Memoirs of the Returnee
chapter-121

Mental strength (1)

Thud. Thud.

I’m climbing the stairs of the apartment.

One step at a time, rhythmically. Maintaining speed, breath, and distance.

As the floors increase, my body subtly becomes heavier.

It’s probably the ‘weight of the clothes’.

I’ve already thrown off my backpack and shoes, and stored the food in my inventory, but as a Homosapiens striving in social life, I’ve kept at least a T-shirt and pants.

[40th Floor]

The 40th floor, which I’ve climbed diligently. The number of dropouts I’ve counted so far is precisely 50.

Still, more than 50 remain.

It’s hard.

The gravity magic that pulls space is considerably attenuated for me, and there’s no damage to joints or muscles, but stamina is the problem.

Life is a battle of stamina.

[50th Floor]

The stairs of the 50th floor. I found a person slumped against the wall.

“Ah… It’s Shion…”

It was Layla.

With tired eyes, she looks at me and giggles weakly.

“…Shion is still energetic. Heh, hehe.”

I passed her and climbed the stairs.

My score is already satisfactory.

Top 1%.

Before regression, I couldn’t even imagine or dare to aim for such a rank, always stuck at the bottom.

So, I’m more greedy.

“Huff…”

My breath is hot, and my throat feels like it’s burning, but it’s not enough to give up.

Rather, it’s too simple.

Just lifting my leg and stepping on the stairs.

Just climbing the stairs.

It’s not like the nightly battle with death, nor the surgery I desperately prayed for tomorrow to come.

It’s doable.

I can climb higher.

──Remaining time, 2 hours.

Current floor, 95th floor.

To the 100th floor, just -5 floors.

“Haa…”

However, Soliette Arkne feels like she’s being bounced off reality.

Whether I’m climbing the stairs or the stairs are climbing me. It feels like my consciousness is spinning around, heavily distorted.

There’s no stamina left, but what moves her is an unconscious ‘routine’.

Left foot.

Breath.

Right foot.

Breath.

Her reason does not participate in all these physical operations.

Ignoring all the signals of pain that her joints creaking, muscles screaming, and her entire body is shouting, she climbs the stairs…

─Thud.

There was a presence behind her.

Soliette didn’t even have the energy to turn around, but she passed by her as if brushing against her.

Soliette saw her back.

Elise.

She’s climbing with her eyes closed.

With a steady pace, a correct posture, and even assisting the movement of her joints with ‘telekinesis’.

Elegant steps.

Watching her unshaken movements, Soliette suddenly realized how foolish she had been.

Mental strength is, after all, the ability to compose oneself.

Yet, she was swept away by Akane’s words from the beginning and couldn’t maintain her composure. She didn’t take proper rest, and she ran too excitedly.

The result is…

It’s harsh.

It’s clear.

Elise had disappeared before she knew it, and she found herself halted here.

The 100th floor was already impossible.

She knew it, but she just didn’t want to admit it.

No, she couldn’t admit it──

Soliette gripped the railing again and climbed the stairs.

Just one step.

At that moment, her heart stopped. Strength drained from her body. Her balance was lost, and her lower body muscles twisted. Her breath trembled so much that she couldn’t even express her agony.

It was a seizure.

She collapsed on the stairs, gasping for breath.

“——.”

…In her consciousness that felt like it could break at any moment, a scene spread before her darkened eyes.

Like a burnt photo slowly being restored.

The cold air, the aura of the dead clinging to her skin, it was a morgue. Like these stairs, a place filled with meaningless cold.

-Please confirm the identity.

A routine phrase.

The door of the refrigerator opening with a creak.

A person being pulled out like a piece of meat.

A person who was already dead.

The sorrow and trembling as she stood there, blankly staring at him.

More than that, the powerlessness and despair that tormented her greatly.

She couldn’t move a single finger.

It felt like her heart was melting, like her bones were shattering.

That day.

She swore she would take revenge, she vowed never to experience such emotions again, yet here she was, falling in the same way, so powerless……

──Thud.

The sound of footsteps climbing the stairs echoed in her distant ears.

A familiar voice pulling her from her delirium that could be mistaken for death.

“What are you doing here.”

Shion Ascal.

It’s not for nothing that it’s a test of mental strength.

She felt it to her bones.

The hardest torture among all tortures is probably the one where you torture yourself. Like these damn stairs, the higher you climb, the more painful it gets, and even though you know it’s painful, you have to climb in the end.

“……I’m going to die.”

I’m still climbing the stairs.

The only thing I could be proud of, my recovery speed, has long since dulled, and more than that, I’m sleepy. Every cell in my body is screaming for sleep.

Thanks to that, I realized.

I recover my body by exhausting fatigue.

[97th floor]

Despite all the physical difficulties, I finally reached the 97th floor by moving my distant body.

97th floor.

A number that means 9,700 steps, and at the same time, a number that makes you think – maybe I can give up here.

A number that you can be satisfied with and quit.

As I blankly stared at the 97th floor, contemplating giving up.

“……?”

I spotted a woman. She seemed to have collapsed against the railing.

For a moment, my brows furrowed.

It was strange.

She was obviously a failure at the 97th floor, but she was someone who shouldn’t fail at just the 97th floor.

“You.”

I managed to utter a word. I moved my lips as I approached her.

“What are you doing here.”

Soon, she opened her eyes. Her eyelids trembled as if they were heavy.

“……”

She was completely exhausted, unable to even make a sound.

A few strands of hair flowed pitifully over her face, and the eyes looking at me were already dead, devoid of focus.

“Why……”

I couldn’t understand it.

Right now, this test should be a development akin to fate.

You should be the first to reach the 100th floor, receive Akane’s business card, and become her colleague.

Why on earth?

──Suddenly.

A bell ringing chillingly in my head.

In Soliette’s life before regression, I wasn’t there.

Because I wasn’t there, she did everything alone.

She stood alone, incomplete, but in return, she gained strength.

The current Soliette had a physical and mental strength that she couldn’t have before, enough to overcome something like the 100th floor.

“We have to go up.”

“……”

Soliette just nodded her head. Fortunately, she was still conscious.

“Akane, that guy. She definitely knows. About Knightmare. You heard it too.”

“……Yes……”

She propped herself up on the ground. She tried to get up, but her palm slipped. She fell again like a doll with its strings cut, hitting her head on the edge of the stairs.

Even seemingly unable to feel that pain, she gasped with a complexion like she was already dead.

I just stared at her.

“……Let’s go.”

She is not the Soliette before regression.

She doesn’t have the same venom. She doesn’t have the same grit. And before that, she lacks much more stamina.

Probably, because of me.

“Let’s go. You have to go.”

I forcibly lifted Soliette up. She couldn’t even support herself, swaying on her feet, so I carried her on my back.

“!”

Only then did I feel the upgraded gravity. She was heavier than any piece of steel.

Three times, no, four times the usual.

I gritted my teeth and climbed the stairs.

One step. One step.

Every time I took a step, it felt like my back was twisting.

One step. One step.

The future has changed, and Soliette has changed.

Looking back, it was something I had already prepared for.

One step. One step.

Holding Soliette’s hand, meaning to chase Knightmare together.

Sharing the pain she would have had to bear all by herself.

One step. One step.

Even if Soliette doesn’t become as strong as she was in the past.

Even if she can’t receive the title of The Greatest Sword, the best in all history and across the continent.

One step. One step.

Because your happiness is not that.

To repay the ‘you’ before regression, I decided to share your burden.

One step. One step.

Because without you, I would have died helplessly in a sickbed.

Because every time I fell apart, you always helped me up.

Just climbing the stairs… willingly.

One step. One step.

Those steps added up to 100, one floor.

99th floor.

“You……”

Suddenly, a faint voice came from behind me.

“Shh.”

“If you’re going to say something cliché like ‘leave me behind,’ then be quiet.”

I couldn’t see Soliette’s expression. Instead, her arm moved. Cautiously, she held onto my body.

I smiled.

A certain day came to mind.

Back then, our positions were probably reversed.

I was carried by you, and you were the one who smiled.

One step.

I set my foot on the stairs again. Blood flowed from the sole of my foot, crushed against the edge.

One step.

Only looking at the stairs, holding onto my body and mind that felt like they were about to shatter.

One step.

Focusing my eyes, which felt like they were about to blur from the sweat.

One step.

Maintaining my consciousness, which was on the verge of collapse, with the abstract power of willpower.

One step.

Finally, a dead-end, a threshold that can’t be crossed any further.

I absentmindedly raised my head.

There was a metal door. The last obstacle leading to the 100th floor.

I gripped the door handle.

“Ugh……”

I pushed with all my might, but it didn’t open.

Thud-!

I bumped into it with my shoulder. It was useless. It didn’t even budge. Instead, my body slid and fell on the stairs.

“Ah… Fuck.”

At that moment, when I unknowingly cursed.

Thud-.

I heard the sound of a foot stepping on the ground. My body instantly became lighter.

I looked back.

Soliette, who had been carried by me until now, had gotten up on her own.

“……Thanks to you.”

She staggered but slowly walked to the door and gripped the handle.

“I’ve recharged.”

Huff—!

With one shout, she almost smashed the metal door open. A cold and heavy wind blew in.

It was the rooftop.

After climbing up, she retched, then looked back at me.

“Shion.”

She reached out her hand to me. I just stared blankly.

She waved her fingers. It meant to hurry up and grab it.

I grabbed her hand. She pulled me up.

Like that, we both climbed up to the rooftop.

“……Shion.”

Soliette, looking at me with trembling eyes, called my name again.

“I’m sorry.”

An apology spoken with a voice soaked in moisture, with a face too tired.

I gave a hollow laugh.

“Aren’t you supposed to say ‘thank you’ at times like this?”

She swallowed. Then, with a pale smile, she nodded at me, and to me-

“That……”

She couldn’t finish her sentence and collapsed.

I caught her body with mine. She was still heavy, but I gently laid her down.

I also sat down on the ground.

I looked around the rooftop.

Soliette, Elise, Gerkhen Kal Doon, all collapsed like dominoes. Beyond them was Akane.

“Are we filming a movie?”

I shrugged my shoulders at Akane’s sarcastic remark.

“If you come this far, you’re in first place.”

She pointed at Gerkhen Kal Doon right in front of her.

To roughly express the positions.

Me │Soliette │ Elise │ Gerkhen Kal Doon │ Akane

It would be something like this.

I asked her.

“What do I get if I come in first?”

“Do you hope that you will get a better grade?”

“You said you’d give Soliette a business card. Do you have anything for me… like poison? A deadly one.”

If she had any, I intended to use it for you.

“Just try it.”

Akane said. I nonchalantly stood up and took a step forward.

Thud—!

For a moment, my whole body almost stuck to the ground. It was due to the gravity emanating from Akane.

I quickly stepped back.

“Pfft.”

Akane covered her mouth with her hand and laughed.

“You can’t even take a step, and you’re talking about coming in first? You’re thinking about dessert before even eating the soup.”

“……”

It must have been because of the clothes just now.

This Endex T-shirt is unnecessarily sturdy, so it doesn’t tear even when dozens of times the gravity pulls it.

I took off my top.

“?”

Akane made a surprised sound.

However, the T-shirt would probably be within her expectations. It’s common to take off the top.

I also took off my pants.

I even clenched my underwear. Akane took a step back in surprise.

“Ahem.”

I decided to keep the underwear on for now.

Due to the gravity spell, it might naturally flow or tear, but if that happens, it’s not my fault.

I stared at Akane and said,

“……I’m coming.”

Akane responded with a face as if she was looking at a madman.

“Where are you coming, you lunatic.”