Civil Servant in Romance Fantasy
chapter-113

༺ Something I Would Overcome Someday (2) ༻

That day was just like today. The same dark sky that seemed to mock me then seemed to be laughing at me now. Louise must have felt the same way.

When you’re having a bad day and it rains, the misery doubles, and the memories become embedded deeply in your mind. It rained that day, bringing me that sense of despair. Now, it inevitably brought back those memories every time it rained.

‘I must have done something bad in my past life.’

It felt like I must have betrayed something, maybe even a nation, and earned considerable hatred from someone. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have suddenly found myself possessing someone else’s body in another world, nor would I have been dragged into a battlefield within a year of that possession. Whether it was Enen who hated me or some other being, I couldn’t be sure.

To be honest, I could understand that much. Even in other novels, possessions usually happen out of the blue, and crises and trials are part of the package. But usually, after overcoming such trials, there should be a happy ending. So why didn’t I get my happy ending?

I don’t know if someone is messing with my fate, but if there is, then I’d like to grab them by the collar and ask them if they’re satisfied with causing such chaos in my life.

If they disliked me so much, they should have just taken me instead of involving others.

‘I should’ve been the one to die.’

It was such an absurd turn of events. It felt like the world was hell-bent on taking Hecate away from me.

Our fellow team managers, who were like family to us in the North, died. But Hecate could hold on back then because I survived.

She was severely injured in the battle with Kagan. Still, she held on because there were also people she needed to care for.

But then, those very people she needed to look after also died. Hecate couldn’t hold on any longer. Once her reason to endure vanished, she just collapsed.

“I’m sorry, Carl.”

Hecate left for a distant journey from the orphanage where she grew up. In a remote northern orphanage where she was sure there would be no one, amidst the bodies of those whom she believed to be alive.

Hecate didn’t abandon the northern orphanage even during the war. She pleaded with the Minister, who was the Manager of the 4th Division back then, to ensure that the people of the orphanage could evacuate to safety. The Minister reported this to the Executive Manager of that time.

That bastard said he understood. After that, Hecate regularly sent money to the Prosecutors’ Office to be used for the living expenses of the people in the orphanage. He agreed and took the money. At that time, the other team managers and I had also contributed.

The outcome was devastating.

“Hecate. I’ll also…”

“No. I’ll do it alone. Yes, it’s my duty.”

I had considered them family even though I’ve never met them since they were precious to Hecate. These were the people I had told Hecate not to worry about, promising to employ them as our servants once she became the Countess.

I had to witness Hecate silently burying those people. Unable to cremate the bodies which were burnt in the fire, she buried them following pagan rites.

Luckily, Hecate didn’t have to dig for long. The rain had softened the earth, and most of the bodies were small.

And the next day, Hecate set off on a journey to join those people, a journey from which she would never return.

‘If only I had known.’

If Hecate had heard that news during the war, she wouldn’t have been so devastated. Even though she would have been shocked, she wouldn’t have fallen apart since there were many people to support her.

But with five of them gone and Hecate herself gravely injured, her spirit was unstable. How could she cope when she received such news on her way back to the capital?

“How could this happen?! We thought this issue had been resolved!”

Afterward, I was so infuriated that I felt like I was going crazy. The Minister and I stormed into the Executive Manager’s office and confronted him.

That bastard of an Executive Manager spouted excuses like it was too late when he received the report and that he hid it, fearing it would interfere with our mission. Bullshit. If it was really too late, at least the bodies should have been recovered.

I was livid. I wanted to kill that bastard. The Minister seemed to feel the same as he grinded his teeth in anger.

So, we killed him. The Crown Prince, who was aiming to take control of the Ministry of Finance and the Prosecutors’ Office at that time, fortunately provided us with backup. That allowed us to legally take action.

‘I never thought I’d be given the responsibility to handle the aftermath.’

I assumed someone else would take over the Ministry of Finance.

After that, I learned that Hecate’s severe injuries from the war would eventually leave her disabled. I was overwhelmed for a while, but time passed, and here I was.

“Oppa, I feel dizzy…”

“Ah, I’m sorry.”

I must have unconsciously applied too much force while I was distracted. Instead of simply ruffling Louise’s hair, I ended up shaking her head back and forth.

I’m sorry. I meant to be more gentle.

‘You’ve had it even tougher than me.’

I watched Louise carefully fix her hair as I withdrew my hand. At least I was an adult when I had to let go of Hecate. Hecate even apologized to me until the end.

Louise, on the other hand, was only eight years old when it happened. Moreover, the last thing she heard from her sister wasn’t an apology or a farewell but a curse. She suffered even more than I did.

Being the protagonist of the original story, her trials seemed fitting for a hero. But in this case, it would have been better if she wasn’t the protagonist.

“Thank you for telling me.”

This time, I patted Louise’s shoulder a few times. Yes, thank you for telling me. Ideally, I would have preferred it if she had confided in one of the members of the club—like Erich, for example—but I still felt happy that she trusted me as her advisor.

Louise’s eyes widened in surprise. She was probably expecting to be scolded for bringing up such a distressing topic but was instead taken aback by my words of gratitude.

“Talking to someone about it can at least bring some comfort.”

“Can it really do that?”

Louise timidly lowered her gaze, and my heart ached for her.

Keeping it to yourself never solves anything. You can only resolve these things by facing them head-on or by sharing them with others.

“Like I said before, it’s not your fault.”

It wasn’t Louise’s fault. To be precise, it’s nobody’s fault. If somebody had to be blamed, then it would be Louise’s parents for not paying enough attention to her sister. But then again, parents naturally tended to focus more on the sickly youngest child.

It was just a tragedy caused by inexperience. Blaming the parents for their daughter’s death seemed too harsh.

“Of course, you didn’t wish for it to happen.”

Louise never wished for her sister’s death. She wanted to be on good terms with her.

Neither did I. I wanted to be a couple with Hecate whom everyone envied.

“You didn’t ignore it, either.”

Louise blamed herself for her sister’s death. She didn’t dismiss it as a mere coincidence but took it to heart.

I did the same. I blamed myself for not being a stronger support for Hecate.

“And you haven’t forgotten.”

Louise still remembered her sister’s incident. That was why she liked everyone but couldn’t truly love anyone.

I was the same. I couldn’t be with anyone else because I couldn’t forget Hecate.

“That’s why no one would say that it’s your fault.”

She didn’t wish for it, didn’t ignore it, and hadn’t forgotten it. Would anyone really blame someone like that?

I doubt it. There was probably none, and there shouldn’t be anyone who would.

“So, don’t apologize for things like this.”

I held Louise’s shoulders and turned her around.

“It’s getting chilly. You should go in first.”

“Oppa?”

“Go ahead.”

She hesitated, so I gently pushed her back. She looked back several times while going in, but I just gestured silently, and she finally went back inside.

I guess saying just this much was enough for now. It seemed like Louise spoke impulsively, and holding her for a long session of mental counseling would just be awkward and troubling for both of us.

I just said the words she needed to hear, the words that would feel good to hear. That was easy enough to do.

‘Those were the words I wanted to hear.’

Louise, having experienced something similar, must have wanted to hear those words too. It didn’t matter who said it; it could have been anyone.

I hope she’d been able to verbally release her frustration. There was also a part of me that wanted her to overcome her trauma, because if she could get over it, then so could I.

I wanted to take comfort from the fact that if a child who had been through worse could do it, then why couldn’t I?

‘How shameful.’

Even I could see how shameful it was. Here was an adult who was unable to stand up on their own, seeking help from someone younger. It’s utterly and completely disgraceful. It’s something I wouldn’t even dare mention anywhere.

Still, I did provide some comfort to Louise, so maybe it’s not 100% shameful. It’s a contribution in its own way, after all.

“The rain stopped.”

I looked up at the sky and unintentionally spoke out loud. The rain had stopped, and there were fewer dark clouds than before.

It could start raining again, or the day might clear up completely. The weather these days was so unpredictable.

“It will clear up sooner or later.”

Even if it rained for a few days, it wouldn’t stay gloomy forever. Someday, the sky would clear up.

“Oppa!”

“Why did you come out again?”

I was quietly looking at the sky when I heard Louise’s voice from behind. I had just convinced her to go inside, and now she’s back outside. My influence seems fleeting.

I turned around and saw Louise, who was extending a towel towards me.

“You got wet too, Oppa.”

I couldn’t help but smile back at her gentle, smiling face.