Turning
chapter-339

Kishiar, who'd casually mentioned having other business on his side, suddenly tilted his head upon catching sight of Yuder's face.

"Why do you look so pale?"

The moment Kishiar reached out, Yuder felt a shiver run down his spine reflexively. Without even realizing, Yuder retreated, avoiding the outstretched hand. Even though he knew that the hand in front of him wasn't clad in the cold glove from his dream, the memories from that dream resonated from beyond his conscious mind, ringing in his head. All his efforts to calm his mind seemed fruitless. Yuder avoided Kishiar’s gaze and mumbled while staring at the floor.

"I'm sorry. It's nothing."

"It doesn't seem like nothing."

Kishiar, always quick to catch on, clearly wasn't buying the excuse.

"Did you have a bad dream?"

For a moment, Yuder clenched his fist, then slowly released it. Red pupils, which he couldn’t see in the dark depths of his dream, were now looking at him, full of concern or perhaps scrutinizing him. His mouth felt dry, and his palms sweaty.

"Yes."

"It happens. A change of environment can sometimes bring about nightmares."

Kishiar responded gently, as if it were truly no big deal.

"Do you also have nightmares, Commander?"

"I'm human, of course I do."

Even though it was an obvious statement, given the circumstances, it somehow felt very strange. Kishiar, seeing Yuder remain silent, didn't reach out anymore and instead crossed his arms.

"I plan to attend the salon of the western nobles I was invited to today. But if you're feeling unwell or have a headache, you don’t need to join me. You can stay here."

"It's not that bad."

"It's alright. It might actually be easier for everyone to misunderstand that it's better for you to stay here for a day."

Kishiar suggested that if needed, he could call Lusan and Enon over for a check-up. The tender reassurance, something Yuder thought he would never receive from this man, left him at a loss for words. Trying to appear as composed as possible, Yuder spoke.

"I don't even remember what I dreamt about now. I don't think I need to be examined just for that. I’m truly fine."

"Just because something isn't visible doesn’t mean it doesn't exist. My assistant seems to still need to learn more about self-care. So, rest today, as I suggested."

"Is that an order?"

"It's a request."

"..."

"I brought you here so you could rest in a comfortable place. Have you forgotten?"

In the end, Yuder couldn't out-argue Kishiar. He stood by a window that overlooked the outside, watching Kishiar's carriage leave. Thanks to Kishiar’s orders to the servants before his departure, a generous amount of food sufficient for at least three people filled the table. The curious glances of the servants, wondering why Yuder remained alone, felt prickly on his back, but he pretended not to notice and lost himself in thought.

'Was that dream truly my memory?'

The sensations from the dream began to fade swiftly after he woke up and were now quite vague. However, the shock of seeing himself, like a beast overpowered by instinct, growling, biting, scratching, repelling, and then being drawn back, was still vivid.

Did he really behave like that? Was that really him? It wasn’t just the other side that acted like a beast blinded by desire.

In his previous life, Kishiar had been so tenacious that once he started a relationship, he hardly let go. No matter how hard he tried, he would often find himself on the brink of losing consciousness before the night ended. Still, since the accident during the manifestation of his second gender when he clung for days as if in a delirious state, he felt he had never lost control of his consciousness so severely. Had that too been a misconception?

'Anyway, whether that dream was a memory of my previous life or not... One thing is certain.'

Yuder stood up, reflecting on the dream. It meant that the scene in the dream had stirred him deeply.

How could he have felt that way during such a dream?

"..."

A throbbing pain resided behind his eyes. Yuder touched his throat gently, exhaling deeply.

'Perhaps... having newly recognized my desire for Kishiar is what led me to this dream.'

Once begun, there's no turning back. Yuder Aile's feelings for Kishiar La Orr had advanced to a point where it was challenging to contain.

Perhaps the dream served as a warning, urging him to reflect and realize the reality once again. If the desire he thought was new wasn't new at all, then what awaited at the end? Perhaps everything he believed was changing was not, and he was merely repeating the same descent into ruin.

With that thought...

Yuder looked down at his sweaty palms. While no qualification was needed to desire and yearn for someone, he felt he was the least suited for such intense passion.

'I'm overthinking because of a dream. Enough of this.'

The coldness that had enveloped him seemed to have cooled most of the lingering heat inside, but a trace of it remained, discomforting him. Yuder gazed long in the direction Kishiar's carriage had disappeared before turning away.

"Yuder. Are you planning to stay in bed all day because you spent an intense night with the Commander?"

"Who said that?"

"Who else? The servants who've been glaring at this room all day, their eyes almost popping out."

Not long after finishing his meal, Ever visited. Offering Yuder a small green apple she'd brought, she marveled at the luxury of the room.

"Wow. I thought our room was great, but given that this is the Commander's quarters, it's incredible. How many rooms are interconnected?"

"Six in total, including the bathroom."

"How's the bathroom?"

"See for yourself."

Only after inspecting even the bathroom facilities did Ever return satisfied.

"It's incredible. You could swim in the tub. Have you tried?"

"No."

Thanks to Ever's cheerful voice, Yuder's headache began to subside. Biting into the apple Ever had given him, he inquired about her visit.

"Why did you come all the way here? I thought you went to investigate the rumors."

"I intended to, but we received letters from the people left in Great Sarain Forest. I came to deliver it before going out. And to check if you're genuinely unwell."

"I'm perfectly fine, so you don't have to worry about that."

“I mean, people are truly strange. Once they hold a prejudice, whether Commander and Yuder are together or apart, they must seem odd. I appreciate their easy acceptance, but the fuss they make over it...”

Yuder accepted a few letters she handed to him. Three in total: one each from Gakane, Kanna, and Jimmy. Although they were all delivered by express courier and thus quite small, the letters inside were densely written.

Gakane wrote that he had encountered several monsters in the Great Sarain Forest, but had quickly dispatched them. By the time Yuder read the letter, Gakane mentioned plans to expand his range and hunt monsters in other areas. Yuder had thought that it would be easier for Gakane to lead the members than deal with the Western Mage Union, but Gakane seemed to find the latter easier than expected.

“The mages say that the current monster activity is at the level that was typical in previous years. It seems the news of the decreased monster disturbances has spread. Now, we're seeing more high-ranking individuals and mercenaries, and the mages say that more of them will come from other regions. But what's surprising is the number of people who approach us directly to express their gratitude. The small trade hubs reportedly established by the Tain family remain quiet, but we must continue to monitor them.”

After updating the situation, Gakane concluded his letter by inquiring about Yuder's health. He showed no signs of curiosity about Tainu's condition or about the circumstances of Baron Willhem.

Next was Kanna's letter. The content was similar, but it included details only she would mention.

“Yuder, having read more detailed reports here, it seems certain that the Tain family was involved in illegal trades, including human trafficking. I’ve reported the specifics to Commander, so you'll hear it from him, but the details are truly horrifying. I also gleaned a small hint on where the Star of Nagran might be, and it might not be far from where you are.”

Kanna's handwriting was a bit clumsier than Gakane’s. She had only properly learned to write after joining the Cavalry. But Yuder felt a warmth in her awkward script. He could almost hear her voice, filled with deeper concern than Gakane's, and it made him smile faintly.

“I assume by now you should have sight in both eyes. I really worry that you’ll just work and not rest properly. I've asked Sister Ever to watch over you, but I won’t be at ease.”

Kanna planned to depart for Tainu after finishing her task of reading the information there. She emphasized that he should be even healthier by the time they met again, and warned him against lying in his reply, or she’d see right through it.

Lastly, the letter from Jimmy, although filled with clumsy grammar and misspellings, brimmed with passion. He recounted several times, with evident excitement, the story of a monster he faced in the Great Sarain Forest and asked to spar with Yuder when they next met. The letter also contained a few words from other comrades, as relayed by Jimmy.

“What does it say?”

Waiting for Yuder to finish reading, Ever's expression was soft, as if she already knew the answer.

“I've learned that you're going to watch over me, at Kanna's request.”

“She promised me a dress she made herself as payment. So, I’m going to take this task very seriously.”

Ever playfully waved her own letter in front of him.