Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World
chapter-203

Chapter 203 – Naked Florida Man Climbed Mount Everest to Set a Guinness World Record for Longest Urine.

For the first time, Leo flew by himself outside of his domain. A week of training was enough for Leo to adapt to the flying technique.

The massive mountain emitted a dark aura. As Leo got closer, he started losing his vision. Lights vanished from his eyes, but his consciousness remained.

Leo turned around and blinked twice. He instantly regained his sight. But when he turned back to look at the mountain, he was blinded again.

"How annoying."

Leo's iris changed from green to red. His vision adjusted the natural light and tone. A few seconds later, he saw everything in yellowish and red infrared vision.

The mountain's surface was strangely hot despite being surrounded by snowy mountains. Strangely, the freezing environment here wasn't affected as if the heat was limited to the mountain's surface.

Leo braced the danger and got closer enough to land on a cliff. But as soon as his feet touched the black metal floor, his vision blurred.

The surrounding environment changed. Leo found himself on Miami Beach when he was still a human.

A crowd of pedestrians, tourists, and locals minded their businesses on the beach. They either wore swimsuits or light clothes while Leo was still in his suit.

"Huh? Oh, I'm hallucinating."

Leo frowned. This wasn't his first time dealing with random hallucinations. After closing his eyes for a few seconds, he lightly scratched the tip of his tongue with his teeth to sharpen his senses. Then, he opened his eyes.

The view reverted back to the black mountain.

"Heh. Is that it?"

Leo shrugged and looked around, searching for a better place to explore. He looked up for a moment and jumped, climbing the altitude.

Instantly, Leo was 1,000 kilometers above the seawater, but he hadn't found the peak of this mountain yet. As he looked up, he discovered that the mountaintop was beyond the atmosphere levels.

Seeing the absolute unit of a mysterious mountain, Leo was taken aback. While flying higher, he scratched his head.

"How come nobody notice this thing? It's so big and tall… Oh, wait. It blends in space. But…"

As no light reflected the surface of this mountain, nobody could see it in the dark. Still, Leo was puzzled why the locals never tried to exploit or extract this resource.

He soon learned the reason after he reached the stratosphere of this planet. The sky dimmed, and the stars became clearer. Also, Leo spotted a strange object orbiting the mountaintop.

Upon getting closer, Leo could see what it was.

It was a statue of an elderly man in a cultivator robe, holding a thunderbolt in his left hand. Its right hand wielded a long black katana.

As Leo got closer, the statue moved. It looked back at Leo, and its eyes glowed. Their eyes met.

The statue adjusted its posture and faced Leo. It pointed the katana at his face and bellowed.

"This place belongs to the Kishin Clan! If you value your life, go back!"

After warning Leo, the latter's sight blurred again. The scenery around him changed once more.

Instead of flying upward, Leo found himself sitting on a bed in a hotel room. He looked down and found his unit.

"Why am I naked?"

Leo frowned and stood up. He scratched his tongue with his teeth again, hoping to break the illusion. However, a shadowy figure appeared in front of Leo and thrust a long katana at his chest.

TINK

The katana failed to penetrate his skin. Moreover, Leo caught the tip of the sword with his left hand.

The shadow silhouette revealed its identity. It was the statue from earlier.

"Figured as much."

Teaching the statue a lesson, Leo lightly japed the statue's face with his right fist. The head exploded upon impact.

After the statue's head was destroyed, the illusion was broken. However, Leo still found himself in a different place.

He still held the black katana of the statue earlier. Upon looking around, Leo found himself in a meadow. In front of him were a hundred naked women, a mountain of essence stones, a thousand chests of golden bars, and a floating crystal.

Leo recognized the crystal. It looked like an earth fate crystal that he needed. But upon giving it a closer look, Leo scoffed in disgust.

"An illusion on top of another. Is this some kind of a trap? If I fall for it and take anything, will I get trapped here forever?"

Leo flipped the black katana and grabbed the handle. Then, he slashed the floating crystal in half.

The naked women vanished along with the crystals, except one. The remaining woman had the same appearance as Esen, but she had a full rack of assets.

All gold coins, essence stones, and other valuables disappeared, leaving them alone. The remaining woman coyly walked toward Leo and smiled at him.

"Florida Man. How do I look now?"

Leo sneered, "Fake as EF. Get lost, damn illusion!"

Not a shred of hesitant, Leo swung the katana and beheaded the woman. She widened her eyes in shock for a moment while her head rolled on the ground. But a second later, she laughed.

"Hahahaha! You're the toughest one yet. All cultivators and Molgs in the past failed because of their greed and lust. But you, Florida Man. I like you."

"Who the duck are you?"

Despite asking, Leo walked toward the head and stomped it. The head exploded and turned to dust.

The headless body of fake Esen regrew her head. She changed her appearance into a naked lamia with six breasts that Leo had met at the Fate Stadium. She lay on the ground and wiggled her finger, tempting him.

"I'm your greatest desire, Florida Man. Why don't you give up cultivating and partake of me? You can stay with me forever, and I can shapeshift into any woman you like. If you desire a lamia, I can transform into one. If you desire a female Minotaur, I can do it too. Or… do you want to try the 2D girls that you dreamed of 50,000 years ago?"

Judging from the woman's words, she had some sort of mind-reading or memory-reading power. Leo narrowed his eyes as this woman was trickier than he had thought.

"Not interested. Go die."

Leo stomped toward her and seized her neck. He let go of the katana and raised his fist, preparing to cleanse her soul with his holy punch.

The woman turned into smoke and slipped out of Leo's hand. She appeared behind him and embraced him from behind.

"How barbaric. Well, I like wild men. Stop playing hard to get and hug me."

"Nope!"

Leo swung a left back fist at the woman's face. It connected and shattered her into smoke.

After the woman was gone, Leo broke the illusion. However, he was already free-floating in space, and he slowly drifted away from the planet.

"Ah, crap!"

Treating the void as water, Leo waved his arms and legs like a frog, swimming back to the mountaintop. Fortunately, his flight skills helped him back to the mountain. Had he never learned a flying technique, he would have drifted to the void.

He landed on the mountaintop and let out a deep sigh of relief. He wiped his sweat and checked on the surface of the mysterious Immortalium Mountain.

Leo pinched a piece of black rock and pulled it out of the mountain. It was so sticky that Leo was forced to exert 10% of his strength to get a piece out. Even after it had come out, the piece of black mineral behaved like a magnet, pulling itself back to the ground.

Sensing the resisting force, Leo stored a piece of Immortalium rock in his storage ring. He walked around and explored the area.

The statue earlier was nowhere in sight. As for the black katana, it floated freely in the void and drifted away.

Leo shrugged as he didn't care about a lousy black sword. But as he was about to abandon it, the sword flew toward Leo and pointed its tip toward him.

TINK

The katana's tip hit the back of Leo's head.

"Oi. You. I already ignored you, but you dare to attack me first?"

Leo turned around and grabbed the katana's hilt. His left hand held the handle while his right hand grabbed the blade's body. Then, he kneed it.

CLANK

The black katana was broken in half!

As soon as it was broken, a white aura came out from the broken blade. Smoke silhouettes of spirits rushed out and flew to the void.

Although Leo had no idea what he had just done, he observed the ghosts. He noticed that there were a bunch of elves and monsters in the mix, but the majority of souls were humans.

Also, one of them glared at Leo. He also looked back and noticed that her soul was darker than the rest.

DING

<You have slain the Ghost Blade, Killer Queen.>

"Huh?"

The system message surprised him. Still, it explained a lot. Leo figured out the situation.

"So, you must be Killer Queen, the Ghost Blade? I guess you must have been busy collecting souls of wandering cultivators while you're hiding here."

"BASTARD!" Killer Queen's soul bellowed. "MY KISHIN CLAN WILL NOT LET YOU LIVE! THEY WILL LEARN OF THIS PLANET'S COORDINATES THROUGH ME, AND THEY WILL HUNT YOU DOWN!"

"Hey, you attacked me first!"

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE MESSING WITH, NU'EARTHE! YOU SHOULD BE HONORED TO DIE BY MY HANDS AND BECOME ONE WITH ME!"

Leo rolled his eyes. He was tired of her stupidity and one-dimensional behavior.

"Lady. What has happened is the definition of EF around and find out. This is the consequences of your actions. Had you run into a weaker prey, you might have won. But since you chose to pick a fight with me, I retaliated. Well, let's stop talking and continue with our businesses. I'm an introvert. I'm allergic to conversations."

Leo snapped his finger and summoned his dao avatar from his ring. The avatar appeared behind the sword ghost and grabbed her nape. Then, it tilted his head to the side.

The avatar discovered something inside the ghost. He smirked.

'Master, may I consume her?'

"Consume, as consummate, or eat?"

'Both.'

Leo rolled his eyes again. "I guess spirits are still bangable, huh? Well, if she's your type, go ahead."

'Just kidding. I don't have sexual organs. I can't procreate.'

"…"

'I'll be devouring her soul. Thanks for the food, master.'

"…You're welcome."

The dao avatar dragged the sword ghost's soul into Leo's alien ring and vanished. A second later, the ring spat something out.

A white crystal ball with the size of a basketball rolled on the ground. As soon as Leo found it, he recognized it right away. After all, he had seen one at the pagoda of a mystic realm.

That was a gnosis crystal.

"…"

Leo widely smiled. At least, he got something worthwhile. However, at that moment, Leo sensed a crisis.

He needed to take a leak.

With unwavering focus, he assumed his position at the edge of a cliff. He zipped down and whipped his personal gun out. The graceful holy water gushed out from the chamber, but it didn't go down the mountain as the gravity was too light here. Sparkling yellowish liquid droplets floated freely in the atmosphere before they vanished into rainbow smoke.

A minute of long relief sent a chill running down Leo's spine. He waved his gun and stroked it to remove the residual holy water in the chamber. Then, he collected his gun into his pants and zipped up.

Leo didn't think much about the consequences of his actions as he just peed. However, this evaporated holy water would change the atmosphere of this world forever.

.

.

Far away from Leo's star system, a lone elderly fisherman sat next to a seashore, fishing and waiting for a fish to take a bite. Behind him was a group of happy Cathulhu's children playing catch.

Overlord Xiaomao, the fisherman, gazed at the horizon in a daze. But suddenly, his eyes shifted, and he turned around to look at the general direction of a certain star.

He uttered to himself.

"Did someone just break the karmic laws? Even if he's a fellow overlord, he can't just convert a mortal world into an immortal realm! He's just asking for trouble."

Overlord Xiaomao shook his head. But as he sighed, a Cathulhu child hopped on his lap and meowed at him.

"Master, where fish, munya?"

The other cats also begged for food, "Where fish, munya?"

Overlord Xiaomao laughed, "Hang on, kids. Give me a second."

The fisherman grabbed his fishing rod and lightly pulled it.

ZAAAAAA

Suddenly, a massive tuna the size of an African continent jumped out of the sea, holding the bait in its mouth.

It was neither an ordinary fish nor an immortal fish. It was also not a deity or a sage.

The tuna was an entity of this sea that Overlord Xiaomao had been raising as livestock!

"FISH, MUNYA!"

The kids celebrated, looking forward to a feast.

The overlord yanked the fishing rod. The next moment, the sea overlord's head and body were separated and deboned. All innards and blood returned to the sea while its juicy white meat, skin, and scales remained.

The old man collected 90% of the meat to his storage ring. Then, he waved his finger, extracting meat from the fish's head and distributing food to the kids.

While feeding the kids, Overlord Xiaomao glanced at the faint star that he could barely see. The light hadn't traveled to his planet yet, but he already noticed the aura of holy water in the atmosphere. It reminded him of his blood and sweat.

"Who did that?"