Epic of Caterpillar
chapter-648

I feel lonely… where is everyone?

Mother? Mother? Where is my mother? Where is she? Mother! I swear I have become as you wanted! I swear!

Has life even brought happiness to us?

Who… was I?

I remember being someone else, but the memories are not there.

The fragments of our very beings converge into one once again.

Our souls were torn apart…

The lurking shadows of our sins remain, however, just to torment our lives.

Our lives?

Aren't we dead?

Indeed, we have perished by the hands of something greater than us.

Do you remember their eyes? The light in their eyes?

I do.

I also do remember.

It was… dazzling.

Is that what we lacked? That light in our eyes?

Perhaps we lacked more than just that, we lacked a reason to fight for what we loved.

Did we… not fight for that?

No, do you remember ever loving?

I do remember loving, I indeed do remember that… And I also remember the pain of what I loved being taken away from me as well.

Pain…

Love…

Are such things annexed together through the road of life?

We lacked love, that is what we lacked.

Now we lay into pieces, not as we used to be, we are but mere pieces of what we used to be.

Small fragments of glass that used to be part of a large bottle, spread all around.

Our very existence was torn apart.

While seeking to not be left alone, we annexed ourselves with each other.

Our suffering dwindled a bit, but the several fragments of our memories and personalities are being constantly twisted around one with the other.

However, as we rested within whenever we were, our soul and memories became less painful.

That is right, it was less painful, just as you said.

Hm, it is a serene feeling…

My mother, I wonder where could she be?

The pain of my heart has not faded yet, not even with the serene cleansing of this existence.

The warmness never fades away, and our presences become stronger, but not as many but as a single being.

Yet, we still feel as if we are different, yet separated.

Most of what made us a person, such as memories, are gone.

Right?

Yes, they are gone.

Are we even a person at this point? Can we be considered people?

I do not have any idea, this whole existence is mysterious.

But what can you do? We have to simply wait and see.

That is true… For now, resting would be the best course of action.

We make our minds steadier and stronger, and it seems that… oh! Our mind seems clearer now.

I think that, amidst the chaos of our fragmented minds, we have found some stability… is this reason?

Perhaps very twisted sanity within the insanity.

As we remember fragmented memories, I cannot help but recall the feelings of what we did.

The memories are not there, but the feelings of the memories are there, and through recalling these things, we are capable of 'remembering lost memories'…

Ah, this does not even make sense to us either, isn't it? It feels as if we are babbling nonsense.

Ah, right, many of us seemed to be wicked.

And a large part of us is also someone incredibly gloomy.

Will we be okay?

I think that as long as are united, it should be fine.

Yes, we should be fine.

Amidst the insanity, we had found some sanity, although it is twisted, the stability of our crazed mind has increased by tenfold.

We want to recall more, but it is hard.

Our memories, and souls, were taken over by something grotesque, we all recall that feeling.

The malicious entity that took over our minds and devoured us, was a dangerous creature.

Yet, we that entity remember how it was taken away from our souls and how much it hurt, it was as if it was slowly replacing our souls…

Due to that, we were left with enormous wounds in our souls, whole pieces of our very selves were lacking, it was hurtful and quite painful.

Each of the missing pieces was like giant holes that needed to be filled, and because all of us were left like that, while still retaining that sense that we all belonged somewhere together, we ended stitching ourselves together into a single soul, but we did it quite terribly.

It was even more insufferable than we thought, we screamed in agony a lot, but now, we feel pretty well.

It seems to have been thanks to mother.

Mother, the one that we saw in that time when we became one, appeared and relieved our pain through her love and warmth, she brought us towards her body, as we danced around the streams of her soul, we became more refined and our wounds were truly healed.

And now, she had left us to rest in here, where we had a lot of time to think and converge our thoughts and personalities into more defined beings.

But it still far too hard, too hard.

Indeed, it is.

I wonder where is my mother?

We cannot become a true one, as our mind seems to have been split, some of us remained silent as they merged with others, and we ended with around four minds in one single mind… ah, it is hard to explain.

Ah right, there was one mind that was not like all of us, it was actually, seemingly, part of the grotesque creature that had done this to us.

Do not worry, we already assimilated it, it was fairly tasty for our minds.

Anyways, these should be enough self-explanations to ourselves, we already were about to stop talking but we began again, I think we suffer from extreme anxiety, we are making all our words messed up.

I hope we can understand ourselves…

Hm, what we remember is that we used to be Cats. Will we one day become another cat again?

I hope mother is fine with it.

Hm… I feel very sleepy.

Where could my wife be?

Where are my children?

What about… huh?

I glance through the nothingness as I feel an entity within. A lump of darkness with a small, almost adorable crimson eye, it glances at me as it pounces towards me with great momentum.

Flash!

…

Oh, nothing actually happens, I think it was simply an illusion.

No, something happens, the lump of dark energy with a crimson eye seems to struggle as it begins to shriek in agony.

Do you think you can beat me… us? We are not that frail, even if we do not even remember who we are.

They even call me the strongest warrior of… Sunclaw…

Wait, what is Sunclaw?

As we begin to converge our minds once again to awake from our slumber, the entity that tried to penetrate through our consciousness begins to relentlessly try again, just to be weakened even further.

You should stop it if you do not want to get yourself hurt. The entity glances at me as it speaks.

"You filthy mortal, free me from this prison!"

Wow, it is incredibly rude, who is he calling filthy? We are exceptionally clean, you know.

Actually, no, we have never bathed, I think, we do not even have physical bodies.

I wonder if we can speak to it.

No, we cannot, we can only glance at it.

"I am Geggoron, the Demigod of Nightmares and Hateful Distrust! How dare you imprison my mind within this place?!"

The tiny lump of darkness that cannot even leave a scratch on our nonexistent selves roars in anger. We envy its ability to speak, but it is not like it can do anything else than that. It is a good way to entertain ourselves within this place.

"Graaa!"

Flash!

…

Nothing happens, the little guy tries once again to hit us with all its force, but it simply has no material power, not even spiritual power, it is simply a 'mind', just as we are.

We are all minds, and as we are many into one, he is clearly at a disadvantage in here.

"Damn it…! Is this the fate… that waits for me…?"

The tiny lump of darkness mutters with sadness on its tone, it's raging crimson eyes closes as it seemingly is about to cry.

Now we feel bad, it is as if we bullied him, but we have never done so, we simply exist on its way.

We try to speak until, miraculously, we manage to fathom words.

"Who are you?" we ask.

The lump of darkness stops crying as it is left startled for a second, then, it slowly directs its crimson eye towards us.

"…I already said who I am! Can't you understand?! I am Geggoron, the Demigod of Nightmares and Hateful Distrust!!!"

It roars with a fervent voice, although it is very tiny, so it only ends as cute in our head.

But what is he saying? Does he say he is a 'Demigod'?

No way, why would a Demigod be with us?

We clearly were torn apart and reassembled as one, how can this tiny thing be a Demigod?

Aren't Demigods… well, strong?

Why is it here, trapped with us?

No, instead of trapped with us, it is more like it is trapped within us.

"I see… Well, we are glad for you to remember who you are, because we don't for our case,"

I talk to it again as it seemed to have fallen silent after yelling, it seemed even a bit tired.

"You don't remember? Well, it is obvious, your souls were seemingly eaten by me! But somehow, you were healed and put back together as this… thing! And you've even trapped my will inside of you!"

He roars again, giving us a big revelation.

Oh, okay, so this little guy was the one that did all the terrible things to us…?

Okay, got it.

Understandable, have a nice day.

No, wait!

Isn't it bad though? Should we feel anger at it?

But anger does not blossom within our souls, so we cannot really tell.

Hm, well, to be truly honest, there is this still, tiny feeling that blossoms within our collective mind.

Ah, it's not anger though… It's more like…

An annoyance? Like, we want to get it away from us, like a tiny flea.

We glanced at him as it groans again, is this thing truly an evil Demigod that did that to us?

I cannot believe it.

I only see a grumpy little lump of darkness.

I almost want to both crush it or love it.

Wait, what am I even thinking? No, what are WE even thinking?

Perhaps the motherly mind within us awakened? This is problematic, the rest of us don't want to become a doting mother, we are guys, you know.

Wait, there is another girl too, and another too… Ah, okay, perhaps we are not all guys.

Wait, does that even matter at this point? Man or woman, we are souls, genderless.

It really does not matter at all at this point.

The little lump of darkness groans once again as if it is resisting its tears.

What should we do?

"Don't cry, didn't you say you were a Demigod? Why are you so sad then?" we asked.

The tiny lump stopped crying as it glanced at us.

"…I am not crying! I am… not crying…"

It muttered while trying to clean its tears. Buddy, you are clearly crying there.

"Then what are you doing if not crying?" we asked again.

"…Nothing. I am, just… Disappointed! Yes, that is. I am simply disappointed over my own self, there was so much for me to do, yet here I am…"

It mutters with a better expression on its lump of a body, it seemingly begins to become more honest with us. His mental fortitude is very small.

"If you feel lonely and sad, why don't you become one with us? We might bring some fulfillment to you," we said. We want him to become one with us, it should be for the best, it would stop crying and we would stop feeling bad, it is a win-win situation.

"…What? No! Never!"

"Is there any other option for you anyway? What are you going to do? Be trapped here forever? It would be better if you became one with us. There might be the possibility for us to one day awaken as a living being," we said, offering a possibility that we had been thinking for a while, which might be true, or not.

The tiny lump begins to think carefully, but in the end, it gives in to our proposal faster than we imagined.

"Okay…" it mutters, flowing towards us.

It lightly hits our soul as we, as if instinctively, expand our entire bodies around it.

Now, we feel as if we are eating it more than anything.

"Does it hurt?" we ask.

"No…" it mutters.

It seems that it does not hurt, whatever we are doing.

Then, like a popping sound, he disappears and reappears almost instantly within our minds.

Welcome.

So, this is a collective soul?

Yes.

I am left with almost no power at all, and you are clearly superior to me, at most, I can hope for one day to be separated from you if I comply with your requests enough, right?

No, we do not think so.

You are not going anywhere, buddy.

Ah, at least I tried…

Now as we are one with the tiny and grumpy Geggoron, we resume our slumber… although it seems that it will be cut short, as something begins to happen outside.