Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book
chapter-83

Chapter 83

Translator: wuttisyun

He slowly grabbed the bedpost before leaning towards me. As I pushed his azure hair away from my face with my hands, he drew an innocent smile on his face which shone under the moonlight.

“I want to hear your confession through your own lips”

It felt like a storm was brewing in my mind. I slowly lifted my gaze and spoke carefully.

“Are you… mad?”

Amor did not answer.

I had a lot to say to him but I did not know which one to bring up first since everything was so disorganised in my head. Silence befell us like dead leaves falling from a tree as I tidied the mess in my head.

Feeling sorry for him, I clenched my covers before slowly letting go as I stared meaninglessly at the area between his eyebrows. I mumbled as if I was talking to myself.

“Uhm, I’m sorry. I-I really wanted to quickly find you! I don’t know if you’ve heard but my lady-in-waiting and the 6th prince has been keeping me on a leash. At night, because of the sleeping pills they feed me, I have no choice but to fall asleep… Even after saying it out loud, I still sound like I’m making excuses.”

“You tried to kill yourself.”

Amor intercepted me.

“Well.”

While smiling and sneering at the same time, he spoke.

“You said yourself that we were comrades.”

His voice sounded calm but I could detect traces of anger. Was he angry?

“I’m sorry.”

When I lifted my head to see him, Amor had wiped the smile from his face and tilted his head.

“For what?”

Perhaps it was because he was so pale, the spot he stood in made him look like a fog in the shape of him under the moonlight. For some reason, it felt strange to see Amor in my space.

“I’m only telling you now but I wasn’t planning on dying.”

“You weren’t trying to die?”

The anger and sadness in his eyes felt cold. As if his pride was hurt, he looked down at me with a complicated expression. I wanted to know what exactly he was upset about but he did not seem like he wanted to talk about it.

Clicking his tongue, Amor let out a long sigh.

“Whenever I talk to you, I feel like choking with your stupidity.”

His cloudy green eyes were swaying with something unknown.

“You saved my life. Don’t be mad. You did a great job.”

“Shut it.”

Amor stopped my lips with his index finger and told me coldy that he did not want to hear me speak. His fingers felt cold.

I knew that Amor was really upset now just like the day I went to save him. I grabbed his finger and pushed it down before speaking calmly.

“As I expected, you’re upset because I didn’t tell you beforehand, right?”

Of course, I was in danger for a while but I was fine now.

“But I had trusted my brother to save my life and I had trusted my escort to protect me. In the end, I’m still alive so whatever happened in the past doesn’t matter.”

Everyone came on time and neither Rebecca or I died. I was alive so I could see him and he was currently in my palace. That fact was the most important now.

Did he come all the way here just to relieve his anger? His temper was really amazing. I pulled on the hem of his clothes because his gaze kept lingering on my arm.

“It doesn’t hurt.”

I swung my arm around.

“I had eaten a bunch of painkillers. I’m very much alive and well.”

He furrowed his eyebrows immediately.

“… So even though you’re in tatters, you’re saying that you’re still alive and well?”

This was not the time to stare at the wound that had no chance of healing right away. I needed to know why he had come all the way here. If this had been his impulsive decision, he was putting himself in danger.

And what kind of person Castor was.

He was a man who could cut his own brother off. Amor must not have been aware. He was no more familiar with Castor than me. This was not the time to be smiling like this.

“I’m more worried about you, brother.”

I touched the hems of his sleeves before grabbing the hand within them. It was unbelievable how he managed to travel all the way here with his cold body.

‘His body is also so weak.’

For a moment, I was afraid he might even catch a cold.

“Since you managed to make your way all the way just because you were angry. I don’t know who’s the sane one here.”

I was worried. I did not know if he was amazing or crazy to come see me because I was injured when his body was already in that state.

Whether it had become his habit or he had been disciplined to never leave his palace, in the novel, Amor told Rusbella how if he were to step outside, he would get seriously injured. That scene in the novel just entered my head.

I was sure that the Amor I knew would have never been able to leave his palace.

I tried to laugh off the fear of knowing the truth. That was when I really got nervous. I could no longer stand anyone around me getting hurt.

“Don’t be frustrating and just tell me. Are you in danger now after coming here? You’re not, right? No one’s going to die, right?”

“Die? Who?’

His tender gaze turned towards me.

His eyes that were fluttering with emotion remained as still as the night sea. He breathed slowly, not letting go of the hand I was grabbing. He then continued dryly.

“What a useless concern.”

Just then, I jumped to my feet and grabbed onto his helm. Then I enunciated each word.

“Just say it. Are you sure you’re safe? If I visit you tomorrow, will I find you in good condition?’

“It’s none of your business, is it?”

“Listen to people when they talk! I already told you I’m just worried about you, brother.”

I held onto his clothes like a rope I had barely grabbed onto and spoke earnestly. Please tell me he was safe. Come on!

“What if you get hurt when you return? Why did you come out? Didn’t you trust me? I’m asking you why you came to look for me. What person would come all the way here just because they were angry!”

He slowly lowered his head and looked at me.

“You’re safe, right? If you’re not, you can stay here forever. If you don’t assure me that you’re safe, I won’t send you back.”

His eyes were overflowing with the impossible.

Amor slowly smiled like he was finding the situation interesting as he swept his hair with his clean hand.

“So what if you don’t let me go? Then am I going to live with you forever?”

I mean, I would save him even if I were to die in his stead. Staring at him intensely, I pulled him towards me.

‘I saved you.’

No matter what he was thinking, I had already saved him dozens of times. Even though he did not remember, I still retained the memories of saving him. I had felt sorry for him and wished him happiness.

‘Maybe more so than for myself.’

This was something I could not concede with.

“Listen to me.”

I pinched Amor’s cheeks and spoke to him clearly so he would not miss anything I said and listen to me carefully.

“I have already saved my brother once before. Don’t throw away the life I had saved.”

I saved him so I would not let him die.

Amor stared at me silently as he held the hand that was grabbing his cheek before slowly pushing it down. His eyes that were facing me were as deep and filled with meaning as the ocean itself.

“I’ve been given two chances.”

“Chances?”

He looked out of the window for a moment. As he stared at a tree shaking in the wind, his expression softened.

“Chances to leave and stay outside for the rest of your life.”

As if I had just gotten punched, I felt hurt.

Chances?

This was the first time I had ever heard of the chances Amor was talking about. I had never read such a detail in the novel.

‘I mean, maybe I just forgot?’

I was confused. That meant by the time he met Rusbella, he had already exhausted all his chances? I looked up anxiously only to see Amor look aloof.

“Tell me more.”

“It’s just as I’ve said.”

The white moonlight glittered on his azure eyelashes. Under the dim night sky, Amor looked paler than usual though his expression was as calm as his gaze through this night.

Would he regret it?

I felt suffocated as if I was being submerged. I mean, who would put up with that? Only twice in his entire life. That was too cruel.

“… Go back. It might not be too late now.”

“Why didn’t you ask for my intentions? You said you were curious?”

“I don’t want to hear it. My brother saved me that day and that’s enough.”

“To be exact, I only did half the work since someone did not tell me beforehand.”

He let go of my hand as he smirked and tilted his head.

“That’s why I’m here to treat you as late as I am.”

His clothes slid down till the edge of his shoulders.

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you really sorry?”

“Yeah. I’m really sorry. So you don’t need to treat me or anything like that and just go back now. Maybe it won’t be too late. Yeah? Hurry and go. Please.”

Do not waste such a precious chance just to check on my wounds. What did I do to deserve that? It ultimately did not matter if I died or lived with wounds.

I wanted to lie. Everything he did for me was enough. I should remain distant.

“You said it yourself that we were comrades.”

I did not think I had gotten closer to Amor at all. And I would understand if he kept his distance from me. Amor might be judging me as I did to Hernan because I had not trusted Hernan at all. I thought it would be alright if he had looked sad. But now all he was doing was make my eyes sore! His face was telling a completely different story, was it not?

“You look like you in more pain when you’re alive than if you were dead.”

I had so much I wanted to say but his gaze that was directed towards me was too deep that the words got stuck in my throat. I could not speak at all.

“Even though you’re apologising for the day when you almost died, I don’t feel happy at all. I’m just angry.”

“…..”

I had a hunch but it felt like everything he was saying right now did not sound like the Amor in the original novel at all.

“My powers make me a tool that kills people. There’s a fine line between poison and cure. I’ve killed many but I can also make medicine that can heal people.”

He reached his hand out to the bed.

“You always talk like you know me. Do you really?”

Curiously, towards the place he reached out, vines sprouted and flowers I had never seen before were blooming. Soon after, they began fruiting and without even a single touch, they burst into thin air. The liquid that burst out from the explosion soon solidified and became lumps. Amor repeated the process with other flowers and trees several times to make multiple lumps before moulding them together to form one big one.

He then slowly returned to his original feisty self and smiled wryly. His face got really close to mine before he placed the pill in my mouth.

The solid mass soon melted into liquid and under Amor’s tenacious gaze, I gulped it down. He did not remove his fingers from my lips till the end.

Gulp.

“Don’t spit it out. I’ll be mad if you do.”

My throat burned. There seemed to be a fire from my throat down to my stomach. I grabbed my neck and clung onto Amor like a crouching animal. Even though he looked so thin, he held me firmly. Then I could feel him patting me.

The pain slowly subsided and Amor watched as I ate it.