I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell
chapter-200

The Wicked One III

Have you ever heard of "Dok-seo's Paradox"?

Of course, you haven’t. That's because I made it up.

As mentioned in this story, Oh Dok-seo of the 888th round had fallen into an unprecedented slump. Relying on AI just because she couldn’t write—there’s probably no more shameful existence in the history of literature than "Author Oh Dok-seo," akin to trying to pull non-vulgar words from Seo Gyu's mouth.

But what about "Awakener Oh Dok-seo"?

"Mister."

"Hm?"

"I'm going to Seoul for a bit."

After seven years of hiatus, the readers of SG Net were so devastated that they designated Oh Dok-seo as a public enemy of the martial arts world. Whenever Literary Girl popped up in SG Net’s freeboard, readers would swarm and hurl insults, solidifying their camaraderie. In response, Oh Dok-seo displayed the cliché of a protagonist targeted as a public enemy in martial arts.

She had truly "awakened."

"Why Seoul all of a sudden?"

"Well. I just feel like raiding the Tower of Sauron."

"...Isn’t that place a bit challenging?"

"That’s what makes it fun."

Oh Dok-seo. Hobbies: Void hunting.

With a carefree tone, as if she were just going for a walk, Oh Dok-seo cheerfully left the Inunaki Tunnel and really did return after destroying a Great Void all by herself.

"Tsk. There were rumors that there was a One Piece treasure at the Tower of Sauron, but it was all bullshit."

"......"

"Kyaaa! After taking down a void, nothing beats gulping down a cup of espresso from you, Mister. This is what life is about."

"Dok-seo."

"Hm?"

"That coffee cup is expensive, so please don’t recklessly channel your Aura through it. If it breaks, it’ll be impossible to find another one like it."

"Oh! Sorry, Mister. I’ve been running my shield 24/7 lately. I’m still not as skilled as you, so I’m a bit clumsy!"

"No... you’re doing really well. Now, I’m not even sure if Yo-hwa could guarantee a win against you."

"Come on! I’m not that good yet! Hehe."

Bzzz!

Oh Dok-seo’s full-body smile radiated with a blood-red aura, shimmering intensely before my very eyes.

It was the very essence of Conqueror's Haki.[1]

I felt I’d just joined a gym with a friend so we could stay in shape, then that friend went and declared they’d be entering the Mr. Olympia bodybuilding competition.

Some guild members discreetly backed away from the overwhelming aura.

"...I’ll be going now, G-Guild Leader..."

"...Bye, oppa."

Sim Ah-ryeon, who used to mock Oh Dok-seo at every opportunity a few years prior, now couldn’t even meet Dok-seo’s eyes. Her survival instincts kicked in, warning her that one wrong move might get her killed. Lee Ha-yul was no different. Both trembled like small, frightened creatures.

In contrast, Oh Dok-seo glanced at the two retreating figures and smirked with a disparaging hmph. Despite the blatant mockery, Sim Ah-ryeon and Lee Ha-yul were sent fleeing in an even more pathetic display, unable to even attempt resistance.

I looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "How did things end up like this?"

It wasn’t always this way.

“Mister, I’m going to the Void.”

“The Void? All of a sudden?”

“Yeah. I think what I lack as a writer right now is a wealth of experience.”

Oh Dok-seo had said it solemnly seven years ago.

“Life and death. Reason and anomaly. Only by entering a battlefield where sunlight and darkness clash violently will I, Literary Girl, finally be able to strike the typewriter…”

Like many writers, she was under the delusion that high-density experiences would proportionally result in an epic output.

She roamed the Voids like a madwoman. While a normal person wouldn’t enter a Great Void even for a billion dollars, Dok-seo wanted to go in herself.

“If only I could escape this shitty slump! I’d even sell my soul!”

It was an act of reckless abandon that would normally require ten lives to survive, but Dok-seo had me by her side. From the start, Dok-seo had heard my "tales" more frequently and earlier than anyone else. The only person who could be called my direct disciple, especially as a specialist in anomalies, was Oh Dok-seo.

Whenever she was in real danger, I’d come to the rescue upon hearing from the Saintess.

Thus it was.

“Mister”

“Hm?”

“I’m no longer afraid of anomalies.”

For some reason, unlike in other rounds, Oh Dok-seo’s real-life combat muscles became more defined, and the hue of her aura grew more terrifying.

She declared this expressionlessly:

“Nowadays, when I see those damn anomalies, all I can think is, who the fuck do these assholes think they are, daring to challenge humans?”

“......”

Dok-seo's Paradox.

When "Author Oh Dok-seo" focused on writing my tales into a novel, it meant she had less time to train herself, weakening "Awakener Oh Dok-seo." When "Author Oh Dok-seo" fell into a slump and couldn’t continue the novel and instead went wandering, it meant "Awakener Oh Dok-seo" became stronger.

And as we’ve seen, Oh Dok-seo in the 888th round had fallen into an epic, prolonged slump.

In other words?

“Argh. Sitting at home is making me restless. I’m itching for some action. I can’t take it anymore, Mister! I’m going to find a nearby anomaly, beat it up, and be right back!”

“......”

“I took down an alien anomaly one-on-one last time, so this time I should try handling two at once!”

The longer the hiatus dragged on.

As the years stretched from four to five, then six to seven.

Oh Dok-seo’s aura began to burn like wildfire.

Even Seo Gyu, who had anger management issues and lashed out at anyone and everyone, started avoiding her.

Hah...

Then, at some point, the overwhelming aura that overflowed from Oh Dok-seo’s entire body completely vanished.

The aura wasn’t gone. It had simply been perfectly "contained."

She opened her eyes quietly.

“Mister. No, Master.”

“......”

“I think I finally understand what aura is. The realm that you’ve been looking at... this must be it.”

Yes.

In the 888th round, Oh Dok-seo had fallen from grace, becoming an FFF-class writer—

But at the same time, by sacrificing the resentment, grievances, and curses of her readers, she had evolved into an SSS-class Awakener...!

One day, a notice was posted on the peaceful Novel Serialization Board of SG Net.

[Literary Girl] It's me. (5 minutes ago)

[Literary Girl] Author Literary Girl Oh Dok-seo... is taking a break for some time to recharge... (7 years ago)

The readers were shocked.

The writer—or rather, that bastard of a writer who had been shamelessly inactive for seven years—had suddenly posted a new notice, writing a load of crap on the freeboard.

‘Could it be a re-serialization?’

‘Is it a rule of the universe that a writer must return after seven years?’

Thump.

The readers eagerly clicked on the notice. Although they had cursed the writer to death until now, they still couldn’t forget the unique taste of this series, and they had read it three, even four times over.

They didn’t think too much about why the writer, who had always started with "This is Oh Dok-seo..." suddenly changed the tone to "It's me." It wasn’t the time to ponder such details.

Soon, the readers who carefully read the notice began to doubt their eyesight.

――――――――――

[Literary Girl] It's me.

I apologize for going silent and suspending the serialization for 7 years.

I’m a lousy writer.

But I want to rest more.

――――――――――

?

Question marks popped up in the readers’ minds.

Regardless, the notice continued.

――――――――――

I don’t want to drag this out with a long-winded excuse.

I want to rest, and some of you probably want to beat me up and make me continue the serialization.

What do you need to get what you want?

Fancy words? Glorious connections? Elaborate schemes?

All of that is wrong.

The answer is "fists."

――――――――――

??

――――――――――

Starting next Monday, for 4 weeks, 28 days, I’ll be at Busan Babel Tower Plaza from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m.

Let’s fight one-on-one.

For 28 days, I’ll accept only one challenger per day, on a first-come, first-served basis.

If even one reader manages to defeat me, I’ll start serializing the of The Regressor’s Epilogue the very next day without any excuses.

This isn’t about posting one chapter and then stopping. I don’t play games like that. I’ll come back and serialize on a consistent schedule.

If no one defeats me, I’ll officially declare The Regressor’s Epilogue permanently "dropped" after this long hiatus.

It’s a life-or-death match.

Your desire for the serialization to continue. My desire for it to stop.

Let’s see whose will is stronger, using only our fists.

――――――――――

???

Even after reading the entire notice, the question marks in the readers’ minds didn’t disappear.

But, a lot of text started to appear in front of those question marks.

‘What the hell is this crazy bitch talking about?’

The readers were bewildered by the notice, which carried the unmistakable scent of iron, of barbells and dumbbells. Literary Girl’s name, composed of "Literature" and "Girl," had nothing to do with steel, after all. It’s a name favored by those with slender frames, isn’t it?

SG Net quickly erupted into chaos.

-Anonymous: Was the account hacked?

The first theory that emerged was the "hacked account theory." However, unlike the weak and fragile pre-apocalypse internet environment, hacking and other petty tricks didn’t work in this post-apocalyptic world. SG Net accounts were tightly linked to the user’s soul.

The theory was quickly dismissed.

-Anonymous: This bitch is smart lol. Feels guilty for ghosting for 7 years, so they’re setting up an excuse to return lolol

└[Baekhwa] TwelfthGrader: Ah, I get it! Totally understandable >_<)!!

-Anonymous: Yeah, our author feels guilty for making us wait for 7 years, so they’re planning to get punched a few times before coming back hahaha

└Anonymous: Yeah, if we waited 7 years, they should at least get punched hahaha

└Anonymous: A head-broken reader vs. a head-breaking author... This is epic...

-Anonymous: Literary Girl is kinda smart.

Next, the "excuse theory" gained traction. The notice was seen as a publicity stunt, an event designed to reignite interest in The Regressor’s Epilogue after it had waned over the seven-year break.

The explanation was so reasonable that the excuse theory quickly became the mainstream interpretation. Existing readers treated it as a "fan meeting," while new readers saw it as "a fun promotional event by an intriguing author."

-Anonymous: Anyone going to Busan from Incheon? Let’s carpool??

-Anonymous: The chance to see the author in person has me excited.

-Anonymous: Attention, TRE fans! Recommended budget accommodations in Busan! ☆Includes a list of great eateries☆

For the first time in a while, Literary Girl’s readers stopped firing off curses like machine guns and started chatting cheerfully. These were the pitiful citizens who still believed that human affairs somehow followed sound logic, even after they’d had their own taste of anomalies.

Of course, there were a few dissenting voices.

-[National Road] Officer: Everyone, a public gathering is all well and good, but the author has stated that they’ll only accept one challenger per day. That means the reader side can only send up to 28 champions. Shouldn’t we discuss how to select these 28 champions and their methods?

└Anonymous Lol, what is this?

└Anonymous Why are you being so serious, lol?

But when had rational minority opinions ever been adopted on this land?

Even though the mood had finally lifted into one of celebration, the dissenting voices were only met with scorn and ignorance.

The fans of The Regressor’s Epilogue gathered with high hopes at Busan Babel Tower Plaza.

Monday. 6 a.m.

Oh Dok-seo showed up at the plaza as promised.

"Author!"

Fans who had been camping out in the plaza since last night rushed over to Oh Dok-seo.

It might seem ridiculous to be so rowdy at 6 a.m., but in the post-apocalypse era where modern civilization had been erased, the concept of time was quite different.

The faces of the people, forced into following a healthy lifestyle, were bright and fresh.

"Wow, you’re really Literary Girl!"

"I’m a fan! Author!"

"Please shake my hand!"

Oh Dok-seo looked around silently with a tilted head. Standing with her weight perfectly balanced on two feet, her arms crossed, and wearing a cap that had long since grown old and worn out, she scanned the twenty or so fans.

"Who’s the representative?"

"Huh?"

"The reader representative who’ll be facing me,” she clarified. “As promised, I’ll fight to the death with one of you today."

"Ah..."

"Me! Me, me, me! Author! Me!"

A fan, who prided themselves on being quick-witted, eagerly raised their hand.

The others sighed. I could’ve raised my hand first! they thought with genuine regret. But why is our author speaking like this? Isn’t it a bit... stupid? No, our author’s foolish charm was always part of her appeal.

"Hmm." Regardless of what others thought, Dok-seo scanned her opponent up and down.

And then she started chewing gum.

"I’ll give you nine seconds."

"Huh? What?"

"I’m giving you nine seconds. I’ll let you attack me nine times first."

"Oh. Ohhh, you mean... that’s from martial arts, right? Haha! Okay, got it!"

The naive fan laughed, thinking, Our author is so generous to give me nine free punches! I better hit lightly. If I go too hard on her, she might get upset!

"Attack with the intent to kill," came the command.

"Haha! Sure! Yeaaah!"

The fan roared, but his hand lightly slapped Oh Dok-seo’s cheek as if swatting a mosquito. It was a tame slap, not nearly deserving of the term "punch," but both the fan and the surrounding spectators reacted as if it were a big deal.

"Ahhhh! I really hit her!"

"That’s too much!"

"I’m sorry, author! Here come the other eight punches!"

Click. Click.

Everyone laughed. Some even took photos and videos to upload to SG Net, eagerly anticipating the return of their favorite series after seven years of hiatus.

"Hm."

Only Oh Dok-seo remained stoic.

"Done hitting me?"

"Yes!"

"Then it’s my turn. Here I come."

"Ahaha, n—"

BOOOOM!

There was a loud explosion.

The fan probably tried to say "no," but the fan couldn’t finish the one-syllable word—the most commonly spoken word by Koreans—simply because he was too far away from the plaza.

Everyone blinked.

"Huh?"

"What?"

The fan was embedded in the building wall on the other side of the plaza. All that was left was a cartoonish outline of the figure in the wall, like something out of an American cartoon.

Silence fell over the area.

"I didn’t kill him."

Smack, smack—Oh Dok-seo chewed her gum.

"I wrapped his entire body in aura before hitting him, so nothing should be broken. He’s probably just knocked out from the speed."

"......"

"This is the last time I’ll hold back. Come back tomorrow."

Pop—the gum bubble burst.

No one in the plaza realized that Dok-seo had meticulously controlled her aura to inflate the bubble and then burst it in the most beautiful shape possible. Nor did they want to know.

They had just learned too many facts, ones too shocking for the human brain to process.

‘The author—’

‘—beat up a reader?’

‘And not just any reader—’

‘—a loyal fan who not only waited for years for the author to return but also camped out overnight just to see her?’

‘What’s more—’

‘—an awakener beat up a regular person?’

‘And all this—’

‘—just because she didn’t want to continue a series she put on hiatus seven years ago, just because she didn’t want to write anymore?’

The readers’ minds were conflicted.

‘Is that—’

‘—really a human being?’

Oh Dok-seo walked away, her back to the morning sun. The radiant dawn light poured down from the horizon.

Her name was Oh Dok-seo.

The world’s greatest master of martial arts.

And the most wicked author of all time.

Footnotes:

[1] In One Piece, Haki is the power to harness one’s spiritual power to perform various superhuman feats, such as producing a protective coating over one’s body or, in the case of Conqueror’s Haki, overwhelming the willpower of others.