Guild Wars
chapter-598

Uno could only watch helplessly as the rebound from Kiran's first attack dealt 0 damage to him. Unfortunately, it was unable to break his skill's animation. After tanking the first hit, he was struck by the second and sent airborne.

Even though Uno's cheat passive, Last Stand, activated since he fell under 30% HP, he was already caught in the skills' confines. Kiran darted around and connected with the third hit, sending Uno crashing into the arena with a huge boom!

By the time the dust and smoke settled, Kiran was holding Uno in the same way he had held Tunder Power. The fellow's back was twisted at a weird angle before Kiran threw him down, eventually turning off his transformation as he got off the stage.

Uno turned into pixels and appeared by the side with a long face. He gave Kiran a middle finger, to which the fellow snickered and returned with a gloating expression.

Boyd had to quickly mediate between the two as it looked like Uno was getting ready to stake it all to punish the other's shit-eating grin.

Second match winner: Gentle Lamb (Kiran)!

3rd Match: Rambunctious Buttlover vs Deployed Soldier!

RamButt climbed the stage from the left with a calm expression while Deployed Soldier also came up from the right with a similar gait. The two men eyed each other for a few seconds before simultaneously shaking their heads.

"Too undisciplined and uncouth, not destined for greatness." Deployed Soldier commented with a sigh.

"Too rigid and inflexible, cannot reach the apex." Rambunctious Buttlover remarked with disappointment.

Both men ignored the evaluation of the other and got ready to fight. Deployed Soldier flourished his blade while Rambunctious did the same. Interestingly, both men used thin swords that were like rapiers, and their poses were quite similar too.

The moment Amber called for the battle to begin, both of them used their key skills before they got into the battle.

Lyrical Lines!

｢Guild Local Area Announcement

Player Rambunctious Buttlover has boosted his party's morale through music! The enemy is cowed by his lyrical might!

All players:

Attack +50%

Defense +70%

Speed +20%

All enemies:

Attack -50%

Defense -70%

Speed -20%｣

Inspire!

Deceptive Words!

Sweet Talker!

Disenchant!

｢Disenchant - Active skill

Effect: Insult the sexual, combative, and mental prowess of all enemies, causing them to lose all their buffs and suffer a 40% decrease to all stats.

Duration: 15 minutes

Cooldown: 22 hours.｣

On RamButt's side, the Orator was enjoying a 140% damage increase,160% defense increase, and a 110% speed increase.

In the same manner, Deployed Soldier was weakened by 140% for his damage, 160% for his defense, and 110% for his speed not even fascinating the 40% reduction to all stats.

Right now, RamButt had nerfed Deployed so bad he was like a Rank 1 person trying to fight against a Rank 5 foe. His chances of winning had plummeted greatly, and everyone could feel this.

Nevertheless, Deployed Soldier remained calm.

Speed!

Extreme Finesse!

With a 300% boost to his speed, he negated the speed reduction, but it only gave him a slight advantage. With Extreme Finesse, he regained some more speed, but when the two moved to clash, the disadvantages instantly became apparent.

Granted, Deployed's attacks were connecting with RamButt a lot more than the other way around, yet what did it matter when his damage was utterly mediocre?

Meanwhile, a single strike from RamButt was able to shave off more than 10% of his health in one go despite RamButt being a speed and Charisma-based class, with minimal strength.

Heck, if it wasn't for that, RamButt might even have killed Deployed in one strike. Deployed Soldier tried his best to maintain some poise, but he was easily suppressed by RamButt for the entire duration.

However, he knew he could wait out RamButt buffs since his would last, and his combat skill was slightly higher than RamButt. RamButt knew this too, so he decided to go all out.

It was time for the almighty trump card, Endless Speech!

｢Endless Speech - Active skill

Effect: Speak an unending stream of nonsense so stupid that all enemies within hearing distance lose 2% of their HP per second.

Duration: 2 minutes

Cooldown: 20 hours.｣

"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak, I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo."

"Did you just think that you could fucking fool me with that comment of yours? I've searched your name up in the Navy SEAL database and you have never even graduated BUD/S, hell, even served in the Armed Forces. If you were actually a Navy SEAL, then you actually know how to spell guerrilla, you fucking moron. And you say you are the top sniper in the entire US Armed Forces and have over 300 confirmed kills. If that were true, then why the fuck is Chris Kyle a household name and you aren't? Not to mention he only had 160 kills. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. Plus, why the fuck would you say you have a secret network of spies yet you just revealed that you had your secret network of spies? Are you a fucking idiot? If you can kill someone seven-hundred different ways, then list them all, I bet you can't even come up with seven. And if you had access to the entire US Marine Corps arsenal, then why the fuck did you just say you were in the Navy SEALs earlier? If only you could have done your research prior to posting your little "clever" comment, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you goddamn idiot."

"My Grandfather smoked his whole life. I was about 10 years old when my mother said to him, 'If you ever want to see your grandchildren graduate, you have to stop immediately.'. Tears welled up in his eyes when he realized what exactly was at stake. He gave it up immediately. Three years later he died of lung cancer. It was really sad and destroyed me. My mother said to me- 'Don't ever smoke. Please don't put your family through what your Grandfather put us through." I agreed. At 28, I have never touched a cigarette. I must say, I feel a very slight sense of regret for never having done it, because your post gave me cancer anyway."

"Has it not occurred to you that the voice you've read my post in is in fact the voice in your head? It's your voice, it bears your tone, and your judgement values. How about this: Why are you being a little bitch? I am the matriarch of redditarian gang banging, dear. Do you not know who I am? I am desperately lonely. Are you trying to be my friend? Because you've got an interesting way of going about it. I'm ok with this, I can work with this, this is what we do. I do this. (That's an ICP reference. Get it?) Or am I wrong? Are you hurt or offended by something I said? Have I wronged you somehow? Are you upset? Do you feel trolled? As your friend, I feel obliged to inform you that if you said "yes" to any of these questions, you might be misattributing things to me which do not exist. If you don't understand what that means, how about don't sit there and tell me I'm both somehow subjective and also wrong. You can't have it both ways. So, what's it going to be, chummer? I am The House. And The House says the door is open. Are you going to walk in here, fuck my shit up, and steal my properties? Ok, that's rude. We could also just chill. If I think I'm someone who thinks they're deeper than they actually are, then clearly I must dig deeper. I died once, true story. Listen... everything I've said in this thread... you must read in a voice with a friendly tone. And before you interrupted me, a youthful jubilence. You're abrasive, I'm sure you already know that. I understand I can be abrasive as well. I can understand you, I need you to understand me. If you don't understand me, we can't be friends. If we can't be friends, then you best get to stepping because you're in my way. Are you good?"

"In a fight? Here is what you do, my friend. Bring your chin down to protect your neck while continuing to stare in his eyes. Bring up your hands and say "I don't want no trouble ya hear". Flex your traps and core. Slightly bend your knees. Here comes the important part. In a low voice begin to say "wolowolowolowolowolo" slowly increasing in volume. He should be surprised by now. Begin to sway side to side and loosen all facial muscles and your anal sphincter and your kegal muscle. By now you should be pretty loud and your opponent will have stepped back and appear visibly shaken. Begin to piss and shit yourself and let your eyes roll to the back of your head. By now, you're chanting "WOLOWOLOWOLOWOLO" at the top of your lungs. He will run away. Everyone within a one-mile radius will feel a terrifying presence within their soul. Marvel as you ascend into your planar form."

(Author's Note: Do not be shy my dear readers, please write how much damage you took from reading this in the comments and how much HP you have left.)

(Editor's Note: I hope you used a Fast Pass, cause this shite took up like 40% of the chapter...)

The face of everyone in the crowd changed greatly when RamButt's skill began, as they all rushed to seal their hearing. Alas, it was all for naught. They certainly were free from the damage effect of the skill, but RamButt's skill didn't work based on hearing alone.

Otherwise, anyone could plug their ears and beat him to death. Did that really sound like a Legendary Class if that was true?

As such, many frothed at the mouth as their last few braincells were slaughtered brutally on this day, rendered into vegetables for life. Others even descended into insanity and began acting out while some just wailed as they felt their beautiful IQ plummeting greatly.

Deployed Soldier who received the direct brunt of this paled and grunted, his movement faltering for just an instant. This was enough to allow RamButt to damage him again, bringing his HP into the red.

In a few more seconds, Deployed Soldier would be destroyed by this skill, and Ram Butt would win. He was confident of this because everyone knew that Deployed had no battle skills aside from what his sword gave him, since all his skills were for commanding.

With an army, he was unbeatable. On his own, he was extremely vulnerable.

Just as Deployed Soldier hit 15% HP, he created distance between himself and RamButt. He gazed coldly at the Orator who didn't see any need to pursue the other. There was nowhere his skill didn't reach in this tiny arena.

Deployed sighed and lowered his sword. "I did not want to rely on this until, at least, the semi-finals. However, I can't let you beat me in such a shameful manner. Just as well, let's test how effective it is."

When Deployed raised his head to gaze at RamButt, there was a powerful gleam within. RamButt who had still been smirking suddenly changed his expression, his battle sense telling him that the situation was about to greatly change.

He tried to rush over to kill Deployed Soldier before anything could happen, but it was too late.

Muster!

｢Muster - Active skill

Effect: Troops that have signed under your banner will be summoned to the battlefield regardless of where they are in order to fight against their Commander's enemies.

Cooldown: 20 hours｣

The next moment, every single core member group of Umbra was horrified as their bodies began to glow, even RamButts. They were all suddenly teleported onto the arena, and with them also came the 100,000 Rank 3-5 NPC troops of Vita Kingdom.

Not to mention all the other members of Umbra and various others who had signed on to Vita Kingdom's army were also summoned onto the now severely cramped arena.

RamButt went from green to purple, to blue, and then yellow. How was anyone supposed to fucking fight this?

Was he now supposed to beat his own self up?!

The core members and the army who were summoned were also at a loss about what to do.

This… did not seem right, did it?

Brother Deployed, you wear such an honest and straight face, but you seem to have spent too much time with a certain lolitician.

Have you always been this despicable, or did it come with your job?

Amber, who was floating above was also left speechless. Her lips and eyes twitched as she wondered how to resolve this huge problem that had occurred. The AI too was quite helpless as this was well within Deployed's rights.

It was unfair to ban one of his class skills while the others got to stay the same.

Eventually, Amber flew down and declared. "Due to the severely unfair nature of the Muster skill, its effectiveness will be limited for PvP in order to enforce balancing."

"For the duration of this tournament, Muster will be tweaked to only summon NPCs during PvP, and the NPCs will be limited to those of the same Rank as the opponent of any Great Commander." Amber continued slowly.

Hearing this, RamButt and those not part of the Central Country sighed with relief. Heck, with this lineup, one might even be able to give Essence Stalker a serious life and death crisis!

However, those in the Central Country began to protest heavily. They felt this was unfair. If this was the case, those like Essence Stalker and co should also be limited as their skills were completely overboard for PvP.

"Still, we at GloryGore pursue fairness in all things. Since Deployed has had the effectiveness of his skill reduced, thereby crippling his class as a whole for PvP, his stats - and those of all Great Commanders in PvP - will be increased by 150%." Amber finished with a smile.

Hearing this, the core members nodded and were desummoned from the stage, leaving only about 40,000 NPC troops at Rank 3 on the stage.

Naturally, RamButt paled as putting aside the troops, just Deployed Soldier with such an increase in stats was far more buffed than even him, even with all the nerfs!

When all 40,000 men and woman turned to face RamButt's direction at once under the signal of Deployed Soldier… well, you could say that the fellow was more than a little flabbergasted.

However, he wasn't willing to give up. Even as the army charged at him, he moved closer to try and kite their frontline, hoping to use Endless Speech to kill them progressively.

Unfortunately, due to the confusing situation, RamButt seemed to have forgotten that Deployed was in charge and could see through this. Not to mention, the whole reason why Deployed was forced to overuse Purita was because all his class skills benefited his army.

So now that he had them, how could he not use them?

Commander's Aura!

｢Commander's Aura - Passive skill

Effect: Immunity to all status effects for troops under the command of the user. 3.5x boost to all stats during wartime conflicts for all troops.｣

Unstoppable Charge!

｢Unstoppable Charge - Active skill

Effect: Rush with one's troops in an organized charge towards a location within 9 km, gaining invulnerability for the duration of the charge and dealing 500% extra damage on the first attack from troops within the charge.

Cooldown: 20 minutes.｣

The troops glowed with a resplendent golden light that linked them all as one in their formation as they began sprinting towards RamButt.

The Orator was greatly spooked by this as they encompassed the entire arena and he could not escape them unless he had wings, which he did not.

This skill was on the level of Absolute Defense. Unless one could take to the sky, they would be forced off the stage, if only because of the laws of physic.

RamButt realized this and could only sigh weakly. As such, he jumped off the stage by himself before the army could run him off, his expression morose.

Deployed simply waved a hand as his army disappeared into motes of light, flourishing his blade calmly before sheathing it. With his back turned to RamButt, he spoke calmly.

"Not bad."

Third match winner: Deployed Soldier!

RamButt shook his head and walked over to the core member's area as he spoke to himself.

"Sigh, and here I had dozens more such stories to share. The world is a worse place for not getting to hear about the greatest lines said in human history."