a wife is crucial, too. It’d be a problem if the kids didn’t have a place to let loose.”

During their education, I was told not to be too indulgent with the kids. I couldn’t understand. How could I not adore those small, cute kids? Did that even make sense?

But the living proof was right in front of me. Billy grew up that way. His father, grandfather, great-grandfather, and all the generations before them were raised the same way. And the result? The 300-year-old prestigious and noble lineage of Krasius.

Clearly, it worked. So, was I right to go against this 300-year-old tradition? Would my stubbornness and guilt ruin a lineage of 300 years? Was I willing to ruin the future of my two children and my relationship with Billy?

“Okay, if it’s for the kids.”

In the end, I followed Billy’s words. Looking back now, I was so young and naive back then. If Billy had said that to me now, I would have grabbed him by the collar and shook him. It was only natural to show love to my children.

From then on, I only watched the kids from a distance instead of hugging them. If they got hurt, I had the caretaker send herbs. If their training was too intense, I’d ask the chef to pay special attention to their meals. If they seemed to have caught a cold, I’d send a priest.

Every time I did those things, I felt proud inside.

Yes, I love my children. I’m always watching over them. I’m fulfilling my duties as a mother.

Those were such foolish thoughts. Children crave their parent’s simple touch or a hug more than anything. And by the time I realized that, it was already too late.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

Five years ago, Carl fell from a horse and lost consciousness. Fortunately, he woke up soon after, but the expression on his face when he opened his eyes was something I could never forget.

It was as if he was looking at someone else and not his mother. It felt like he was resenting me for only worrying about him when he was on the brink of death.

From then on, I couldn’t pretend to care from afar anymore. Nor did I have the courage to ask for forgiveness.

Time mercilessly moved on while I hesitated.

My child was changing into someone I didn’t recognize. No… what did I know about him in the first place?

“Eusenia. How long are you going to be like this for?”

During those days, I hid behind the excuse that Carl was too busy to meet me, and also when Erich left for the Academy, leaving me utterly alone. Laura, unable to stand it any longer, broke the silence. She asked me how long I was going to keep doing this and when I’d stop turning a blind eye.

Laura scolded me for what felt like ages. From her perspective as the nanny of the two children, a birth mother with a strained relationship with her kids must’ve looked terrible.

But thanks to Laura, I gathered the courage. Yes, I should at least beg for forgiveness for the times I had neglected them. And if that’s not enough, then even more.

Thankfully, Carl and Erich came to the territory. They gave another chance to someone they probably didn’t want to associate with anymore.

“Speaking of which, about Erich…”

Then, during a gathering I organized to individually ask for their forgiveness, Carl brought up Erich.

It was heartwarming. A mother and elder brother discussing the younger brother’s life at the Academy. Such a harmonious and typical scene. Did I deserve such a moment?

I got too carried away, forgetting the fact that I was the guilty party, and blurted out—

“I hope he finds a compatible partner at the Academy.”

“Is that so?”

Carl’s expression hardened slightly, as if to say, ‘Do you have the right to say that?’

I felt my tears welling up.

***

Mother’s words left me speechless.

‘A compatible partner?’

Erich did have someone in mind. The fatal problem was that it was an unrequited love.

‘What should I do?’

Should I mention to her that Erich was in fierce competition with an imperial prince, two foreign princes, and a saint candidate?

Hiding things from one’s parents was unfilial, but so was causing them to worry. So, was staying silent the best way? But was it really right to hide things about someone’s child?

‘Damn it.’

I found myself deep in thought for a moment. This was such a difficult problem…

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