Turning
chapter-291

With a resounding click, Yuder's foggy mind suddenly awakened.

"Falling asleep while playing a game, it must have been incredibly boring."

Yuder stared blankly at Kishiar, who was watching him through narrowed eyes. The sound that had just echoed in his ears was the noise of the man in front of him placing a game piece on the board. He frowned, his gaze scanning the scattered pieces on the black board. At a glance, it was clear his position was hopelessly cornered. The thought of simply surrendering the game and going to sleep was becoming increasingly attractive.

"Is it not natural for me to lose focus? Wasn't it the Commander who suddenly appeared through my bedroom window at dawn and pulled out a game board?"

"The Commander, you say."

"Ah, yes. You're the Duke now, aren't you?"

Kishiar chuckled softly at Yuder's retort, laced subtly with annoyance.

"It seems the title doesn't stick no matter how many times I say it."

"Well, I can't help it. I'm a commoner with no need for formal titles."

Despite Yuder's cold sarcasm, Kishiar did not show anger. In that regard, he was a remarkably generous man.

"Are you tired?"

"Is that even a question?"

Yuder had just returned to the Commander's quarters in the Cavalry after spending a few days at the imperial palace, summoned by Emperor Katchian. He was hardly pleased to encounter an uninvited guest at a time when he had just managed to relax after constant tension.

"I see... you must have had a tough day."

"It's not just today, it's always difficult. If you're going to visit the Cavalry, can't you give some notice instead of constantly sneaking in?"

"You know better than anyone that I can't do that, Yuder."

Kishiar had never set foot in the capital since he left his position as the Commander of the Cavalry and returned to Peletta. Of course, that was only official. Despite the eyes and ears the Katchian Emperor had placed around the Peletta region, Kishiar managed to evade them and intrude into Yuder's bedroom at will. It was a shocking fact that those who reported on the Duke of Peletta as if the world would end even when he simply went to the restroom would drop dead if they knew.

If the people found out that Kishiar La Orr was here alone, the whole capital would be turned upside down. Especially if they knew he was calmly playing a strategy game within the Cavalry.

Since Kishiar only played games, muttered nonsense, and then slept before leaving, Yuder had not reported his unusual behavior until now. But ever since he heard the recent news, he had started to question whether he could continue to tolerate this situation.

The Duke of Peletta was gathering personal Knights and soldiers in Peletta to prepare for a rebellion.

He didn't know whether it was true or not, but the fact that such rumors were circulating was already a dangerous matter. The young emperor, who was receiving praise for his unprecedented attention to his people, showed no mercy when it came to acts of betrayal. The reason why the Cavalry established by Kishiar La Orr, whom he had been cautious of, had been able to hold on until now was because the Katchian Emperor had considered them, and Yuder, useful pawns. But if the Katchian Emperor heard this news…

Yuder observed Kishiar, who was engrossed in thought, gazing at the tactical game board without uttering a word. He wondered if the rumors about Kishiar were true, and even if he inquired, would Kishiar even deign to respond? Kishiar was someone who hadn't shared his plans with Yuder, not even when he was about to relinquish his position as Commander. Yuder wasn't sure whether Kishiar saw any more value in the Cavalry than a discarded childhood toy. With a heavy heart, Yuder sighed deeply. Whether Kishiar knew what was happening around him or not, he remained his usual inscrutable self.

Yuder found himself yearning for the days when he only had to train and follow orders. Assuming the Commander's role had brought more hassle than satisfaction. The burden he was forced to bear, thanks to the man right in front of him, made his situation even more uncomfortable.

"I thought you were finally awake, but now it seems you're just lost in pointless thoughts."

As if reading Yuder's thoughts, Kishiar murmured. His face, illuminated by the glow of the magic stone stove - the only light in the darkness, flickered in a variety of colors. His sharp jawline, more defined due to weight loss, and the shadows beneath his lifeless eyes might have seemed unattractive, but the man still managed to draw inattention, leaving one breathless.

"I suppose it's not the right atmosphere to continue the game."

Kishiar put down the last game piece he held in his hand.

"But next time, I hope you'll make the game more entertaining."

"I'm busy. There must be plenty of game partners in Peletta."

"None."

None? What did he mean by none? Yuder couldn't counter his dismissive claim without any evidence.

"I can't understand why you insist on this game, knowing I'm not particularly good at it."

"What can I do if I find it amusing to see your gaming habits remain the same, no matter how many times we play?"

Yuder scrunched his nose and stood up from his seat.

"So, you're now indirectly telling me to change my habit of pushing a single piece forward first. Excuse made. So when will you be leaving today?"

Kishiar briefly squinted, before quickly reverting back to his usual expression. That was the only change Yuder could spot, but he felt a strange stirring in his chest, pressing down on it lightly with his hand. Here it went again. Whenever he was with Kishiar, he felt like this. His heart would suddenly ache for no reason, or it would pound painfully fast.

Evading Kishiar's gaze that caused him such distress, Yuder moved toward the magic stone stove. He reached into the container next to it to add more stones, but a firm hand reached out from behind and pulled him back.

A magic stone slipped from his grasp and rolled across the floor, coming to rest in a corner. However, Yuder wasn't given the chance to retrieve it.

"Well… when will I be leaving?"

One thing's certain, it won't be anytime soon.

Golden strands of hair cascading near his ear tickled his cheek. A low, husky voice resonated deep within his waist. Yuder shivered as he felt the cold touch penetrating through his clothes. The sensation of leather gloves tracing his bare skin never became familiar, no matter how many times he experienced it.

However, despite his denial, his body reacted instinctively to the intoxicating body scent that wafted from the figure pressed against his back. Sweat began to pool on his body, as if it had been waiting for this moment, and heat started to rise. With the sensation of his mouth becoming dry as though he had placed food before it, and a fiery sensation growing in his lower abdomen, Yuder bit his lip and cast his eyes downward. The man who gently pulled his weakening waist into his embrace, and who caressed the inside of his wrist that he held with his lips, led him towards the bed.

"Yes… maybe the game was just an excuse."

The man who held his collapsing body on the white sheets, so closely that there was not the slightest gap, and buried his nose in his neck, had breaths so ragged they felt painful.

"I feel like I can live now."

—---

Even after awakening from the dream, Yuder lay still for a long while. It was due to the bandages wrapped around his eyes, making it hard to distinguish between reality and dreams.

'Why did I have to dream about that time?'

In his dream, he saw a time not long after he had become the Commander of the Cavalry. It was a time when Kishiar, despite his retirement, would frequently pop into the Commander's office, startling him. He had thought that their physical relationship would not continue once Kishiar returned to Peletta, a realization that was foolish to have believed, taking less than ten days to recognize. Looking back, it was an utterly ridiculous event, one of the few in his life.

Recalling the chest pain he had felt while conversing with Kishiar in his dream, Yuder let out a deep breath.

'I'm sure my memory only carried irritation...was I really so familiar with such pain?'

A very foreign sensation, yet at the same time, oddly familiar. It felt as if a piece of a puzzle that had been missing had just fallen into place.

And Yuder had experienced that sensation before. It was after he had defeated Pethuamet, when all his energy was drained, and his sense of his entire body was briefly disconnected. The confusion and questioning he felt when an emotion he had no memory of suddenly inserted itself naturally to fill a void had returned in exactly the same way.

What exactly was that sensation, that emotion?

A poignant pain that felt like it belonged to him, yet didn't.

As he touched his chest in a daze, as if tracing that pain, a soft voice came from beside him.

"Are you awake?"

Yuder stopped moving. He slowly turned his head toward the direction of the sound, but all he could see was darkness.

"...Commander."

"You seemed to be having a nightmare. Your breathing changed several times."

Kishiar's voice was as calm as that of a person who was not angry. Yet, that peculiar calmness had a power to it that made it chilling for the listener.

"What did you dream of?"

"...I don’t know."

Honestly speaking, it was closer to a lustful dream than a nightmare, so Yuder lied. Kishiar did not ask any further.

The surroundings were very quiet. Even when he strained his ears, he couldn’t sense anything. The presence of Kanna and Lusan, who were next to him before he fell asleep, and the noisy sounds from outside seemed as if they had never been there, it was just so silent.

Was it because of the silence, or was it because he dreamt of the past?

Yuder became acutely aware of his hypersensitivity to the man's presence beside him. It was different from when others were around. Even in the darkness, he could feel his presence as sharply as if it were piercing his skin. In order to escape from this unfamiliar sensation, he forced himself to speak.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"About a day."

Kishiar responded curtly.

"It seems like it's night, Commander. Aren’t you going to sleep?"

"…Are you worrying about me now?"

A dry counter-question came back. His voice carried no trace of amusement.

"I apologize."

Yuder promptly apologized.