Embers Ad Infinitum
chapter-94

Translator: CKtalon

After finishing the lightly-sugared yogurt, Shang Jianyao held the lunch box and cast his gaze at Ren Jie and Li Zhen again.

The two women in charge of distributing Holy Communion deliberately ignored him and served the yogurt in the cylindrical container to different members in a counterclockwise manner.

After Holy Communion, Li Zhen carried the utensils and entered the inner room through the middle door. Ren Jie casually chatted with the parishioners and asked for their opinions on Holy Communion.

During this process, she didn’t have any intention of heading toward Shang Jianyao because she had an inkling that she could guess what that fellow would say.

Ren Jie glanced at Shang Jianyao and rationally gave up on the idea of getting him to share the knowledge he obtained from his fieldwork. He will definitely say, ‘it tastes good, but there’s too little.’ Why was he roped into the parish back then? Although the Doctor of the Church has always wanted us to get more young adults—especially those who have just reached the age for marriage assignment—there are different kinds of young adults…

She walked to the aisle leading to the middle door, turned around, and said to everyone, “This is all for today’s gathering. You guys can return in sequence. Be careful on the way.”

The members bowed at the same time and split up to leave Li Zhen’s room. They headed in different directions as they walked along the unlit paths.

On the way, Shang Jianyao and Shen Du wore thick, dark-green cotton coats and silently walked along the edges of the surveillance cameras’ field of view with a thick, heavy flashlight.

When they were about to separate, Shen Du looked up at the dark ceiling and asked, “What’s the real sky like?”

Shang Jianyao looked at the flashlight beam and said, “Very high, very blue, and very empty.”

Shen Du fell silent and separated from Shang Jianyao, walking toward his home.

After Shang Jianyao returned to Room 196 in Zone B, he took a nap. When rush hour ended, he dashed over to have breakfast before the cafeteria closed.

After filling his stomach, he went to the elevator lobby in a corner of Zone C. The 12 elevators here led directly to the Research Zone.

Shang Jianyao skillfully pressed the button for the 25th floor. As the elevator descended, he swiped his card and pressed ‘3.’

After arriving on the third floor, Shang Jianyao walked along the corridor outside the metal door and came to the innermost room on the right.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

He knocked on the door.

“Who is it?” A gentle female voice sounded.

Shang Jianyao announced his name and said, “Dr. Lin, I want to schedule a follow-up.”

In the room, Dr. Lin immediately smiled and said, “Oh, Jianyao… I happen to be free now. Come on in.”

Shang Jianyao—who had obtained permission—turned the doorknob and pushed open the door.

Dr. Lin was still wearing her gold-rimmed glasses and a white coat. She sat behind the wooden table and played with a pen in her hand. Unlike in the past, her hair was not tied up. It casually scattered down, making her look a few years younger.

“Good morning, Dr. Lin,” Shang Jianyao greeted with a smile.

Dr. Lin pointed at the chair opposite her. “Good morning. Have a seat.”

As she spoke, she looked at the folder in front of her. After Shang Jianyao sat down, she casually asked, “How many days has it been since you came back from the field?”

“I came back yesterday afternoon.” Shang Jianyao didn’t hide the truth.

Dr. Lin tapped the table with the end of her pen and smiled. “It’s too sudden today, so we’ll skip the tests. Let’s just have a chat. How is it? Did the fieldwork go well?”

“It was very thrilling,” replied Shang Jianyao truthfully.

Dr. Lin was a little curious. “How thrilling?”

“Enough to kill ordinary Security Department employees several times over.” Shang Jianyao found a benchmark.

Dr. Lin couldn’t help but sigh. “You sure are lucky to come back alive then.”

She then smiled and said, “Then, tell me about this experience. There’s no need to tell me stuff that needs to be kept confidential.”

Shang Jianyao revealed an expression of reminiscence. “We drove out the door and came to the surface. The sky was very blue, very high, and very empty. It felt like it could suck me up. It was very terrifying, but I got used to it…

“There were many trees around us. Some of the leaves were green, and some were yellowish. The air smelled of fresh shit…”

“Stop!” Dr. Lin pinched her nose. “There’s no need to go into such detail.”

She then picked up her cup and drank a mouthful of tea. “What happened next?”

“There’s nothing else after that,” Shang Jianyao replied calmly.

“Huh?” Dr. Lin was momentarily stunned.

Shang Jianyao explained, “Everything after that involves confidentiality clauses.”

“…” Dr. Lin was a little stunned. “In other words, you’d only been out for a few hours, but you’d already encountered confidential matters? What else can you say after that?”

Shang Jianyao replied seriously, “I ate braised beef canned food, energy bars, and compressed biscuits. I peed in the bushes and killed two mosquitoes…”

“There’s no need to tell me that.” Dr. Lin felt a little exasperated.

She fell silent for a moment before her curiosity got the better of her. “Apart from day-to-day details, everything else involves confidentiality clauses?”

Shang Jianyao nodded. “We can only determine what can and cannot be said after the company’s review.”

“Okay.” Dr. Lin sighed. “What exactly happened to you? Uh, were there any casualties?”

She was worried that this would agitate Shang Jianyao and worsen his condition.

Shang Jianyao shook his head. “No.”

Dr. Lin heaved a sigh of relief and decided to change the topic. “From your experiences on the surface, do you feel like you’ve grown?”

“Yes,” Shang Jianyao said with a serious expression. “I realized that saving all of humanity is a very difficult task. We often can’t even save a town, a settlement, or a child.”

Dr. Lin nodded in relief. “It’s good that you understand. I’m not saying that there’s a problem with your ideal, but I think you should set up some easier targets before that. This can enhance your confidence and improve your condition.”

Shang Jianyao immediately replied, “Yes. Therefore, I have to work harder to train and improve myself. Only then can I save all of humanity.”

“…” Dr. Lin’s eyes darted around as she sighed quietly.

Without waiting for her to speak, Shang Jianyao took the initiative to ask, “Dr. Lin, the reason I’m looking for you today is mainly to ask about how I should defeat the fear lurking in my heart?”

Dr. Lin’s expression changed as she smiled. “That’s a good question.”

She didn’t use more professional terms and spoke in a very approachable manner. “Personally, the premise of defeating the fear hidden in one’s heart is to recognize it and face it head-on. Running away will never solve the problem. Sometimes, you might as well look straight at your bloody wound.”

Upon seeing Shang Jianyao’s pensive expression, Dr. Lin added, “But in practice, I don’t advocate facing fear directly because it’s very likely to cause a second round of damage. It can also cause a complete mental breakdown.

“The correct steps to be taken is to employ appropriate methods. Approach the fear step by step, from the periphery to the core. During this process, constantly rebuild the strength in your heart and slowly nibble away at the trauma. When you can completely face those nightmares, you will realize that they aren’t strong and can be easily defeated.”

At this point, Dr. Lin smiled. “You can tell me your general feelings. I’ll help you design something.”

Shang Jianyao remained silent and didn’t answer.

Dr. Lin wasn’t surprised and tersely acknowledged his choice. “There’s no rush. You can slowly consider it for an entire week. Remember to come for a follow-up at this time next week. If you feel that you can’t say it to me, you can use another method or switch to someone you can trust.”

Shang Jianyao nodded slightly. “Thank you, Dr. Lin.”

He then stood up and politely bade farewell.

After returning to the 495th floor, Shang Jianyao directly turned into the fourth elevator area in the other direction.

This place led to the Security Department.

Shang Jianyao waited for a while before slowly entering the elevator. He swiped his card and pressed the button for the 647th floor.

He soon arrived at the changing room beside the Old Task Force’s room and changed into light clothes.

Shang Jianyao had just pushed open the training room’s door when he saw Jiang Baimian sitting on the bench with her hair tied up in a ponytail, wiping the sweat from her forehead with a towel.

“Why are you here?” Jiang Baimian had sensed his arrival earlier. She remembered that she had given her three team members two days off.

“To train,” Shang Jianyao replied truthfully.

Jiang Baimian thought for a moment and came to a realization. “That’s true. Your peers are all working at this time. You won’t be able to find anything to do at home other than sleep.”

“I can still read,” Shang Jianyao replied.

“…” Jiang Baimian was just about to glare at him when she suddenly sensed something and looked at the door again.

Bai Chen appeared there, wrapped in a gray scarf. Without waiting for Jiang Baimian and Shang Jianyao to speak, she took the initiative to say, “I had nothing to do.”

Jiang Baimian smiled and praised, “Not bad.”

Bai Chen had just entered when Long Yuehong walked over with a towel.

“W-what are you guys doing here?” Long Yuehong saw his team leader, Shang Jianyao, and Bai Chen all looking at him. He felt surprised and inexplicably a little terrified.

“Why are you here?” Jiang Baimian asked in response.

Long Yuehong stammered, “The girl my mother introduced to me is at work. We can’t meet until after dinner. I thought that I might as well come over and recover my stamina since there’s nothing else to do.”

Jiang Baimian’s smile became more obvious. “Very good.”

She then looked around and pretended to be serious. “Since you’re already here, let’s spar.”

“Ah…” Long Yuehong looked like he was placed in a difficult situation.

…

At 8 p.m., Shang Jianyao lay in bed as usual. His eyes were half-closed as he waited for the news broadcast to begin.

Ten seconds later, the familiar sweet voice echoed.

“Good evening, everyone. I’m the news broadcaster, Hou Yi. It’s 8 p.m. now…

“The Board of Directors convened the 22nd meeting this year to discuss the focus of winter work…

“The Indoor Ecosystem has obtained a bumper harvest…

“At 9:35 this morning, Wang Yafei—person-in-charge of the Supplies Allocation Market on the 478th floor—died from a cardiac arrest at work…”

Shang Jianyao’s eyes snapped open as he sat up.