Sword God in a World of Magic
chapter-369

At this moment, Shang was sitting near the wall with his left to the bright outside of the Ancestral Mountain and with his right to the darkness-filled depths of the Ancestral Mountain.

'Was it the right choice?' he asked himself in his mind.

Right now, Shang was feeling deep regret and guilt.

Lash had been with him for months, and he had been Shang's second in command.

Lash had done whatever Shang had wanted, and he had supported Shang every time.

'I had to protect my identity!' Shang thought.

'But...'

'But what were the chances of the Grandmountain Kingdom connecting me to the Abominations?'

'I'm already planning on being very careful with the Abominations. What are actually the chances that someone would even think about a warrior being connected to the appearance of Abominations?'

'And even if they connected it, would Lash have even told them?'

'I told Lash a lot about how the actual world works, and he knows that the Mages are essentially only enslaving the barbarians. He definitely wasn't happy with the Mages.'

'The Mages probably wouldn't even have looked at him or asked him. After all, why would some random barbarian have information on a masked warrior that suddenly appeared in their Kingdom?'

'Lash would have needed to proactively go to the Mages and tell them of my identity, and even if they knew my identity, they probably wouldn't connect me to the Abominations.'

'Lastly, even if everything came to pass, maybe they wouldn't actually contact the Skythunder Kingdom. After all, they apparently have a Law that forbids it from negotiating with the enemy.'

'Was it the right choice?'

'Couldn't I have just let him live?'

'He was about to reach the Champion Stage soon. After that, the Mages would have treated him very differently. The Ascension to the Champion Stage is obviously insanely expensive, and they wouldn't want to just throw such a barbarian away.'

'They would have probably offered him to live in peace and father plenty of children so that they would get more powerful barbarians. Additionally, he would have probably gotten access to plenty of beasts until he reached the Peak Champion Stage. At that point, they might try to find a way to get him to the True Path Stage.'

'Sure, he would have maybe died during that Ascension, but that would have been decades from now, and he would have lived a happy life until then.'

'He had been under the Mages for so long, and he was so close to actually living a decent life.'

Silence.

'But now, he's dead, and I killed him.'

'He didn't look at me with enmity, anger, betrayal, or similar emotions.'

Shang remembered the eyes with which Lash had looked at him.

They were shocked and surprised in a positive way.

In his mind, he was obviously happy that an old friend was still alive.

His thoughts were filled with Lash's shocked expression.

Shock and betrayal.

That was what Shang saw in these eyes.

Lash had never believed that Shang would kill him. After all, Shang was his old friend, right?

Shang had taught him everything about power.

Shang had trained him in many different fighting techniques.

Shang had even given him the complete version of the barbarian's body strengthening technique.

Lash had followed him!

Lash had always wished to be as powerful as Shang!

Shang had been Lash's idol!

Shang had been Lash's leader!

Lash would have followed Shang into death!

'Would he have actually told them?' Shang thought as his breathing quickened.

'Was it necessary?'

'Was it the right choice?!'

'It would have only been a small possibility that he would leak my secret!'

'Only a little bit!'

'Couldn't I have just let him live?'

'A happy and long life for one of my old friends in exchange for just the slightest bit of risk to myself.'

Shang heard his heart beating rapidly in his ears.

'I didn't want to kill him.'

'I never wanted to kill him!'

'I didn't want to do it!'

'But I had to!'

'It was to protect my identity!'

'I had to!'

Shang looked with a widely-opened eye at the ground.

'Did I?'

'Was it really necessary?'

'Or did I simply think it was necessary?'

'I mean, Lash was part of a Kingdom that waged war with the Skythunder Kingdom, right?'

'Lash's existence would have endangered the people of the Skythunder Kingdom, right?'

'Shut up, Shang!' Shang thought as he gritted his teeth. 'You're trying to find excuses for your choice!'

'You don't fucking care about the war or the Skythunder Kingdom as a whole. Who the fuck cares if he was a danger to the Kingdom?! Even more, he was on the northern frontlines, not the southern ones! He's probably never even seen a warrior until today!'

'Stop finding excuses for your actions!'

'This was your choice!'

'This was what you have decided in a stressful situation!'

'This is all on you!'

'If you could travel through time and get the opportunity to choose differently, would you?'

Silence.

After that thought, Shang's coherent train of thought ended, replaced by confusing thoughts.

Shang knew that he was thinking about something, but he wasn't sure what he was thinking about.

He was just looking at the ground, uncertain what he was thinking about.

'Would I?' Shang thought after a while.

'Would I choose differently?'

'If I got another chance, would I choose differently?'

Shang didn't get an answer for a long time.

After several hours of just doing nothing, Shang's nervousness and guilt only began to increase.

He hadn't found his answer yet, but he knew what the answer would be.

Shang clenched his fists with all his power.

Rage, helplessness, and guilt overwhelmed him.

Then, Shang put his hands to his head.

'I would make the same choice.'

'My life and my goal are too important.'

'I can't risk them under any circumstance.'

After having that thought, Shang felt a deep hole open up inside his chest.

He didn't want to do it, but for his goal, he had to.

'My goal is more important!' Shang repeated in his mind.

'My goal is more important than anything else!'

'I want to become powerful, and I want to rule over my own life!'

'I want to get rid of this horrible God that only sees me and the entire world as a plaything!'

'I want to become so powerful that I never need to fear anything!'

'I want to become so powerful that I don't need to fear about anyone close to me!'

'All of my problems will be resolved when I am the most powerful!'

'And to achieve that goal, I have to make the cruelest and most optimal choices!'

'There are so many talented people in this world, but no one is the actual strongest.'

'Why? Is it because they are just not trying hard enough? Is it because they are not talented enough?'

'No, it's because they don't dare to sacrifice everything in their life to achieve true power!'

'Only by dedicating my entire existence to power will I ever have a shot at reaching it!'

'I can't risk my life!'

'Even if I have to sacrifice teacher, Duke Whirlwind, Mattheo, Astor, Lash, or whoever else, if they are a risk to my goal, I have to do it!'

'If I don't, all my previous sacrifices will be for nothing!'

'I have to continue sacrificing so that my previous sacrifices don't become meaningless!'

'It's all or nothing!'

'I have to do it!'

'Now, get over your pathetic crying, Shang! You made your choice! You decided on your Path!'

'Regret and guilt don't contribute anything to achieving your goal!'

'You've already sat here, doing nothing, for long enough!'

'Do what you came here to do and strengthen your body!'

Shang took a deep and aggressive breath.

His feelings were still screaming at him.

They were telling him that he was making a mistake.

They were telling him that what he was doing was wrong.

They were telling him that he didn't have to be that extreme to himself and the people around him to achieve his goal.

It was fine to feel for others.

However, Shang's logic and mind were fighting against these feelings.

This was the most logical decision!

He had to put his everything into his choice!

Shang quickly shot to his feet, his heart beating rapidly and his vision vibrating slightly at its edges.

'I have to strengthen my body,' he thought.

And then, he walked into the darkness-filled cave.