Chapter 175 - Intermission: Kuromueina ③ ~ All I Wished was Just Some Happiness ~
I was born from half of Shiro…… The God of Creation, Shallow Vernal.
I’m Shiro, but not Shiro…… And just as I’m different from Shiro, there’s something I’ve wanted since the day I was born.
It’s nothing special, it’s very simple, so I thought I’d get it right away.
When I met Ein, Lillywood, Magnawell, Isis, Megiddo, and Shalltear, I knew I was getting closer to acquiring it. I felt so happy…… but somehow, I felt like it wasn’t what I was really looking for.I may have been wishing for too much, and perhaps, I need to make a compromise…… but the little thorn that pierced in my heart is getting bigger and bigger.
I’ve been living with this world for a while now and I really liked this world.
The lives in this world, along with the sceneries that could be seen, they’re slowly growing and changing…… and I couldn’t help but love it.
When did it start though? In the Demon Realm, we started being called the Six Kings…… So much that before we noticed it, that name had spread out to all beings and I was called the Underworld King by everyone.
……And I couldn’t help but hate it.
It was like they were telling me that I’m a superior being, and every time they call me that, I felt some pain in my chest.
That’s when I realized…… What I really wished for……I love the world. I never thought of anyone as inferior, thinking that we were all equals, and I treated them as such.
However…… No one is looking at me as their equal. No one is standing “right next to my side”.
I have a family that I love…… but they were treating me like I’m the best in the world.
I’ve also got my baby birds…… but in the end, all of them were bowing down their heads.
Why? For what reason? I just want someone to be next to me…… You don’t have to have the same strength as I do, just don’t look at me as a superior, and just laugh with me by my side……That is all that I wanted……
I want someone that treats me as an equal, someone who stands next to me…… and when I finally became aware of what that wish means, it really became more painful than ever before.
……Shiro is…… different. Shiro is me, and I am Shiro, so I don’t treat her as another being different from me.
The small troubles in my mind were first noticed by Shalltear.
[……Kuro-san, I can somewhat guess what you’re troubled about.]
[……Shalltear…… T- That’s right. If it’s Shalltear……]
[I’m sorry…… That’s definitely impossible for me. I am not the being that you’re wishing to find.]
[……Wh…..y……]
Shalltear was a mysterious child. She was from another world, and even though her soul is quite mature, she was a bit of a klutz who couldn’t handle her abilities properly, and after I taught her a lot about how to use her abilities…… we became family.
[……Maybe it’s because I have a decent amount of power. Once I clearly recognized you as my superior in my mind…… I won’t be able to see myself as your equal anymore.]
[H- However, that’s something that I……]
[Even if you think so, it doesn’t erase the perception in my mind that I’m inferior to Kuro-san…… Of course, no matter how much you ask, I could act as your equal as many times as you want. However, if I were to do that…… I’m sure that you would be hurt even more than this.]
[…………………..]
Those words coldly pierced my heart.
I know Shalltear didn’t mean to hurt when she said it like that. I know she only said it out of concern for me…… However, it’s as if she’s telling me that there wouldn’t be anyone who can truly be equal to me.
No one is going to come and treat me as their equal without regarding my mighty power…… That’s what I feel she’s saying.
However, but still…… It isn’t that bad, right? I already have my important family with me, and I’m always feeling happy.
There’s no need for me to wish for more…… isn’t what I thought. If I could just be happy for what I have now…… That should be……
After a really long time passed, there are more children around me than ever before.
My precious family, my beloved baby birds…… they should have been enough for me, and yet, I still couldn’t give up on my wish.
Whenever I find a baby bird that resembles my former self, I can’t help but think “this time” in the back of my mind.
I’ve been thinking that if I raise a baby bird that resembles my old self, they will be able to stand next to me…… but that never came true.
I’m supposed to be happier when I’m surrounded by even more of my beloved children…… But for some reason, I would suddenly feel something cold and painful, and as if there was no one near me all along.
The more I loved the child, the more I try to think of them as my happiness…… However, I feel colder and colder as the depths of my heart froze from despair.
And now, in front of me, another one of my beloved baby birds stood with her dark wings outstretched.
She saw the sad expression I sometimes wore and misinterpreted it……
[Kuromu-sama, you are the one who should be on top of the world!!! Not those Gods in the God Realm, but you!!!]
[……”Fear”…… I am……]
[Theone who should truly be on top of the world isn’t that Shallow Vernal, but you!!! I, no we, will make sure that your great name will be known as the supreme ruler of the world!]
[You’re mistaken…… that kind of thing….. isn’t my wish!!!]
[!? ]
What she said was the farthest thing from what I could hope for.
The supreme ruler of the world? If I were to become that, I know that I truly wouldn’t achieve my wish.
So, what’s the point? I may have been storing up lots of pain without realizing it…… As before I realized it, my magic power was leaking out of my body, and a lot of my children collapsed before my magic power.
[……Kuromu……-sama……]
[I’m sorry, Fear…… but, that’s no good. You can’t trouble the other children…… Understand? You don’t have to do something like that……]
[……However….. All I…… was just a hindrance for you…… Bringing gloominess on your face……]
[I’m sorry, but it’s really nothing…… It’s not something Fear should care about……]
I still regret that moment.
If only I had been honest with her and told Fear what I wanted, telling her that it wasn’t what I wanted…… If only Fear hadn’t called herself the “Demon King” and invaded the Human Realm……
After that incident with Fear, I’ve decided to give up on my wish.
If I kept on showing gloominess on my face, some of the children might misunderstand it, just like Fear. I was forced to keep smiling, even if it meant I was forcing myself to do so.
That’s right, I love this world…… That feeling of mine isn’t false.
That’s why, it’s okay…… Even if I don’t have anyone by my side, my beloved children are still around me……
Yes, I thought……. that I had given up, and I thought…… there wasn’t any hint of my wish in my mind at all.
Festival of Heroes…… The world’s biggest festival held once a decade, where people from Hikari’s homeworld were invited to play the role of Hero…… It wasn’t long after that that my wish started to come out of my mind again.
The children who play the role of Hero…… I like otherworlders…… as they’re “people who don’t know about me”……
The times when I hid my identity and approached them is when I felt the greatest joy…… I felt that they were talking to me as their equal.
I was so happy in that moment, filled with happiness…… However, once they understand a lot about the world, once they find out who I am…… And once they saw my power…… All of them also fell down on their knees.
The time filled with happiness while I talked with them before became the reason why it became impossibly painful for me.
The time filled with happiness and the painful thoughts…… As I repeatedly felt this over and over again, my wish had grown to the point where I couldn’t control it.
I want to talk to the otherworlder children longer and hear them speak to me equally more…… However, the children who play the role of Heroes are so busy that I can only have a few conversations with them while keeping my identity hidden.
In the end, the desire to not give up even a little bit…… drove me to do such a thing.
I tinkered the Hero Summoning magic circle so that it would summon multiple otherworlders…… I figure that if I did that, I could talk to everyone except for the child who holds the role of Hero even longer.
I ended up troubling Shalltear when I decided to do so…… but I thought that this would be the last time I’m doing this. This is the last time, and after this, I would throw away this wish of mine that won’t be achieved…… Putting the wish hidden behind the depths of my heart within my magic power, I let the Summoning magic circle run amok.
And then……. that’s when I met you.
In the beginning, I didn’t have any special feelings for you. I was just thinking of raising you for your sake.
However, you’re a really different child.
All the children who hold the role of Hero I’ve talked with so far, every time I show them a bit of my power, little by little, they’ve become afraid of me.
However, you’re not like them at all, always greeting me in the same way.
And then, you easily surpassed my imagination…… When I found out that Shiro, the other me was interested in you, I was surprised.
Because the only people Shiro has ever been interested in…… are Shalltear and Hikari-chan……
If you’ve gained Shiro’s interest, if you’re not afraid of standing before her, I thought that maybe…… That’s why I decided to tell you about my true identity.
I may have acted like I didn’t really care about your reaction, but I was really…… really afraid.
I was afraid that after you found out who I was…… you’d leave me and all the fun and happiness I felt in the days you’re here would disappear.
When I went to Lilia-chan’s house, I felt like my heart was about to be torn apart until you spoke to me. I shuddered at the thought of you speaking to me in a respectful manner and apologize for your previous rudeness.
[Kuro, so you’re actually the Underworld King huh……]
Hearing the slightly amazed tone in your voice, I was so happy that I almost cried.
Even after knowing who I was…… You still spoke to me as an equal. I felt happy, felt so happy that I can’t contain myself.
I mean, I’ve never seen one like you before. Not a single child has ever……
[Indeed, though you’re kind of different from what I had imagined.]
No child has ever told me that before…… There isn’t anyone who treated me like that.
Since then, I think that’s when I started to have strong feelings for you…… I’ve enjoyed talking to you more than ever, and seeing your smile makes me happy too.
For the first time…… I felt the feeling of love…… because of you.
However, as my feelings for you grew, something that has been greatly weighing on my mind appeared.
When the Festival of Heroes ends, you will return…… to the world you came from…… and you will disappear from my life.
I know! I also heard that you have important people in your former world…… and an uncle and aunt who have been taking care of you.
If I think about you…… I must give up these feelings. You would return back to your own world…… that’s why……
I’ve become too used to lying to myself over the years.
The truth is that I was just scared…… I felt that if I let these growing feelings of mine for your come out into the open…… I will never be able to turn back to how I used to be.
I feel like I wouldn’t be able to live without you anymore…… and that’s something I can’t help but fear.
I wish I could have walked away from you once I realized that, but I was too happy to spend my time with you that I couldn’t bear for us to part.
And with every step you took, I can definitely feel you getting closer and closer to me.
When you held out the golden fruit to me, my heart greatly trembled.
I was so happy, unbearably happy…… However, if I were to receive it, I would already……
That’s why I rejected you.
With all my might, and with all my heart…… putting in my killing intent…… I can’t get away from you, so I asked you to get away from me……
Of course, I didn’t really want to kill you, nor did I want to hurt you.
I had a firm grasp on your Sympathy Magic, so little by little, to bring out the fear hidden within your heart…… I increased my killing intent.
But…… However…… You are……
[……Kuro…… Thank you…… for everything.]
However, you still didn’t let me go away…… You won’t let go of my heart.
And for the first time……. I was defeated.
I was convinced that you are the one…… The one I’ve been wishing to meet all these times.
I thanked Kaito-kun again for listening to this long story of mine.
Since it was already late at night, Kaito started getting ready for bed and I’m going to leave…… is what he thought, but I actually pretended to leave and actually stayed hidden somewhere near.
After Kaito-kun went to bed, I came back to his room…… and crawled into the futon where Kaito-kun sleeps.
Perfectly sticking my body against his, I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of Kaito-kun’s body heat all over my body.
The feeling of happiness and his comfortable warmth…… I bury my face in my beloved Kaito-kun’s chest, feeling the happiness that surrounds my whole body.
Kaito-kun…… I love you, I really love you.
What you will do after the Festival of Heroes…… isn’t something I will ask. Because either way, it doesn’t matter anymore for me……
I will be glad if you stay here with me, but if you go back to your previous world…… I’ll be there with you.
Even if I have to leave this world I’ve always loved, I still want to walk towards the future with you by my side……
**********
{Author’s Notes}
New Fact: The Demon Lord’s name is Fear, she was one of Kuro’s baby birds, and she misread Kuro’s heart and went out of control…… In other words, she’s a clumsy girl.
And with that, the Intermissions are over…… Next time, it will be the date that will make everyone vomit rainbows. After that, I feel like it would be Isis’s chapter, with each heroine becoming the main focus of the story.
Also, Kaito, who was sleeping together with a little girl, die.
T/N: 45/230
