Hagakure Sakura Does Not Lament
chapter-21

Bell looked like a demon as she glared at Tsugumi.

The air around him was terribly heavy because of Bell’s intimidation, although she didn’t seem that scary because she looked like a cat itself.

…She looked pretty angry. he grinned.

–Tsugumi himself knew best what he did.

“I’ve already contacted the government. All I have to do now is wait for the enemy. …Yes, this. I’ll return what I had in my possession.”

With that, Tsugumi released the terminal in his hand to Bell. He doubt that he’d ever use it again, but he hoped that next time she would treat it with care and not drop it on the ground.

When Bell received the terminal, she clicked her tongue.

“Is that all you want to say?”

“…I feel really bad about what I did to Bell-sama. I know an apology means nothing, but still–I’m sorry.”

Saying this, Tsugumi bowed deeply.

To Bell, Tsugumi might be nothing more than one of her pawns. Even so, it must be a blow to lose a tool that had been so useful to her.

As soon as he thought of that, he mocked himself for thinking that such an apology would have value.

No matter how much the Tsugumi apologized, the die had already been cast for the battle. Whether Bell forgave him or not, he had to go to his death in five minutes.

In the end, this act of apology was nothing more than an ego-driven attempt to make things easier.

Bell knew this, too. She just looked at him coldly and didn’t take any action. Tsugumi was completely at fault, but he still couldn’t stand to be hated by the God to who he owed a great debt of gratitude.

After a brief silence, Bell sighed as if she was deeply disappointed.

“Raise your head. It’s nothing interesting to look at.”

Tsugumi looked up.

… She probably meant exactly what she said. He wasn’t forgiven or anything.

“I’ve seen the logs on the terminal. I know that I can’t take it back. So what are you going to do? Do you want to spend ten minutes on your A-class opponent and get over with it?”

When Bell told him so clearly, Tsugumi opened his mouth, looking a little uncomfortable.

“I’m not sure that’s how it’s supposed to be. …To be clear, I don’t even know if I can hold my own for thirty minutes, but I’ll definitely do it.”

Even Tsugumi had the pride of having worked hard for the past three months. No matter what kind of opponent he was up against, his skills should be able to buy him that much time if he adopted a strategy of escape.

…He couldn’t say that he wasn’t afraid to fight. But if he hadn’t taken any action, he would have regretted it for the rest of his life.

–Chidori dies. Just thinking about it made his body stop shaking.

He knew that the happy daily life wouldn’t last forever. Farewell always came suddenly. All a person could do was live hard so that they wouldn’t regret it later.

That’s why, Tsugumi was truly glad that he became a Magical Girl.

If he wasn’t a Magical Girl, he wouldn’t have been able to find a way to save Chidori. He was convinced that he had become a Magical Girl for this moment.

–So, Tsugumi shouldn’t think that he didn’t want to die.

When Tsugumi announced this, Bell’s figure wavered and vanished.

“–This defeatist, no better than a dog!”

“Wa! –Ah, eh, sweet!”

In the blink of an eye, the distance was closed and something in her hand was twisted into his mouth. He swallowed part of it involuntarily, but his brain couldn’t keep up.

He put a hand over his mouth and take out what was pressed against it.

–Fluffy dough and richly flavored custard cream. No matter how you look at it, it was the cream puff that Bell had just eaten.

Tsugumi looked at Bell and the cream puffs alternately, his eyes black and white. What the hell did Bell want to do?

“What are you doing suddenly?”

“Hmmm, that’s better than the rotten eyes you had earlier. –Ah I see. I finally understand why I feel so angry.”

Bell said, and glared at Tsugumi with eyes filled with anger.

But the anger was different from the one that had just appeared here, and Tsugumi was confused.

“Three months ago that day, you were dying.-Do you know why I picked you up?”

“…Because you hate women?”

At least, that’s how Tsugumi heard it. But Bell seemed dissatisfied with this response.

“That’s one thing, but it’s not the only reason.”

You idiot, she chided him in her usual tone. The sound of her voice was somewhat gentle, and Tsugumi was at a loss for words.

“I was observing you that day from the time you were wounded until you were unable to move. I wanted to ridicule you as a fragile human being dying in vain. –But you did not give up. You pushed yourself beyond your limits, but you kept on struggling to survive–I bought your spirit.”

“…That’s because there was a reason I couldn’t die then.”

“What’s the difference between now and then?”

At Bell’s words, Tsugumi went silent. He knew it was not comparable, but in his heart, he admitted that the essence of the two was close.

If Tsugumi had died at that moment, Chidori might have done something dangerous in her search for the truth. She might even have become a Magical Girl who was willing to die in order to negotiate with the government.

And if, after today’s battle, Tsugumi suddenly disappeared, sooner or later Chidori would get to the truth. Chidori was with Meibuki-senpai right now. With her help, it would be easy enough for her to figure out that Tsugumi’s disappearance had something to do with Hagakure Sakura.

-And what would she do if it was discovered that Tsugumi died protecting her in this battle?

If the positions were reversed, Tsugumi wasn’t confident he would be able to stay sane. Thinking about it, his chest felt painful and he almost cried.

It’s not that he wasn’t thinking about Chidori’s feelings. It’s just that he believed this was the best thing to do. That’s all there was to it.

Bell pushed the silent Tsugumi even harder.

“Protect, die, and be done with it. –Don’t make me laugh, selfish idiot. After all, you’re just moving towards something that isn’t painful. I can see that well.“

“Because… that doesn’t mean I can’t do something about it! Ah, yeah, I just don’t want Chidori to die! What’s wrong with that!? If I can buy some time and make it go away, then so be it!”

Tsugumi shouted as if he were howling. He didn’t want to hear it anymore.

–The truth is, it can’t be helped now. Why do you have to push someone who is about to die? Even though he made up his mind and felt calm… It was as if he was taking it out on her.

“Suicidal thoughts don’t apply here. If you have time to rant and rave, why don’t you at least plan a countermeasure? You only have a few minutes left. What if you don’t have the will to defeat your opponent?”

“…I can’t compete with A-class. That doesn’t mean anything–“

There, Tsugumi’s words were cut short. No, he couldn’t continue.

–Bell slapped him on the cheek.

It was the first time he had ever received direct contact from Bell. He looked up at Bell in a daze.

“–Nanase Tsugumi! You took my hand from that time you wanted to live!”

That Bell called out Tsugumi’s name. The shock of it makes his eyes widen involuntarily.

“You can’t win, you can’t compete, you’re not good enough–What’s with that… Where is the reason to give up? If you want to die, what do you do with your hips running away from the beginning!? And yet you’re the contractor I’ve been waiting for!

“…Ah.”

He remembered that day three months ago. He didn’t give up then, and that’s why he was here now.

The devilish God who picked up Tsugumi, who was as good as dead. The only miracle that Tsugumi’s willpower could have achieved. That God was still watching over him.

“I will never say that my judgment was wrong when I saw you struggling to survive! If you have even the slightest desire to reward me, why don’t you live and serve me from now on!”

Bell then looked down at the Tsugumi with her arms crossed irreverently. It seemed that she had said what she wanted to say. She was waiting for the Tsugumi to respond.

–Oh, why? Why am I so happy in this situation?

His vision distorted… He hadn’t shed tears for years.

–God, am I allowed to think that I want to live?

“…If I win, will you praise me, Bell-sama?”

“Don’t get carried away. No matter what kind of opponent you face, it is your–Hagakure Sakura’s–job to offer me victory.”

“…So boring.”

Heh heh heh, Tsugumi smiled like he was crying.

His mental health was already in shambles. He had been pretending to be reasonable for Chidori’s sake, but the plating had long since worn off. Now, he was already afraid of dying. –But, his heart felt radiant.

The difference in ability was hopeless. No matter where he looked, he couldn’t find anything that would help him win. But Tsugumi was not dead yet. Even if the possibility was as slim as a spider’s thread, if there was a chance of survival, he bet on it.

–Because his God believed in him.

“I’m going to win. Class A–what’s the point of reenacting a myth? It’s always been a given that monsters will be defeated by humans!”

In a trembling voice, he inspired himself. Just for now, let’s speak up big words.

It didn’t matter if he was falling to pieces. The winner was the one who stood at the end, even if it was muddy, merciless, and unfriendly.

–Nanase Tsugumi does not lament. The way to go has already been decided.

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