I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell
chapter-169

The Diver I

Breaking news. Ha-yul was sulking.

“......”

The reason was simple. I had gone to the Uyuni Salt Flats, which was at the top of Ha-yul’s bucket list (nine pages long on A4 paper), without her. She was, of course, furious, and when this kid expressed her anger, it was in the most childish way possible. She decided, I won’t just stop talking to you. I’ve also decided not to hear you.

“Ha-yul.”

She turned her head to the left.

“Ha-yul. I’m really sorry.”

She turned her head to the right.

No matter how much I tried to make eye contact, she kept turning her head. It was as if her head-turning skills were on par with an Olympic synchronized swimmer’s legs, our gazes always in perfect parallel.

‘Ah.’

I had expected this. That was why when Ha-yul asked, “Oppa, where are you going?” before I left for Uyuni, I vaguely replied, “Uh? Oh. Just somewhere nice.”

I had planned to be back in a week at most. Normally, Ha-yul, who treated others with disdain like Ch’oe Yŏng, wouldn’t have cared about a week-long disappearance.[1] But as revealed in the last story, I was scammed by an airline.

What was meant to be a week away ended up being stretched to three months. The trip’s content also changed. The original plan was to enjoy the Uyuni Salt Flats for two days, but the remaining 87 days turned into a hands-on field trip called, “How did Homo sapiens cross the Pacific Ocean to reach the Hawaiian Islands? Let’s find out!”

There was no one to complain to. Like humans, anomalies had a particularly narrow understanding of concepts like “refunds,” “fair compensation,” and “well-written apologies.” The victims were always innocent customers like me.

“Go to hell…”

“Oppa, so where have you been?”

After surviving a grueling ordeal to return to the Korean Peninsula, I was greeted only by Do-hwa’s chokehold and Ha-yul’s cold stare. An explanation was unavoidable.

Hence, the current situation. The world wasn’t a dating sim where once you maxed out favorability, it stayed there. Upon realizing I had gone to Uyuni without her, Ha-yul set about readjusting her favorability.

“Ha-yul? Won’t you talk to me?”

Ha-yul ignored me and declared, “Something smells funny. I keep smelling an old man’s stench.”

My sensitive, middle-aged heart was shocked to its core. I almost had a heart attack.

‘Is this how a father feels when facing a rebellious child?!’

As a regressor, I never thought I’d experience such emotions, but here I was. Barely able to get the words out, I croaked, “…Let’s go to the Uyuni Salt Flats together next time.”

Ha-yul turned her head.

It was the first time in three days that our eyes met. The jaw of the maid puppet Ha-yul always carried suddenly relaxed.

“Next time? When?”

“After summer ends. This fall.”

“Really?”

“Really. Let’s also visit Machu Picchu and Tenochtitlan for an all-American special excursion.”

“Oppa, I love you!” A fake love wrapped around my shoulders. I shivered with shame.

“…But you have to help with the preparations for the great monsoon without any complaints. Follow the guild leader’s instructions. Got it?”

“Okay!”

My body was already having a fit at the thought of another trip, but there was no other option. To survive the annually recurring disaster event, Ha-yul’s help was crucial. This event was called the ‘monsoon.’

Yes.

If you live on the Korean Peninsula, the monsoon is a season of fear and horror at the subconscious level. The big summer event was approaching.

Some of you might have noticed that I rarely mention the ‘weather’ in my stories, and those who did have sharp eyes. In reality, the Earth was experiencing a weather-born apocalypse even before the birth of anomalies. The polar bears crying upon their drifting on ice floes from the Arctic every year were proof of this.

The Climate Apocalypse.

By definition, the hypothesis that the world might end due to climate change. It was a grave thing to consider, even without anomalies, but the anomalies took it a step further.

- The weather in Daegu is insane. How can it be 42 degrees in summer? Is this a desert or a city?

- Maybe it’s always been a desert.

- What the?

Daegu had turned into a desert.

No exaggeration, it was literally desertifying.

It wasn’t just Daegu. The Gaema Plateau in North Korea had become a paradise for polar bears migrating from Siberia. Tigers, revived as anomalies named ‘Mountain Lords’ in the Baekdu Mountain range, faced fierce competition. But the Korean Peninsula had it easy compared to its neighbors. In Japan, “earthquakes” visited every season. These weren’t just any old quakes either, but massive ones like the Tokai earthquake that came accompanied with all kinds of related anomalies. It was also why I respected the magical girls of Japan.

Given the situation, the regions habitable by humanity were extremely limited. In a way, ‘climate anomalies’ were the greatest threat to Homo sapien survival. So, what was the climate specialty of Busan, the new capital and last utopia of the Korean Peninsula?

“The monsoon is coming.”

“......”

“......”

Tension filled the air of the conference room. The few gathered in the heart of the National Road Management HQ were indeed the heart of Busan—if not the entire Korean Peninsula. Noh Do-hwa, head of the National Road Management; Yu Ji-won, Operations Control Director; Dang Seo-rin, Guild Alliance leader; Seo Gyu, SG Net operator; and Sim Ah-ryeon, Saintess of the Eastern Holy State were all present.

“This monsoon is going to be record-breaking,” I warned. “If we’re not thoroughly prepared, the entire Korean Peninsula could vanish during the season.”

“Isn’t it always ‘record-breaking?’ What’s different this time?”

“I saw it first hand while crossing the Pacific. Super typhoons are forming in the western North Pacific.”

Dang Seo-rin shuddered, hands trembling as her face darkened. The recent trip had traumatized both of us.

“Look at this.”

I opened a PowerPoint presentation. Despite crossing the Pacific on a makeshift raft, I managed to take pictures with a spirit camera. The current monsoon status showed a ‘typhoon’ in the photo.

Noh Do-hwa grimaced at the sight. “What the hell is that?”

“It’s a typhoon.”

“Fuck. That’s not just wind, it’s a waterspout. You call that a typhoon?”

“Don’t expect logic from anomalies.”

Indeed, the typhoon that formed this summer was 1,200 kilometers in diameter and composed entirely of ‘water.’ Whoever called water the mother of life would rethink that if they saw this typhoon. Water can kill.

“Other regions can manage with their usual preparations, but Busan is different. If that typhoon hits us directly, the city will become the new Atlantis. We need a plan.”

“Let’s evacuate…”

A shocking proposal! The head of National Road Management suggested abandoning the capital. Noh Do-hwa seemed to have succumbed to the anomaly ‘Capitals are meant to be abandoned’ that no Korean Peninsula ruler could escape.

Shaking my head at her plan to emulate the Joseon dynasty’s royal family, I said, “We can’t run, Director.”

“Then how do we survive it? How? We’d have been better off with a tsunami. If that thing lands, the coastline will move to Daegu. We should evacuate the citizens of Busan through the Inunaki Tunnel to Seoul.”

“Director.” I gave her a pitying look. “We can’t avoid the monsoon typhoon. If Busan escapes unscathed, the typhoon will hit another city.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“This isn’t a natural phenomenon, it’s an anomaly. The Korean Peninsula can’t escape the monsoon unscathed. The typhoon will exist until its havoc is wrecked, and the monsoon season will persist with it. Someone has to take on this 1,200 kilometer water bomb.”

“......”

“Is there any city as well-prepared as Busan? Any place with its concentration of power? The most efficient path forward is for us to handle it. Otherwise, half the cities on the Peninsula will be wiped out.”

“Shit…”

The horror of the anomaly made Noh Do-hwa shudder. As the top authority’s mood worsened, so did the conference room’s atmosphere. Only Sim Ah-ryeon, who barely knew what caution was, threw caution to the wind and raised her hand.

“Excuse me, guild leader?”

“Go ahead.”

“Well, I doubt Pyongyang Holy City will be affected by the typhoon. So since the area in question is not my responsibility, can I leave now?”

“If a monsoon of this magnitude hits, SG Net will also go down.”

“What? For how long?”

“At least two weeks, even if we’re lucky. Heavy rain disrupts internet communications, and that’s not taking into account the related anomaly that will follow.”

“The Eastern Holy State will mobilize all its forces to help our brothers in Busan!” Sim Ah-ryeon clutched my hand with both of hers, more sincerely and earnestly than I had ever seen. Even more than when she said, “I really like the caffè mocha that the guild leader makes.”

Noh Do-hwa let out a sigh as she scratched the back of her head.

“Director,” I counseled, “sighing wastes good luck.”

“Fuck off with your old-man advice. How do we deal with that monstrous water bomb? Didn’t you come up with a plan before calling this meeting?”

“Of course. Everyone, please pay attention.”

I confidently moved to the next slide on the PowerPoint.

Written in new-age fonts, it said:

[Monsoon Flood Damage Prevention Plan]

[STEP 1]

[Noh Do-hwa Renaming Project!]

Silence filled the conference room.

After a long pause, Noh Do-hwa reacted, asking, “…What? Renaming? What kind of renaming…?”

“Director Noh Do-hwa. It may be distressing to change the precious name given to you by your parents, but names are crucial when dealing with anomalies. For the sake of Busan’s citizens, please consider renaming yourself this summer.”

“No, seriously, what does my name have to do with Busan’s safety?”

“From now on, your name is not Noh Do-hwa.” I looked earnestly at the top authority of the Three Han. “Your name is ‘Noah.’”

“......?”

“What are you waiting for, Noah? Start building the ark.”

“You son of a―!”

Noah’s Ark construction project, initiated!

The ‘Noah’s Ark’ in the Bible boasted impressive specifications. My focus, however, lay with Noah as a person. I suspect that he was an ancient archmage.

First, Noah managed to fit all the world’s plants and animals into a mere 135-meter-long boat. That included blue whales and various fish. This meant the ark had the world’s largest aquarium. Clearly, the ark had a ‘my inventory is infinite’ spell. Moreover, this infinite space was made entirely of wood, as Noah lived in the Bronze Age.[2] The feat was impossible by modern engineering standards, but that was irrelevant. Science advances over time, but magic grows stronger the farther back you go. The ancient archmage Noah likely strengthened the wood to steel levels.

Unfortunately, the modern-day Noah (formerly Noh Do-hwa) on the Korean Peninsula had no magical talent, but there was an archmage who could act as Noah’s wand.

“Ah――Ah――Ah――”

Dang Seo-rin, an awakener with top-tier magical talent, sang atop Geumjeongsan, the highest point in Busan. The trees, moved by her outdoor concert, uprooted themselves and gathered along Geumjeongsan’s ridge. Indeed, I haven’t mentioned this all that often, but Seo-rin’s Cursed Song Incantation excelled in support roles.

Wearing a helmet with “Safety First” written on it, I smiled with satisfaction. “The ark construction is going smoothly.”

“......”

“Then Noah… no, Director Noah. Please, kneel down.”

Ah-ryeon, Ha-yul, and I gathered at the Geumjeongsan worksite alongside Seo-rin. Another surprising guest also graced us with their presence. Playing the role of ‘God’ in this Noah’s Ark play was none other than Mo Gwang-seo Jesus Christ.

“Ha-yul, are you ready?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Director Noah, what are you doing? Kneel before Mo Gwang-seo Christ. You can bow too, if you like.”

For once, Noh Do-hwa’s lips trembled. She wore a name tag with ‘Noah’ on it. “Do we really have to do this, Undertaker?”

“Yes.” My answer was firm. “We’re using the most powerful myth on Earth, Genesis. We need the minimum decorum for ‘Noah’s Ark’ to work effectively.”

“......”

“Please, hurry?”

With an expression that seemed to curse the world, Noh Do-hwa knelt. Mo Gwang-seo looked down at her, his smile as benevolent as ever. Of course, Mo Gwang-seo had no free will. Every move and word was controlled by the Puppeteer, Ha-yul. Mo Gwang-seo (ft. Ha-yul) spoke.

“All living beings have spread corruption across the Earth, and their end has come before me. I will destroy all living beings along with the Earth.”

“......”

“Noah. Therefore, build an ark.”

Noh Do-hwa’s lips quivered, her tongue trembled, and her teeth chattered as she mumbled, “Yes…”

God commanded, and Noah obeyed. A reenactment of Genesis! Though there was a small error with the actor playing God also being the son of God, anomalies didn’t care about such details. Now, Noh Do-hwa was truly Noah. Every vessel she helped build would now serve as an ark.

“Hell, what a shitty world…”

Noah, the actor, had a foul mouth for humanity’s savior, but that didn’t matter.

“You damn regressor, are you getting back at me for being missing for three months?”

What an absurd accusation. I kept my personal and professional matters strictly separate. Was there anyone who was as impartial as me?

I looked out over the Busan coastline, my gaze earnest.

July. An SSS-level monsoon was heading north toward the Korean Peninsula.

Summer had arrived.

Footnotes:

[1] Ch'oe Yŏng was a Korean general turned national hero who was known to turn up his nose at human veneers and luxuries.

[2] The Bronze Age was the period that came before the Iron Age, when more versatile metallurgy and engineering spread through human civilization.