Supreme Magus (Web Novel)
chapter-2639-1

A mind link would have transmitted the images and the feelings that Solus had experienced inside the Mindscape while the fusion allowed her also to share her current inner turmoil and the feelings that reliving the experience aroused.

"I'm glad to have met my parents one last time even though they were just recordings stored in Mogar's consciousness. I was really happy to hear them say to me how they never resented me, yet I still can't forgive myself.

"I don't blame myself for what happened to Threin, I mean my father. But that only because as he told me, I was just a child who didn't know better. What happened to Mom, instead, was entirely my fault.

"Awakened or not, past 20 years of age I would have been considered an adult even on Earth yet I kept acting like a spoiled child. I was so full of myself that no matter how many times Aunt Loka and Malyshka tried to open my eyes, I never listened to them.

"I never sought advice, only validation. Even if Mom didn't resent me, I do. I wasted what time we had left together and, even after recognizing my faults, I never had the guts to make the first steps and apologize.

"The great Elphyn Menadion who rivalled with the Fourth Ruler of the Flames on a daily basis wasn't capable of opening her mouth except that for bragging and bitching.

"If only I told Mom to stay with me after she saved my life instead of making it all about myself as always, she would still be alive!"

Solus slammed her fist on the table, sobbing a little. The hardwood would have split and the plates shattered if not for them being part of the tower itself.

"I'm far from being a forgiving and compassionate guy, but when you woke up after being fused with the tower, you were just back from the dead. Don't you think that maybe the shock, grief, and confusion played a role outside of your control?" Lith asked.

"I don't know." Solus lowered her gaze in sadness. "I don't remember that part. What I know, however, is that Mom wouldn't have never left my side before making sure that I was alright.

"I bet my life on her waiting until I regained consciousness to explain to me what had happened and teach me how to operate the tower in case she didn't return. I bet that I stood there like a moron, crying for myself and my fellow apprentices instead of worrying about my mother's health after undertaking such a crazy feat.

"I should have checked up on her. I should have begged her to stay until she recovered completely!"

"You can't blame yourself for something you may or may not have done-"

"Yes, I can!" Solus yelled at the top of her lungs, cutting him short. "Because whatever I did, I sent my mother to die! You are right, I don't know for sure what I did but whatever it was, my mother ended up dead.

"And you know what really hurts? It's knowing that after everything I did, after all the cruel things I said to my mother, she died feeling guilty. Even when I cared only about myself, she only cared about me.

"I was her final thought while she passed away from her wounds, but what was mine? What the heck was I thinking when Bytra stabbed me? Not knowing is killing me because I can't help but fill in the blanks with the most obvious answer.

"Something stupid, childish, and probably egotistical. Like that the blood was ruining my dress or some shit like that!" Solus started to tear apart her clothes, hating them for what they represented for her old self and how as Elphyn she carried more memories of her wardrobe than of Menadion.

Lith moved behind her, grabbing her wrists and locking her in an embrace while the Voidwalker armor repaired itself. Solus struggled for a while, screaming and sobbing while the pleas of Menadion's echo for forgiveness hurt her more than any mean word or reproach could.

After a while, the weight of the meeting with her parents finally hit her in full.

The love she felt for them, the grief for their loss, and the guilt for what she considered her role in Menadion's downfall drowned Solus in despair and self-pity.

She fought to get free from Lith's embrace with renewed vigor but not because she wanted to be left alone. She felt undeserving of that affection and wanted to punish herself in a way that she believed fit the wrongs she had committed.

Solus found herself unworthy of the happiness she had found in her second life.

After seeing the pitiful state her parents were in at the moment of their death, she found it unacceptable that someone as petty as Elphyn Menadion had been granted a second chance at life.

'Someone like me should pay for all the mistakes I made and the lives I ruined, my own included. I don't deserve a new family, my mother's inheritance, or the luck to have a partner who always treated me like a person.

'The hunger and madness I endured were no coincidence but some sort of cosmic justice. Losing my memories was another selfish act, absolving myself from my wrongdoings through amnesia.

'I should have never forgotten the pain I caused and lived my life in penance instead of worrying about regaining a body I don't deserve and seeking a love that I'm bound to poison like I did everything else in my life.' These were her private thoughts, her mind incapable of articulating anything but wails.

Yet from so up close, there was no need for a mind link and Lith could hear everything unless she put some effort to keep him out. Solus lacked such focus, allowing him to share her inner turmoil and answer it.

'What a load of bullshit!' The coldness of his reply cut like steel, making her freeze in place. 'Sure, Elphyn Menadion was an asshole. So what? If all assholes had to die, Mogar's population would be reduced to less than one-tenth and I for sure wouldn't be among the survivors.

'She was cruel and unfair to her mother, but it's also true that life was cruel and unfair to Elphyn. Losing her father like that and her mother's inability to help a little girl to overcome her grief wasn't Elphyn's fault.

'She grew up broken, but so did I. I wish I had her luck, because Elphyn received the support she needed to not let her pain turn her into a cold-hearted monster like me. Working on her issues took time, sure, but as you have shown me, she had come to admit she had a problem.

'She had stopped pointing fingers and blaming others. She was ready to make amends with Menadion but Bytra took that opportunity away from Elphyn. Had she been killed just a few months later, things might have been entirely different.

'Also, stop painting your old self so black. Elphyn was prideful, but she had the talent to back it. She didn't bully people nor did she ever abuse her authority as Menadion's heir.'