I Should Have Just Died
chapter-137-30041322

And Alyssa tends to believe in the philosopher’s words.

It’s her heart, not her head, that makes her cry, laugh, and want to die. Clemore started killing herself.

She skipped meals.

She couldn’t sleep properly.

She keeps thinking about consuming herself.

She vomited what she ate.

She avoided being with anyone.

Alyssa was aware that it was not significantly different from what she was doing. Maybe she was killing herself from the moment she first thought she was going to die. Alyssa smiled faintly.

‘I too…’

Before Alyssa could finish her thoughts any further, she heard a voice calling her from the kitchen. This time, Sid saved her from thoughts of devouring herself.

“Lisa! Let’s eat.”

He rummaged alone and seemed to have done something. There was a savory and warm smell coming from the kitchen. Alyssa stood up with the blanket on. The firewood Alyssa threw in one by one was burning itself brightly.

She was no longer cold. The rainwater soaking her body doesn’t feel cold.

Alyssa ambled.

“It smells delicious, Sid.”

“Yes. Luckily, there were potatoes and onions. It was simply seasoned with salt and pepper. It will be quite tasty and warm. At the very least, it will protect you from hunger and the cold. Eat it.”

Steam was rising from the bowl Sid had placed in front of Alyssa. It was raining, and she couldn’t wash properly, and her body was still wet. The fishy smell, still fresh from the rain, seemed to come from her. It was strange that she was hungry.

Rumble-

She was sure she wasn’t hungry.

Alyssa picked up the spoon.

“It’s delicious. really.”

“They say that hunger is the best side dish. Eat a lot.”

Seidrick sat across from Alyssa.

“…I think I always just receive. Can I not give to someone?”

Alyssa said sullenly. When it comes to moving her body, she has always been useless. It was incredibly upsetting today.

It’s even more when she thinks of Seidrick alone going back and forth in this unfamiliar villa to prepare meals.

In addition, the kitchen and living room, which were full of dust, were neatly cleaned from when they came. When Alyssa moved hard with the dishcloth earlier, nothing had changed.

“Then you can do something else.”

“Something else? What is it?”

Alyssa asked with her eyes wide open.

While eating, Seidrick put down the spoon. What should Alyssa do?

Forgiveness.

Will she be able to forgive herself?

Seidrick laughed bitterly. It was pathetic to himself as he hadn’t told the truth yet. Why is his mouth not opening?

No, he actually knew why.

It’s scary to be hated by Alyssa. He was afraid that she would stare at Seidrick with a cold gaze. It’s just that the time he spends with Alyssa like this blinds Seidrick and turns his eyes away from the truth.

Even though he knew it, he was not paying attention to it.

‘Stupid kid.’

Seidrick asks for Alyssa’s forgiveness. He hopes she gives him another chance again. All of a sudden, like this rainwater, for Alyssa to have no intention of leaving him.

And again…

He hopes Alyssa forgives herself.

Why the hell is she trying to shoulder everything alone ……

Even though it’s not Alyssa’s fault, she always considers herself a sinner. He knew she was hurting herself.

By not eating properly and not sleeping, she puts herself at risk.

That’s something people with ordinary minds don’t do.

Alyssa was a very sick person.

Seidrick laughed bitterly.

“…If I make a big mistake someday, please look back at me generously.”

“Well? Is that enough?”

“Yes. It is the most difficult thing.”

“…I find it the easiest.”

Alyssa smiled brightly.

“I’ve never really had anyone wrong me. But if you sincerely wish for it… how difficult is it to forgive your mistake? I’m sure I’ll do it well.”

Lisa didn’t know it was such a considerable arrogance.

* * *

“You haven’t told her yet?”

Ophelia asked pitifully. The fever had gone down now, but she still had a hot face.

Alyssa and Seidrick returned with a delay. Seidrick, who took Alyssa to the front of the mansion, pretended to go back to the garden and then came back to the estate. It was a very lame move, but she was deceived.

Maybe it’s because she’s drained and exhausted. She can’t afford to look back on things that were so easy to notice.

In fact, Ophelia was surprised that Alyssa didn’t notice. The clothes that Seidrick was wearing now were of materials that could never be obtained as a gardener. The fact that he wore it so casually, and got it rained on, means that he has a secret, but Alyssa didn’t even doubt it.

‘You either can’t afford it, or you don’t want to doubt it.’

Whatever it is… Alyssa’s relationship with Seidrick becomes increasingly problematic.

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