The Abandoned Empress
chapter-41

I also felt uncomfortable about meeting Allendis. If I went back to the capital, I would most likely bump into him. But I had no idea how to deal with him. I felt frustrated when I thought about him.

“…I want to be here a little longer, ” I said after hesitating for a while.

My conclusion was I decided to avoid them. I knew it wasn’t like me to avoid them, but I wanted to enjoy a little more peaceful time here.

“I see. I am sorry I can’t stay with you, but if you want it, let me respect your decision. You can stay here as long as you want. Let me come down here whenever I’m free.”

“Thank you, Daddy. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. I’m a bit bothered since the crown prince, not the emperor, has sent the royal guards here, so I don’t have to worry about your safety. Be careful, Tia. Contact me always if anything happens. Okay?”

“Yes, Dad.”

Obviously, my father was worried, but quietly agreed with my decision. I was so grateful that he still didn’t ask me anything, but I felt so sorry that I left the reception room, with my head down.

On the third day after my father left for the capital, the butler handed me a letter when I came back after practicing in the morning.

‘Who sent it?’

Tilting my head, I took the envelope and looked at the crest on the envelope. As soon as I saw it, I stiffened at the crest showing two crossed keys and a round laurel leaf surrounding them.

‘Crest of the Duke Verita family.’

It was the first letter from Allendis after I broke contact with him. What did he write in this letter?

Was he angry at me for shunning him? Or was he announcing he would never see me again?

I hesitated for a long time before opening it. I opened the finely folded yellow-green paper and began to read.

He started with the routine greetings in the beginning.

< I heard that you left for your father's estate, but only now I'm writing you a letter. I wanted to ask for your forgiveness early on, but I thought we both needed some time. You were right. I didn't trust you and doubted what you said. Even though I knew better than anyone else that you would say nothing rather than beating around the bush. But I was foolish enough to think that you were beating around the bush because you didn't want to open your heart to me. Come to think of it carefully, how stupid I was! I first asked you to trust me, but I didn't trust you, which pained me. No matter how angry you are, I have nothing to say. I'm so sorry, Tia.>

I couldn’t read that last part because of my blurry vision. Tears came down my cheeks. I wiped the tears quietly. I looked down at the letter with complicated feelings and slowly put it in the drawer.

On the day I received his second letter, I repeated holding and putting down a pen several times. When I received the third letter, I only tapped the letter paper with a pen, but couldn’t write a single letter. It was the same for his next letter. I just kept sighing, looking down at a blank page. I couldn’t reply to him in the end.

Then one day, an unexpected visitor came to see me.

“Hey, long time, no see!”

“… Carsein Lars? ”

The boy who jumped off the horse greeted me with a cheerful voice. I tilted my head, watching his red hair blowing in the wind. What the heck was he doing? I felt strange suddenly. But that’s not important right now. Why is he here?

“Hey, why are you looking at me like that? I’ve come a long way to see you.”

“Oh, sorry. But why did you come here? ”

“Well, I want to stay here for a few months. Hey, don’t look like that. I got permission from your father. ”

“My father?”

“Yes. That’s all because of the deal between my family and yours.”

“A deal?”

“Yes, didn’t you know that?”

What the heck is he talking about? When I asked curiously, Carsein asked back, as if he couldn’t understand. Was there ever a deal between his and our family? What the heck was the deal that made him come all the way down here?

“Remember what I told you last time? I told you that the kind of fencing you were practicing didn’t suit you.”

“Yes, I remember it.”

“Oh, that makes my job easy. The swordsmanship of your family is too tough for a woman to learn. But it’s not the case of my family. ”

“So what?”

“Your father has formally asked my family to teach you fencing suitable for you as a woman.

In exchange your father has promised to give my family something in return.”

What? To a family of martial arts, its original swordsmanship is the pride and symbol of the family. Nonetheless, has my father committed to pass it on to another family, even if it’s just one person? Because of me?

When I reacted in shock, he said with a smile, “Oh, don’t worry about that. The target of the deal is only you and me. Its transfer to another family is prohibited.”

“I see. That’s a relief! ”

“So, I decided to pass down one thing about fencing to you first. As for me, I can take it from your family later. Anyway, that’s why I came to teach you.”

“Got it.”

“Now, call me Master,” he said playfully.

“…I don’t like it.” ”

“Why? I’m your master, and I’m here to teach you.”

“I still hate it.”

“Can’t you be generous to call me master?”

With an irritated look, he turned away. He stopped while trying to walk away, sweeping his dishevelled hair fluttering in the wind. Then, I took out something from his pocket and gave it to me.

“What is this?”

“How long are you going to use honorific language to me?”

“Well, I don’t know.”

“Oh, dang it! You always say ‘ I don’t know’ when I ask that. By the way, I clearly gave it to you. That stupid guy asked me to deliver it to you.”

‘Oh, Allendis? ‘

I glanced at the light green envelope smelling of a fresh scent.

While looking at me hesitating to open it for a moment, Carsein said as if he was annoyed, “Oh, dang it! Did you quarrel with that stupid guy?”

Quarrell? Can I define it like that? He was now asking to reconcile with me when I consistently refused it. How would I define this kind of relationship?

“You guys are really funny? You were like a couple in the past. And now you are separated like this? What the heck is going on here?”

Only

“… ”

“Well, I thought of tearing it on my way here, but I didn’t because of his pathetic expression.

Anyway, this time I gave it a pass. I never knew he could make such a pathetic expression.”

He then turned away as if he was displeased with our relationship. A serene silence surrounded me. I looked at the light green envelope in my hand and slowly opened the seal.

I went back to my room with a sigh. Determined to reply this time, I opened the stationery, but when I picked up the pen, I couldn’t figure out how to. However, I was bothered by what Lars said. He said he saw Allendis’s pathetic expression on his face. I guessed that Allendis was greatly hurt, but when I heard from Carsein that he looked so pitiable, I felt something stuck in my throat.

‘Let me write anyway.’

I tried to encourage myself to write a reply several times, but I still couldn’t write a single letter. I stared at the paper for a while and put the pen down with a sigh. I folded the blank stationery into the envelope and sealed it. For now, it was the best I could do.