Damn Reincarnation
chapter-344

“Even so, wasn't that going too far?” Dezra asked, exasperated.

From dawn, her day had been bustling. Though she rarely participated in combat and held a low rank, Dezra was also a gladiator registered with Shimuin. In four days, a battle that seemed an assured victory awaited her. She typically would have attended it, but having agreed to join the Pirate Empress’ subjugation, she had to rearrange her match schedule.

That was why she and Carmen visited the Mador Coliseum’s owner at the crack of dawn to cancel the scheduled duel.

However, by afternoon, when she returned to her mansion, she wasn’t sure what had transpired in her absence? Dezra glared at Eugene, genuinely flabbergasted and angry.

“You know of Lady Ciel's nickname, right? It’s the White Rose. The White Rose! Even after more than thirty battles, not a scratch nor even a speck of dust tarnished the immaculate White Rose!” Dezra shouted.

“Uh... well….”

“Umm, what? What’s with the hesitation? Speak, Eugene Lionheart! Even if you and Lady Ciel are siblings, even if it was a mere spar, how could you hurl the White Rose to the ground? And on her back, no less!”

“Um….”

“An ordinary person would have died from such a fall. If not death, their spine would have shattered, leaving them confined to the bed for life—”

“Hold on,” Eugene interrupted Dezra with a grave expression. While he acknowledged the bulk of her claims, something simply didn't sit right with him.

“Why do you address Ciel with honorifics yet speak informally to me?” he asked.

He wasn’t trying to change the topic but instead was genuinely curious.

Dezra paused momentarily in her fervent attempt to make her point. In that brief instant, her thoughts raced back to nearly a decade ago, back to the Bloodline Continuation Ceremony, where she first met Eugene Lionheart. She remembered speaking informally back then as well.…

Dezra cleared her throat awkwardly while averting Eugene’s gaze. “I apologize... sir.”

“Very well,” Eugene accepted her form of address.

“But this is a completely different topic. You still did wrong, didn't you, Sir… Eugene? Why did you throw Lady Ciel to the ground?” Dezra asked.

“Ciel wanted it,” answered Eugene.

“Talk some sense! Who in their right mind would wish to be thrown to the ground...?”

Before Dezra could finish, she was interrupted by a stifled chuckle from Sienna, who had been quietly listening to their conversation from the sofa. Caught in the act, she hurriedly covered her mouth with both hands.

Utterly baffled, Dezra stared at Sienna. Though she wished to ask why Sienna laughed, considering her reputation as the Wise Sienna, she couldn't easily bring herself to inquire. She merely assumed there must be a reasonable explanation.

—What’s with calling her Rai? Is it the ‘Rai’ in ‘rai-tarded.’[1]

Meanwhile Sienna was immersed in something else entirely and was desperately trying to ignore Eugene’s comment about the play on the words from replaying in her head.

Coming to Sienna’s rescue, Carmen began to address Dezra’s unfinished question from across the settee, "She was simply averse to pitiful sympathy.” Next to her lay Ciel, now cleaned of the dust from her fall. Carmen gazed momentarily at the face of her disciple before asking, "How long do you plan to stay lying down?"

Ciel had come to her senses a while ago. Of everyone in the room, only Dezra had failed to notice this. The scrapes from her impact on the ground had been tended to by Kristina, so she had no physical injuries remaining. However, Ciel felt a gnawing pain deep within.

It was especially prominent in the depth of her chest. Ciel discreetly bit the inside of her lip in response to the unmistakable pain.

"I was reflecting on it.” Saying so, Ciel opened her eyes and sat up. "Although it seemed pointless. After being routed like that, there was little to glean from reflection."

"I don’t like the phrase 'it was pointless,'" Carmen said with a slight bow of her head. "Every defeat carries meaning. Even if one is utterly bested, they must find meaning in that defeat."

"Hmm, hearing you say that... I guess it wasn't entirely meaningless,” admitted Ciel.

"Did you learn something?" asked Carmen.

“Yes. I learned that even if it’s just bare ground, landing on one's back can be excruciatingly painful, enough to die." Ciel shrugged with a playful smirk and continued, "But now, I feel no pain at all. Is it thanks to the Saint?"

Ciel's eyes met Kristina's, her face impassive. Ciel wore the same playful grin she frequently displayed. But both Kristina and Anise quickly saw through the facade. Expressions were no different from masks, and the Saint of Yuras had always been adept at changing theirs.

"It wasn't a grave injury to begin with," Kristina said while donning a mask of her own. She thought it necessary. If she revealed her true feelings and looked upon Ciel with evident “sympathy,” it was possible that something might shatter in the prideful young noblewoman.

[Even thinking that is sympathy,] Anise pointed out with a bitter tone, yet Kristina did not change her chosen facade.

"I’ve treated you, but does it hurt anywhere, or do you feel uncomfortable at all?" asked Kristina.

"There are a few things, but I don’t think it’s something treatable, even for you, Saint Rogeris,” Ciel answered before averting her gaze and sweeping it across the room.

First, she looked at Sienna across the room. Then, Ciel shifted her gaze away from the couch towards Dezra near the window. The naive and good-hearted Dezra looked as if she were about to cry, even without knowing the reason why.

"I have a request." Finally, Ciel’s gaze settled on Eugene. Staring intently at him, she continued, "Lady Carmen, I apologize, but could you leave the room? Dezra, you as well."

Carmen cherished Ciel as a pupil. Though Ciel was her great-niece by lineage, her feelings for her disciple were much deeper than those of a distant relative. Carmen silently rose from her seat without questioning her.

“Ah…. Yes.” Dezra obeyed as well. Although she wasn’t the wittiest girl, she could feel that this wasn’t the moment to question Ciel.

“Then we will also….” Kristina retreated while glancing at Sienna, who rose from the couch, realizing the seriousness of the situation.

“No.” However, Ciel grabbed onto Kristina’s wrist. Her golden eyes were fixated on Sienna as she said, “The two of you must stay here.”

“What?”

“Uh… why?”

“Because you have to,” said Ciel firmly. Her heart was aching, and her emotions were shaky. However, Ciel’s voice did not betray her true state. Ciel was pushing herself to the extreme because she felt it was necessary.

Eugene allowed the situation to play out just as Ciel was directing it. After all, he was responsible for the current state of things, and he wasn’t a coward who would turn his back and run due to the results of his actions.

After Carmen and Dezra left the room, Eugene stared at Ciel before speaking, “Ciel—”

“I’m going to talk.” Ciel interrupted him the moment he spoke her name. “I, I have many things I want to ask you. Eugene… Eugene Lionheart. However, what I’m going to say now is, well, I’m going to say it many times…. Well, here’s the first.”

She couldn’t articulate her words as she wished. She didn’t want to act like this, but it wasn’t going as planned. Ciel pressed on her aching heart and took a deep breath.

“When was it?” That was her first question. “When did you come to know my feelings?” she asked.

There was no way to beat around the bush. Ciel stared straight at Eugene, who was standing by the window.

“Since a long time ago,” said Eugene, looking her straight in the eyes.

“Long time ago? When? When exactly?” Ciel asked.

“After I was adopted into the main family,” answered Eugene.

Ciel had been thirteen, and how well could a 13-year-old girl hide her feelings? Perhaps Ciel had assumed she had hidden her feelings well, masking them behind her jokes.

But it had not reflected on Eugene as such. Although he had also been thirteen at the time, he had experiences and memories from his past life.

“Is that so?” Ciel nodded with a hollow laugh.

It had been eight years. When Cyan, Ciel, and Eugene were thirteen, they had gone through the Bloodline Continuation Ceremony, and Eugene had been adopted into the main family after being recognized for his skills.

Her mother, Ancilla, was wise and calculating. Instead of making an enemy out of the 13-year-old genius, she hoped her children could truly become Eugene’s siblings. Eugene could not become the family head as someone from the collateral line. However, she had never been able to rest easily. The thirteen-year-old boy had shown too much talent. So, although she could have tried to keep Eugene in check, she chose to connect Eugene with the twins through bonds of affection.

—Don’t make an enemy out of Eugene. Build a bond of brotherhood. Shape him so he might become your strength. Don’t look down on him for being adopted. Treat him as an equal. Play together, train together, and create memories. Make sure he doesn’t harbor any ill will towards you. Make it so that one day… he might stand by your side and help you.

The words had been meant for Cyan, but Ciel had also grasped their essence. Even before hearing her mother’s words, Ciel was keenly interested in Eugene.

He had been a distant relative from a remote village she'd never heard of. Upon his arrival, he had bested her brother on the first day and emerged triumphant in the Blood Continuation Ceremony. To the ever-curious Ciel, Eugene was simply too fascinating to ignore.

She yearned to grow closer, to become siblings in truth. There were plenty of reasons to do so. From Ciel's perspective, the choice had been simple. She'd casually approach, strike up a conversation, and if she sensed any reluctance, she'd press even harder. Raised unrestrained within the clan, the sudden appearance of a new sibling was a novel concept for her.

Siblings? At thirteen, that very word felt alien to her.

Yes, back then, it was merely a peculiar feeling. That unexplainable sensation, which she couldn't quite articulate at that young age, later morphed into a more negative sentiment as adolescence came.

Siblings? The notion was absurd. Cyan, her twin, shared both parents. Even Eward, her half-brother, shared half her blood.

But what about Eugene Lionheart? He was an outsider — that's how she wanted to perceive him. That’s how she had to perceive him. He wasn't a brother but a man. Just as she had regarded Eugene that way, Ciel Lionheart wished for him to see her the same way.

"You knew all along," Ciel maintained her mask, not ready to reveal the emotions stirring beneath. "Why did you…? No, that's too clichéd a question, isn't it? I know what you're going to say, Eugene. How could you not? You've always treated me the same whether it's now or eight years ago."

"Ciel," Eugene said quietly.

"I know. In your eyes, I'm forever the 13-year-old, the cheeky girl who thinks she's the cutest thing in the world."

‘Not yet,’ Ciel told herself. Trembling, she clenched the fists resting on her lap.

"I want to ask something… different. Not too different. The question is the same. Eugene, when?" Ciel continued, "When did you start dating the Saint, Kristina Rogeris?"

"Ciel," Eugene called out once again.

"Don't tell me you're going to deny it? You two…. No, haha, wait, you folks," spat Ciel.

The fiery churn within her chest refused to subside.

No, it no longer remained a mere pain but an intense heat. It felt as though flames roared inside her very being. Those flames scorched Ciel's heart with their searing embrace, tempting her to release their bitter, scathing smoke with her words.

"Since when?" she repeated.

"Lady Ciel." Kristina was lost, uncertain of the countenance she should bear.

Both Kristina and Anise knew that their relationship with Eugene only existed due to Sienna's mercy and understanding. They were painfully aware; hence, the two Saints constantly sought to win over Hamel — or rather Eugene's affections.

The mere thought of Sienna rejecting them in their face was horrifying. Though they frequently threw mischievous words and smirks at Sienna, it was their way of defending, of protecting themselves.

It was fine to do so since their counterpart was Sienna, as she would understand, given their bond from three centuries past. Without such an understanding, they'd be forever at Sienna's mercy.

However, their current opponent was not Sienna Merdein but the 21-year-old Ciel Lionheart. While Sienna might view the Saints as a two-headed serpent, Kristina and Anise were not literally so.

"It hasn't been long," Eugene intervened, not letting the Saints reply. He settled opposite Ciel and continued, "There were signs of the emotions before. I was just too blind to recognize them."

"Haha," Ciel let out a sarcastic laugh while dropping her gaze. After a slight pause, she said, "Yes, I knew. You... no, you all were quite obvious. Weren't you, Saint Rogeris? Ever since you came to the Lionheart Mansion as a guest, you've looked at Eugene with eyes dripping honey."

"Lady Ciel…," Kristina started.

But Ciel shot her down, "I can understand that. The Saint and the Hero, it isn't an unlikely pairing."

Who had started it?

Who fell in love first?

Who confessed first?

Who was the first to….

Ciel pressed her hand over her mouth, silencing further questions. She feared the answers that she might hear. She was sure the flames within her had burned everything, leaving only ashes behind….

"But this, I cannot fathom," she exclaimed, her hand still stifling her mouth. "Saint Kristina Rogeris. You, I can understand. But the Wise Sienna? Lady Sienna, what, what are you?"

She knew her question was extremely rude, almost insulting. However, she could not bear it any longer without seeking clarity.

"Lady Sienna... You can't. Right? You’re not from the same generation as us. You realize that too, don’t you, Lady Sienna? T-This is.… It's absurd."

"Uh... um…."

Sienna could not assume the same demeanor as Kristina or Anise. From the moment Ciel began her interrogation, everything felt as uncomfortable and torturous as if sitting on a bed of thorns. Sienna merely moved her lips without being able to form a reply.

"Of all people…. Why would you, Lady Sienna, do this of all people?" Ciel's voice wavered with confusion. "We are the descendants of the Great Vermouth. And Lady Sienna, didn’t you love the Stupid Hamel?”

"H-Hamel was the one who confessed…," Sienna murmured hesitantly.

"But you shared the same feelings, didn't you? Fairytales might differ from true history, but still... this... this shouldn't be. It cannot be, not ever," Ciel continued to voice her doubts.

"What shouldn't be?" Eugene intervened with a deep sigh once again. "Emotions don't adhere to absolutes, Ciel."

"You dare to tell me that?!" Ciel's voice cracked with anger. "Now you say emotions aren't absolute? You, who always treated me like a mere child, dare to say that!?"

Dizziness overwhelmed Ciel. Eugene attempted to speak, but Ciel swiftly cut him off with a gesture. She didn’t want to hear his response. She was afraid.

"When did it begin?" Ciel pressed, asking the same question. "With Lady Sienna? From your first trip to Samar?"

Eugene just looked at her silently.

"Why won't you answer? Fine, I won't push. Instead, I'll ask something else. Who was first?" Ciel questioned unrelentingly.

"What do you mean by that?" Eugene responded.

“Haha, hahaha!” Ciel unconsciously started laughing at this answer.

Who was it?

Who fell in love first?

Who confessed their feelings first?

Who was first?

“Between Lady Rogeris and Lady Sienna, who was it?"

The question seemed to baffle everyone present. A heavy silence enveloped the room, during which Ciel laughed bitterly. "Eugene, I don't blame you. Honestly, I might be the strange one. After all, we are… we are siblings, right? But think about it. When all this began, we were only thirteen. Do you understand what I'm getting at? We've spent more time as strangers than as siblings."

Ciel could no longer keep her composure. She could no longer keep her hand clamped over her mouth. "Who was it first?" she repeated, determined. There were no facades left for her to hide behind. She could not. Ciel wobbled to her feet, and though Kristina reached out to steady her, Ciel brushed her off fiercely.

"It was me," Ciel confessed, her vision blurring. "It wasn’t Lady Rogeris or Lady Sienna. It was me, Ciel. Eugene, Eugene Lionheart, I was the first to see you."

Tears ran hotly down her cheeks; the burning sensation felt as if flames blazed from her eyes. "I was the first, the very first to adore you. I, who you always saw as a mere brat! It was I who loved you before anyone else."

Everyone stayed quiet at Ciel’s distressing declaration.

"But why?" Ciel staggered forward to approach Eugene. "Why can't I? Why do you only see me as a child? Why can't I be a woman to you? What was I lacking?"

Unfiltered words spilled from her lips.

"Don't feed me the nonsense that there wasn’t enough time. I've known you since we were kids. Just as you've seen me grow, I've watched you, too. I no longer see you as a child, so why can't you see past my youth?"

She felt pitiful.

"I don't understand what I’m…. What I’m missing. Am I ugly? Lacking charm? Is it my temperament? Because my personality is crap? If it's any of that, I can change."

"It's not that,” Eugene said firmly.

"Then what is it? Why can't it be me?" Ciel cried out through her tears.

The gazes of those around her no longer mattered. She didn't think of how she’d face the world after this. She reached out and grasped Eugene's shoulders tightly.

"I-I… told you, I saw you before anyone else. Liked you and loved you before any other. It's still the same. I…. I…."

"That's not true,” said Eugene.

The tears that Ciel shed were painfully clear. Eugene could feel their heaviness as they trailed down her face and dropped from her chin. The way her hands trembled as she clutched him shook Eugene’s heart.

"It wasn't you who first saw and loved me,” he said.

"What are you saying…"

"I am not the Eugene Lionheart you know."

He didn’t wish to lie to Ciel as she sobbed.

"I am Hamel,” he admitted.

"…What?"

"Hamel, Hamel Dynas. I am the reincarnation of Hamel, who died three hundred years ago," Eugene sighed deeply as he confessed. Ciel's tear-filled eyes went blank.

She had to believe him. That's what Eugene hoped for. It pained his heart, left it raw and constricted, but he thought this revelation would make Ciel understand and retreat.

"What…?" Ciel's trembling lips parted. "So what about it?"

1. Rai came up in ch 338 and is a nickname given to Raimira ☜