I can only rub your shoulders in this life. Even if I miss you, I can only miss you. ——Qian Ye An
This is a letter that no one will ever see.
Qing Chen…..Have you been well?
I……
Am very good……Jin Yan and I had a good life after getting married, she gave birth to a son and daughter for me.
The boy was like me and the girl was like her.
She rarely went back after marrying into the Qian Family. Although her mother was sick, it was a good thing it didn’t get worse.
We went back last Harvest Festival and that aunt seemed to have caught a very infectious disease that couldn’t be cured.
Her daughter was also infected by her and she didn’t have much time.
I knew that your time in the palace had always been very good, he spoiled you very much and didn’t take a concubine.
I only knew this later and was shocked.It was said that since ancient times, emperors had many loves.
But he seemed to have broken this taboo.
I would see you in the palace and you always had a smile on your face, but I saw that your clear eyes were gradually filled with more and more responsibilities.
You…..are you not happy?
Perhaps I was worrying too much. He left the harem alone just for you and only pampered you.
So how could you not be happy?
And me…..I’m doing well. But I feel that my heart is very empty, like I’m missing something.
I drank when my children were past their first month when I suddenly thought of something.
I haven’t drank with you in a long time……
I vaguely remember that we used to drink and sing poetry back then, we were so happy.
Actually there was something that I never told you, I always knew that you were a girl.
I could even tell there was a different kind of feeling in your eyes, I thought that you also…..
Care about me……
But I didn’t know that when I came to ask for marriage, she said to me: You didn’t like me.
Actually……I didn’t believe.
But facts were like this, you didn’t choose me. You even decisively married the crown prince and became the crown princess, so you didn’t give me a chance at all.
I was very confused at that time…..
If you liked me, we could run away, I can even go through life and death together.
But if you didn’t like, everything I said would be in vain.
I drowned myself in wine because it was the day of your death.
I never thought that you would leave me…..us like that, I thought you weren’t willing.
Even if you didn’t care about me, you wouldn’t be willing to leave him or your big sister.。
But you left and I didn’t even get to see you one last time.
When the news came from the palace, your big sister fainted on the spot.
And me……I wildly ran out of the Qian Manor and flew through the streets of the capital, running to the Drunken Moon House.
I ran very quickly, hoping that I could run through time and return to the year we met.
Until I couldn’t run anymore and fell to the ground. My hands kept slamming down in the snow until my red blood dripped down.
It smudged it layer by layer, as I cried while the sky was filled with snow.
That night, I had a dream. This dream had troubled me for a long time and since you left, I always had this dream.
In the dream, you went to the desert and had me guard your big sister, but I never thought that your big sister was killed by that person.
She suffered from a very terrifying poison and her skin kept festering, before turning into a pool of blood.
And I personally ended her life. I took the same poison as her and married the same person who caused her death.
Only acting as husband and wife could I poison her. I couldn’t protect your big sister, but I would let that person who killed her die in pain.
That is my promise to you……
But I never thought that when the image changed, you would have burned down the entire Luo Family.
