I Should Have Just Died
chapter-159-30041322

Seidrick came to Alyssa’s office because she didn’t appear. Alyssa has always come to his office at a particular time. However, it seems that there were other guests inside first.

Seidrick laughed awkwardly.

“Mother, you are here.”

It was Juliana, who he hadn’t seen even the strand of her hair for a while. He never imagined that he would meet her like this. Ophelia said that their mother needed time, and Seidrick agreed.

His mother lost so many in such a short time.

Seidrick and Ophelia buried Kendrick in the ground, but Juliana would have buried it in her chest. The feeling of letting a child go first was not something they could dare to comprehend. Seidrick understood his mother.

It was because he respected and loved Juliana so profoundly.

“I think I got the time wrong.”

“No, no.”

Juliana held Seidrick with a pale face. She shook her head.

“Sit down.”

Alyssa glanced at Seidrick. Then he nodded his head as if okay. Julianna didn’t dare to meet Seidrick, but it’s not that she wanted to avoid him.

Now that she actually met him, the calculation stood out that she shouldn’t avoid him.

It’s not that they avoided each other because they were wrong or had unpleasant feelings, but rather because they loved each other… She didn’t want to lose him, so she avoided him. Such was the heart of a mother who cares for her children. And even to that point, Seidrick fully understood.

Seidrick hesitated and then sat down.

“Your face…”

Juliana looked at Seidrick and bowed her head.

Did she imagine the worst because she lost precious children in a short time?

Her son’s appearance wasn’t as bad as she thought. Juliana put the worst at worst during the time she didn’t see Seidrick. The delusion that Seidrick was going to die soon made it difficult for her to breathe. However, the face of the son she met didn’t look that bad.

He was a little skinny, but that’s about it.

It was not what Juliana had thought.

“…I’m sorry, Seidrick.”

Alyssa bit her lips, not knowing what to say to comfort her.

She thought she’d understand Juliana’s guilt, but she doesn’t. What did Julianna do wrong?

It’s Avery’s fault…

‘Stop.’

Alyssa stopped her own thoughts. In this situation, if she even mourned herself and fell into melancholy, the situation seemed to be out of control.

Alyssa chose silence. Now it looked like Alyssa had to leave.

“..Mother.”

Seidrick called out Juliana in a low voice.

“What are you sorry for?”

“…It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault, Seidrick. A child can’t be blamed; it’s all the parents’ fault.”

Juliana said in a trembling voice.

“I should have given you a healthier birth. When I had you… I should have eaten well, eaten healthy food, and taken walks… and.”

Juliana bit her lips tightly. She doesn’t know where it went wrong.

Perhaps even the castle of Cambridge was a curse. She just wanted her children to be healthy. But why….

“I should have made you eat good food and get good air when you were young….”

Juliana was stuttering her words.

“After Kendrick died, I fell with him and never looked back at you….”

“Mother.”

Seidrick called Juliana. Coming down from his chair, he knelt on the floor and grabbed his mother’s hands.

“Mother.”

Seidrick called again for Juliana, who could not even see her son’s face properly as she had her head bowed.

“…Look at me.”

Juliana lifted her head slowly.

“Mother.”

Seidrick waited for Juliana to raise her head and look at him. His mother, he thought, did her best. Seidrick never felt materially deprived, and he grew up in good health while playing in the garden. He knew it was all because Seidrick was born in Cambridge, and it was a privilege he enjoyed as a child of Juliana.

While the other aristocratic children spent the day sitting at their desks, Seidrick learned a lot in the garden.

It was all thanks to his mother Juliana and the deceased Duke that he was able to grow up with such a healthy mind and heart.

It is said that parents’ heart is that they want to give and give and give till it’s not enough. Seidrick tightened his grip on Juliana.

“…Look at me, Mother.”

Juliana put Seidrick in her tearful eyes.