I Should Have Just Died
chapter-135-30041322

No. Alyssa hadn’t been told that the relatives from Cambridge would come today. Alyssa looked around with a pale face and stepped into the garden to try not to be seen. She walked frantically. They appear as they would immediately come and overwhelm Alyssa.

Her spirit, which had already been broken, could not stand their verbal abuse.

It was when Alyssa was walking so aimlessly.

“……Why are you here with that face?”

It was Sid.

Alyssa’s pupils widened. Standing behind Alyssa and looking down with a gloomy look, Sid was holding something.

“I, I…”

Sid bowed in front of Alyssa without saying a word. What he was holding in his hand were Alyssa’s shoes, which she never knew had come off. Sid tapped her feet and put her shoes on.

It was only then that she felt her feet hurt so badly because she was walking around barefoot.

“……I did not know.”

“I think so, so I quietly followed. You got a lot of wounds. Are you all right?”

“Yes. I don’t think it hurts that much.”

“It can’t be. It’s bleeding like this.”

Sid let out a soft sigh.

Sid’s blonde hair is as bright as sunlight. Alyssa’s fingers trembled. These are things that she has been trying to forget.

“It’s really okay. That is nothing.”

Compared to Kendrick, who lost his life unfairly, these wounds are nothing. However, Sid seems to be determined not to accept Alyssa’s words. His eyes looking up at Alyssa were firm.

“Don’t do that, Lisa.”

“What?”

“Don’t hurt yourself. That’s a bad thing.”

Ah… it’s warm.

Alyssa touched him on the shoulder.

“To harm yourself is bad.”

It was a small, careful word as if teaching a small child. He urged her as if to hear an answer from Alyssa.

“Promise me, come on.”

“……I’m not really hurt….”

“Then think of other people. Never do anything that looks painful to other people.”

“How do you tell them apart? Sid, not many people are interested in me. Most people don’t care about me. But even if I get hurt, how do they know I am hurt?”

“Lisa, am I not looking at you? I am curious about how you are feeling today and where you have been. Still, for you, I’m not asking.”

“……Why?”

“Because it can be burdensome for Lisa.”

Seidrick let out a long sigh.

Truly. Alyssa tends to take a step back from everything, so if Seidrick expresses an even greater interest than that, she’ll surely dig into her own snail shell.

“…how do you know me so well?”

Alyssa’s voice trembled.

Today was weird.

Typically, it would be an easy problem if she accepted his worries as if she was used to them and promised not to do so. But today was different. Strangely she wanted to ask even though these are justifiable words that can be said between friends.

That was Alyssa’s expectation.

Even though she promised to drive Sid out of her mind, she had such mean expectations. Alyssa hated herself. How can she be so selfish?

‘Please like me.’

Alyssa swallowed the unspoken words.

There are more things that they haven’t said to each other. Alyssa was also guessing. That Sid must have a secret, he’s hiding from her. Still……

‘Tell me I can like you.’

The words she could never get out lingered in her mouth and then faded away. Alyssa licked her lips, and then she bit them.

‘…Tell me you like me.’

Alyssa squeezed her eyes shut. The unstoppable inner words were swirling around.

No matter what Sid answered, it seemed like it would hurt Alyssa.

“…I must have been too sensitive. Today, I am tired from paying my respects.”

Alyssa turned her head around.

“I’m……”

Seidrick grabbed Alyssa’s arm. It was because his feelings weren’t so light that he couldn’t answer her question. Besides, Seidrick is still not truthful to her.

Ophelia advised Seidrick that he should speak sooner to her rather than later, but he was apprehensive. He was afraid that Alyssa would break down at the truth.

So he hides the words that came up to the end of his throat.

Seidrick called Alyssa, who was stubbornly looking ahead.

“Look at me, Lisa.”

In the end, Alyssa lost to the lure of her feelings. She turned her head and looked at him. Had it not been for the black dress that wrapped around her forearm, which was held by his hand, she would have forgotten entirely the reality that she had come to mourn and confessed as if she had lost her mind.

It was also the first time someone caught Alyssa like this.

“… Lisa is a precious person to me. In any sense.”

It was a word that meant a lot of things.

Alyssa and Seidrick’s eyes met so much that they had vain expectations.

With a mesh in between.

She felt a strange sense of deja vu.

‘I’m used to it.’

Facial expressions, eyes, and tone… all of that.

Want to read more chapters and support us? Please consider becoming a patron to read up to 40 chapters in advance!