Debut or Die
chapter-189

The birthday celebration lasted longer than I expected.

To be honest, I thought it would end after the singing, but we even ate the cake in the waiting room.

“D-Does the cake suit your taste?”

“Yeah, it’s nice”

“I guess it’s a beneficial choice to vote for the strawberry whipped cream cake. Strawberries are in season, so they’re plumps.”

The conversations about related topics continued until I received a large piece of the cake as the birthday boy.

There wasn’t even a camera. It was just… They did this without any intention to make this into content.

“…”

In the end, I had no choice but to say this in front of the cake plate where Cha Eugene had scraped off the remaining cream from.

“Thank you. It’s great.”

“…!”

“Ah~ Moondae hyung, I’m going to cry! What’s up with the Tibetan Moondae?”

“Because the cake is delicious!”

“Congratulations, Moondae-ssi!”

From the guy who pretended to cry, to the staff who clapped as they finished packing their last belongings, all kinds of reactions came back.

‘Oh, well.’

I smiled.

Then I picked up my smartphone and opened the camera app.

“Taking a picture? Great!”

“Oh, it would have been better if we had taken it before eating the cake.”

“Over here!”

I brought the empty cake plate and took several group selfies with the six guys in a row.

“Guys, we have to move now!”

“Yes!”

Then as I moved to the car at the urging of the manager, I completed what I was writing earlier.

Hello, Loviewer

This is Testar (puppy emoticon)

The concert was really fun. I was so happy that I didn’t know how the three days passed. Thank you.

I just received a surprise birthday party, so I’m posting this because I want to share it

I hope you have the best night in the world.

♡ (Puppy emoticon) ♡

After uploading my personal photo and the group photo I just took at the bottom, somehow I felt relieved.

The responses came back in an instant.

– Crazy. Park Moondae, welcome

– ㅠㅠㅠMoondae, happy birthday. What’s going on? Come on, let’s talk about it

– Aah, let’s do it together at the birthday concertㅠㅠ Testar, stop! Stop bullying Loviewer!

– I love you Moondae, the concert was so good. I always cheer for you. I hope you have a nice and happy tour

– I also want to celebrate Moondae’s birthday in person, I’m serious (crying emoticon)

Expressions of excitement and affection, soaked in the afterglow of the concert.

Even in foreign languages and emoticons, I could feel their goodwill.

“…”

There was a lot more to read in the comments, perhaps because this time I shared it directly right before this. I continued to refresh slowly, examining them.

Occasionally, there were sounds of bulsh*t running around, but it didn’t catch my attention.

However, even though it wasn’t bullsh*t, there were also comments that bothered me.

– As expected, Moondae is fast, tooㅋㅋ

‘…Moondae is fast, ‘too’?’

Somehow the nuance was strange.

I clicked the back button on the post and returned to the first page of Testar’s SNS account.

And I saw the post below my post.

“…!”

Long texts beginning with ‘I love you, Loviewer’ were already uploaded in several long bundles.

20 minutes ago.

In addition, for each post, there was a selfie photo of him and a behind-the-scenes group shot taken at the last concert.

…It was Keun Sejin.

He glanced at my smartphone screen with a sleazy face.

“Ah~ Moondae, you posted too?”

“…!”

As expected, this bastard… He was no ordinary guy.

‘Could it be that the surprise birthday party was a ploy so that this guy could strike first?’

Even though it wasn’t possible, I doubted it briefly while moving to the place for the after-party.

* * *

“My~ friend~ is really, really cute!”

“Hahaha!”

While Cha Eugene sang the children’s song, other members collapsed into a fit of laughter.

It had been only an hour since the after-party started.

The staff just went home with only a few people remaining, including the manager. Perhaps he was somewhat conscious of the company’s hideous atmosphere…

And the rest of them…

‘They’re a bit drunk.’

It would be easier to be a little drunk among drunk people, but it was impossible for me.

Because what I had in my hand was non-alcoholic champagne.

* * *

“Y-You! Don’t!”

I didn’t say anything. I stared silently at Bae Sejin, who was cleaning up the bottles around me like a ghost.

By the way, those bottles were already empty.

“…Sleepy.”

It seemed so. Chop down the bottles and stay strong.

‘Slowly, their words are losing context.’

I looked around the not-so-drunk atmosphere, then shook my head and got up from my seat.

“Oh? Moondae, Where are you going~?”

“Restroom.”

Actually, not the restroom, I was just going out to get some fresh air, but it didn’t matter.

The entire restaurant was rented with the terrace included in the option, so it was convenient because I didn’t have to worry about other people’s eyes.

‘Still, if I just show my face, I am sure there are some bastards waiting nearby to take pictures.’

It didn’t matter. I would just sit quietly.

I came out to the terrace and escaped the space filled with songs and laughter.

Thud.

As soon as I closed the door, the cold winter air hit my cheek, but I didn’t feel too cold because there was a camping stove nearby.

‘It’s an expensive place’

I just sat down and quietly looked at the night sky.

“…Hmm.”

As with the night sky in Seoul, I could hardly see the stars, but it somewhat calmed my mind.

Filling the place where gratitude and joy had subsided…

Creak.

“Ah, M-Moondae?”

“…Seon Ahyeon.”

Why is he here?

After the door had been closed for some time, Seon Ahyeon poked his head out through the open door.

“C-Can I stay there too…?”

“I guess so.”

In the first place, I didn’t reserve this place alone.

“Yes!”

Anyway, perhaps taking this as permission, Seon Ahyeon immediately came out of the door.

Thud.

The door closed again and the terrace became quiet.

Seon Ahyeon quietly sat close, but not too close.

“…”

Strangely, it reminded me of something.

When I got hot chocolate from Seon Ahyeon, it was exactly in this position.

I inadvertently opened my mouth.

“Did you come out to get some fresh air?”

“O-Oh, me?”

“Yes.”

“That… There is that too. Um, t-there’s something I want to ask…”

“To me?”

“Yes.”

Seon Ahyeon hesitated for a moment as he touched his knee, then suddenly continued.

It was an unexpected question.

“Hey… Moondae, b-by any chance. After 5 years, you don’t want to be an idol…?”

“What?”

The words I heard from Keun Sejin when I gave up on the stage setting a while ago came out of Seon Ahyeon’s mouth again.

However, the nuance was slightly different.

…Seon Ahyeon sounded genuinely worried.

“Y-You said that to me before.”

Seon Ahyeon lowered his head slightly.

“I-It could be dangerous, so don’t overdo it on stage. Stay healthy… It is better to be able to do it for a long time.”

“…!”

“That, w-when I did the improvised backflip on the year-end stage last year!”

Seon Ahyeon even explained the situation at the time in detail, perhaps because he thought I couldn’t remember.

He didn’t have to. I remembered it well.

‘I did say that.’

I gave this advice because I saw Seon Ahyeon doing something that could cause serious injury on stage, and I had thought, ‘When pressured, he tends to overdo it in a self-destructive way’.

And since then, Seon Ahyeon had never been particularly stubborn.

…Yeah.

On the contrary, I was the one who had been stubborn.

“B-But Moondae… You’ve been overdoing it. You’re not healed yet, but you were using wires…”

Once I realized my dependence on alcohol, I came to acknowledge this too.

Perhaps this was a reproach, but it couldn’t be.

“Y-You said it’s good to stay healthy for a long time… I wondered if Moondae didn’t intend to do it for a long time…”

“…”

It seemed Seon Ahyeon had unexpectedly pointed out the truth.

How do I put this contradiction together?

‘I said that because you improvised at the time, so it seemed more dangerous’, ‘My performance didn’t have that much risk of injury’, ‘I thought I already got better’…

Various answers passed through my head.

And maybe those were things that could roughly convince Seon Ahyeon.

But in the end, the answer that came with a sigh was this.

“…I don’t know.”

A sigh spread white in the air.

“I think I want to, but I don’t know if I can keep doing this until then…”

“W-Why?”

Giving a specific answer to this would be difficult.

I lumped the situations together.

“Because I don’t know what will happen. You never know what will happen. Now that I see the stake running… I think this job is hard to do in the long run.”

“…”

Seon Ahyeon was quiet for a moment, but he soon raised his head.

“A-Actually, I don’t know if I-I can do it for a long time too… I think.”

“Yeah.”

“B-But that means… Doesn’t that mean that you can?”

“…!”

“W-We would have good five years… We can keep doing it together. Well, that’s how it is, but if you’re having a hard time because you’re overdoing it now, you shouldn’t…”

“…”

“S-So, if we think of staying healthy and doing it for a long time… Can’t we do that?”

I felt like I’d been hit in the head.

That… seemed like a more reasonable idea.

‘…Of course, I should have acted while considering the possibility of continuously being in this body.’

It might end, which meant it might not end.

Then, of course, I should make a long-term plan in case it didn’t end.

‘In the first place, it’s not a field with a clear future.’

I was lost in useless thoughts in a situation where I could retire tomorrow because of an incident.

It was only then that the irrationality of my recent attitude came up. Throwing away your retirement plans just because there was an epidemic was a stupid thing to do.

‘This classification fit just right.’

My mind cleared up.

If I lived with this body even after all the status abnormalities were over, I would be swearing at myself in the past for not making a long-term plan enough to make my dream of having a healthy long life come true.

I eventually smiled.

“Why not?”

“…! R-Right!”

“Yes.”

Seon Ahyeon smiled. I looked up and watched the night sky again.

‘Five years from now…’

Then, we should plan a route with the issue of contract renewal in mind.

Creak, thump!

“Wow! It’s cold!”

“Eugene, you’re wearing short sleeves!”

“Heol, Moondaemoondae is here! Did you run away when you said you were going to the restroom?? I’m really hurt~”

“…”

The blueprint I tried to draw for a moment was soon smashed by Cha Eugene and other drunken people who broke into the terrace, but it was not without results.

Because the very next day, the variables for the long-term plan were revealed.

* * *

“There was a photo of you making a fuss on the terrace of that restaurant. Guys, hyung already told you to be careful!”

“Gasp!”

“But everyone says it’s cute. I’ve talked with the company, and the article’s content is good, too!”

“Phew.”

After listening to the first shocking news through the manager’s intro, the internal situation of the company that slipped out was important.

“Still, it’s fortunate that the company got better and responded quickly, so let’s be more careful from now on!”

“Yes!”

I did see the statement posted this morning.

The director had issued it in his own name.

‘It was almost a declaration of surrender.’

To sum it up, it was like this.

– We’ve really made a mistake in evaporating 30 seats. But since Tnet is a gangster, we couldn’t help it eitherㅠㅠ Hurry up and curse at them. We’ll try our best not to mess around and take care of Testar.

In this context, it seemed that thoroughly setting the fans as customers worked better than unnecessary emotional sales.

‘You must have taken a breather.’

But the manager’s words didn’t end there.

“There is a rumor that there is a shortage of manpower right now, but they said that when the girls come in, they will hire them there… Ah, guys, but hyung wants to continue as Testar manager!”

‘Oh.’

This… This arrangement was a little fun.