Chapter 191 - I Think She's a Person Worthy of Respect
After she finished treating the injured man who was suddenly rushed in, the two men thanked her for her help and left, Noir-san said it was time for her to go home and get ready for dinner.
I suggested that I would carry her back home, but after she told me she was okay, Noir-san left.
Even though it was still early in the evening, I was worried about sending a woman home alone…… but in the first place, Noir-san is a Demon, a half-vampire…… I heard that as long as her kind is replenished with blood, they’re incomparably better than me, so it seemed like my worry wasn’t needed.
I could have gone home too, but since I’m here, I decided to take a look around the church, and Dr. Fear gladly agreed to that.The vast number of crosses on the walls looks like stars in a planetarium, and that’s what makes this church a little different from normal churches.
I’ve never been to a church in person, but I know about them to a certain extent…… They were also sometimes being shown on TV and anime, so I at least know that it wasn’t filled with so many crosses.
(T/N: Christianity is considered as one of Japan’s minor religions. source: google)
[……It’s beautiful, but it’s slightly different than the church that I had imagined.]
[Yes, that’s true. That’s because this place isn’t a church to begin with.]
[……Ehh?]
When I said the question that came to my mind, I received a shocking from Dr. Fear.Eh? This isn’t a church? Even though it’s decorated like this?
Seeing my astonishment, Dr. Fear softly smiles and touches a nearby wooden bench, she spoke.
[……This place was originally built by me personally, and as far as I’m concerned, it wasn’t intended to be a church but…… Just like Miyama-kun, someone misunderstood my intentions and asked me to let her pray. Thereupon, I added benches and an altar, and made it look lie a church.]
[I see. So that’s why Dr. Fear, a doctor, is also a priest as well.]
[……W- Well~~ I’m not really doing anything priestly, and as for me, just being a doctor is good enough for me but…… Well, I guess that’s just what the public’s perception has turned out huh?]
Dr. Fear looked beautiful when she chuckled when she said that, and combined with her nun’s habit, she really looked like a saint.
[Speaking of which, why did Dr. Fear become a doctor?]
[Ehh? Me?]
[Ahh, no, it’s okay if you don’t want to answer……]
I found myself unexpectedly asking such questions.
I think Dr. Fear is a splendid person and I can tell for sure by the emotions that come through the Sympathy Magic that she is truly a kind person.
However, there was something strange…… It’s like there’s always a faint hint of dark emotion mixed in with her gentle kindness, and for some reason, painful emotions were flowing from Dr. Fear when the men thanked her before leaving.
I wanted to know the answer to that question, but of course, if there were some circumstances involved in it, I’m not going to force her to answer.
When I told her that, Dr. Fear held up her index finger with a smile after a bit of silence.
[……Well then, before I answer, here’s a question for you! Why do you think I became a doctor in the Symphonia Kingdom?]
[……E- Errr…… Hmmm. Because the food here is so good?]
[It’s true that Symphonia Kingdom has a good food culture. But, unfortunately… That’s not the right answer.]
To be honest, the only difference I know between the Symphonia Kingdom and the other countries is that this country has a developed food culture based on what Alice taught me about……
However, from the way Dr. Fear spoke, there seems to be some other reason why she is working as a doctor here in the Symphonia Kingdom.
[The answer is…… because there are “few doctors” here in the Symphonia Kingdom.]
[Eh? Is that so?]
[Unnn. The reason for this is simple. Because there’s a temple in this country dedicated for the “Goddess of Health”.]
[……Ah, I see! The blessings!]
I remembered hearing that there’s a culture in this world where people go to the temple on New Year’s day to receive a blessing from the Goddess of Health, which will prevent them from getting sick.
I see, and if no one gets sick, it must mean less work for doctors.
[That’s correct…… However, Miyama-kun, what you’re thinking right now is probably wrong.]
[……Eh?]
[……Blessings, you see. Except for the ones that are done directly by the Goddesses, they are only something that consoles the public…… and there are only a few people who directly receive the blessings from the Goddess……]
Dr. Fear surprised me. Come to think of it, the blessing from God is one gold coin each…… Converted to Japanese yen, that’s 1 million yen.
Putting aside if you’re part of a noble family, but for the cost of a gold coin, for each family…… Only the wealthy families would be able to set aside 2 million for a couple, or at least, 3 million if they also have children, each year.
That means that most people in the Symphonia Kingdom aren’t directly blessed by the Goddess and can get sick.
[……That’s why doctors aren’t really a popular profession in this country. The people in the upper echelons who have money don’t get sick and don’t get injured as often…… Well then, here’s another question.]
[Eh?]
[If a mermaid/harpy hybrid mother and a half-elf father had a child, if that child got sick…… what hospital would you take him to? To the mermaids’? The harpies’? The elves’? Or perhaps, the humans’?
[……Ahh.]
[Yes, there are lots of hybrids in this world, and different races have different bodies. It’s really hard to be a doctor…… I’ve been a doctor for a long time. It took me 200 years to be able to see a patient with a reasonable amount of confidence, and yet, I still get patients with symptoms I’ve never seen before.]
This world has different races mingling with each other, and hybrids aren’t uncommon.
In fact, from the people I know, Lunamaria-san is a mixed-blood of four different races from what I heard from here…… So, the difficulty of medical treatment will probably dramatically increase.
Furthermore, the Demons have much more diverse races, and the treatment of the Demons who live in the Human Realm would be treated as if they were different from Humans, and the diseases they get would also be different.
[……Well, because doctors are often in short supply, that’s why I became a doctor, I guess? I still have some things to learn, but I’d love to be a doctor who can cure as many species as possible.]
[Is that…… to help a lot of people?]
[……Unnn. I want as many people to be as healthy as possible. I just want them to live with a smile on their faces…… and even if it’s just a little bit, hopefully help them live a happy life.]
I think that her kindness really is bottomless…… but, it appeared again. I can feel some painful emotions again, as if she’s suffering from something.
This is…… It kind of resembles the emotions I felt from Lilia-san during the Sacred Tree Festival. That is to say, could this emotion be…… regret?
However, I think this is probably something I should just lightheartedly step into, nor is it something I can just ask.
[I see, thank you for telling me. Dr. Fear really is a splendid doctor. I respect you.]
[!? ]
I should have brought this conversation to a close…… but hearing my words, Dr. Fear’s expression distorted. She looked helpless and feeling in pain……
In front of me, who was confused by the change in her expression, Dr. Fear slowly walked over to the altar and without turning to look at me, she quietly muttered.
[……I’m not a splendid person worthy of your respect. No, rather…… I think I’m the biggest fool in this world.]
[……Eh?]
[……You see, the crosses glittering around this church. It’s the “number of lives I’ve taken”……]
[!? ]
I didn’t immediately understand the sorrowful words that she said.
She had taken as many lives as the number of these little crosses? But, these crosses…… They’re so tightly packed in the walls that counting them in 100s or 1000s wouldn’t be enough…..
[……E- Errr, does that mean…… these are people you couldn’t help as a doctor?]
[……No. You’re mistaken…… Of course I’m not all-powerful either, so there are lots of people I couldn’t help. In the backroom of the doctor’s office, I’ve left the names of people I couldn’t help for me to remember but…… These crosses are completely different from them.]
[Different?]
[……Long ago, I took the lives of so many people. I took away the precious lives of innocent people for no reason…… The crosses in this room is the symbol of the sins I committed and the punishment I will have to carry for the rest of my life……]
Dr. Fear’s voice doesn’t sound like she’s telling a lie. More than anything else, my Sympathy Magic made me feel how painful Dr. Fear’s regrets are.
[……I don’t think that saving one life would allow me to be forgiven for taking one life. No, rather, no matter how many lives I save, even if I save all the people in the world, my sins will never be forgiven…… for my sins shouldn’t be forgiven.]
[……………………]
[I am not an omnipotent God. No amount of repentance, no amount of tears to shed to the point of withering, no amount of apologizing here every day…… For no matter how much I do all of these, you can’t bring back a life that’s gone.]
When I came here with Noir-san, Dr. Fear was in a prayer position in front of the altar.
However, it seems that wasn’t a prayer, but a penance…… In this place surrounded by the symbols of her sins, she continued to apologize for the lives she had taken.
[……Even though it’s painful and brings me to tears, I will not turn away from my sins and will continue to carry them until the end of my life. And using this sinful life of mine, I will continue to save as many lives as possible…… that’s probably the only redemption I can do.]
[……Dr. Fear.]
[I’m sorry. I’m not the kind of person you can respect.]
[………………….]
I wonder what I can say here? I honestly can’t think of any words to say at all.
Dr. Fear said that her sins would never be forgiven, but perhaps, more than anyone else, Dr. Fear couldn’t forgive herself.
So, no matter what I said here, I’m sure that Dr. Fear would still carry her sins for the rest of her life.
However, I wonder why? I really felt like I should say something.
[……I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. Whether what kind of person Dr. Fear was before or what sin you had committed…… I can’t say anything about it.]
[……Unnn. That’s fine…… It would be better if you despise someone who has greatly sinned like me……]
[However, as I thought, I still feel lots of respect for Dr. Fear.]
[…………….Eh?]
I don’t know about Dr. Fear’s past, and even if I did, I don’t think I’d be able to get any impressions from it, as I’m not related to it at all, aside from my typical reactions.
So, I decided not to think about it.
[I don’t know what your past was, and I’m not going to ask. It’s just that, the woman I’ve known and with whom I’ve been in contact with all day today…… to me, she’s a kind person who reached out to people who are hurt and someone I can truly respect.]
[……Miyama-kun……]
[Besides, you should be at least 200 years old, right? There’s no I would ascertain what happened back then…… and even if I knew about Dr. Fear’s past sins, I wouldn’t lose my respect for “the current Dr. Fear”.]
[……Miyama-kun…… Have people ever told you that you’re a womanizer?]
[Ehh? W- What the heck are you suddenly saying!?]
She suddenly turned the conversation to something completely incomprehensible…… Womanizer… Why the heck is she saying that to the virgin me?
Seeing my confusion, Dr. Fear looks amused for some reason.
[Ahaha, you must be popular huh?]
[N- No, it’s not like I’m……]
[I don’t know about that~~ Well, no matter…… Thank you, Miyama-kun.]
[Ehh? Eh? Ah, yes. Y- You’re welcome.]
I don’t know what the heck happened, but it looks like Dr. Fear seems to be feeling better, and she tightly interlocked her hands with each other in front of her breasts.
[Al~right~~, I’m filled with determination! I’m going to work harder today than I ever have before!]
[Ah, errr, yes.]
[Now then, it’s about time I clean up and see you off, Miyama-kun…….]
[Ahh!? Dr. Fear, watch your feet! There’s a step there!!!]
[Fuehh? ——-Kyaaahh!?]
[!? ]
Dr. Fear was about to vigorously step forward, but the altar is a step higher than the floor…… I instantly knew what was going to happen next, so I quickly reached out my hands to her.
And somehow, I managed to catch Dr. Fear who had lost her footing and was about to fall over.
[……A- Are you alright?]
[U- Unnn…… T- Thank you.]
That’s great…… Thanks to Dr. Fear’s slender figure, even the weak me still managed to catch her.
If I wasn’t able to support her and she still fell, it would have been a really shameful situation…… Yep, let’s go work out a bit more. Let’s do that.
Raising Dr. Fear’s body, I make sure she’s firmly standing before separating.
I could still feel her body from my hands that caught her earlier though, and even though I said all those sorts of words saying that I respect her, I felt my heart skip a beat.
Dr. Fear is slender but…… She’s quite well-endowed…… wait, what the heck am I thinking about!?
[……Hey, Miyama-kun.]
[Ehh? Ah, yes!]
[……Come visit me again. Even on the days where Noir-san won’t receive treatment…… I’ll at least serve you a cup of tea.]
[Yes. Alright. I’d love to visit again.]
I don’t know if it’s because Dr. Fear is a healer or not, but she’s gentle and kind, and talking to her makes me feel relieved, so I was grateful for her offer.
I’ll continue to visit her in the future, though not as much as to interfere with her work as a doctor.
It was already well into the evening, so I left the church/hospital with Dr. Fear saying goodbye to me.
As Dr. Fear gave me a small wave, I waved back at her before turning my back…… but that’s when I think I heard a small voice.
[……That must be why Kuromu-sama likes you huh……]
[Eh? Did you say something?]
[No. It’s nothing…… See you later!]
[Ah, yes.]
Turning around once to ask her what she just said, Dr. Fear just shook her head and gave me a big smile.
The bright expression on her face soothed me, and waving my hand to her once again, I head home.
Dear Mom, Dad—— A lot of things seemed to have happened to Dr. Fear in the past, and she seemed to regret it a lot. There’s nothing I can do about her regret, and I probably shouldn’t thoughtlessly intrude upon such matters…… But regardless of that, what I think of Dr. Fear is that——– I think she’s a person worthy of respect.
**********
{Author’s Notes}
No, Kaito, you’re a womanizing riajuu. Go die.
Serious-senpai: [I- I won’t be fooled…… T- To be placated with such sweetness…… P- Please give me more!]
I was actually planning to start Sieg’s arc in the , but Kaito’s visit to Fear’s church has gotten longer than I thought, so I’ll just suspend Sieg’s arc a chapter more and insert another story.
My apologies.
T/N: 55/237
