Turning
chapter-445

"There have been a few times since then when I've woken up with a vague feeling of having had a rather unpleasant dream. No one else was beside me when I slept and woke up, so I can't say for sure if there's a connection."

"Do you have no recollection whatsoever of what you dreamt?"

"None at all."

Kishiar nodded with a mild expression. He said that when Nathan Zuckerman woke him up, he did not sleep talk like this time.

Since he couldn't remember, it was hard to say with certainty whether these events were related. But Yuder had a compelling reason to think otherwise.

“Yudrain.”

His train of thought abruptly halted at the voice that seemed to read his mind. His fingers twitched noticeably, but the shock wasn’t as intense as it was the night before.

"So, that's the cause of your concerns."

Kishiar's eyes narrowed as he studied Yuder's expression. Yuder thought he would naturally ask for an explanation, but Kishiar's question was about something entirely different.

"Do you know what was inside the box Nathan brought earlier?"

"Cookies, or so I heard."

Puzzled by the unexpected question, Yuder watched as Kishiar pulled a box wrapped in cloth from the corner of the table. Unfolding the cloth, he revealed what was inside.

"There are cookies, but... that's not all."

Kishiar opened the box, and along with the carefully wrapped cookies, an old book was revealed. It was the same book used for learning the Gore language.

"If it's not meaningless gibberish, I felt you should know its true meaning. It felt similar to Gore, so I reached out to Baron Koelt."

If it had been the capital, Kishiar could have used his own book, but they were in the west. Fortunately, Baron Koelt, who had recently established contact with them, was a scholar proficient in Gore and had the book Kishiar was looking for.

Yuder recalled that Nathan Zuckerman had reported that he brought ‘both things’ in that box to Kishiar. He had assumed it was merely different types of cookies, but he was wrong. The truth lay here.

Even without Yuder saying anything, Kishiar was already moving so swiftly ahead.

‘And if I had said nothing, he would have kept everything he discovered buried in silence.’

Kishiar began flipping through the book. He seemed to know exactly where to look, and Yuder did not stop him. Instead, he thought about the name that had once been his.

Yudrain. That name was a gift he had received before becoming the Commander of the Cavalry in his past life. To be honest, until recently, he had nearly forgotten all about it. Had he not heard Kishiar mention it in a dream, he might have continued to forget who had given him that name and how he had received it.

‘I heard in the dream that it was made in Gore.’

However, he had not heard its meaning. Even looking back on his past memories, he couldn’t distinctly recall what the name had meant. Not that he was particularly curious, given that it was a name he had abandoned and had no intention of reclaiming.

‘If I hadn’t heard it again last night, I could have buried it forever.’

He felt bitter. And then, the faces of those who had mockingly accused him of intentionally changing his name to noble-sounding to erase his past flooded his mind. Yuder ceased his reminiscence there.

Normally, receiving a name was considered an honorable gift and a source of pride. People assumed that Emperor Katchian had bestowed the name upon Yuder, and Yuder did nothing to correct that assumption.

However, the man who had given him that name was right in front of him, flipping through a book.

Could he, who had long carried the name without fully understanding its meaning, rediscover its essence now? Amidst a sensation as if someone were gently tickling his gut, Yuder silently waited for Kishiar to speak again.

"… There's really no word that fits exactly," Kishiar finally said.

"Is that so?"

"If you think of it as a single word, yes."

Setting the book down where Yuder could see, Kishiar pointed to a specific section with a peculiar smile.

"In the Gore language, 'ra' serves as a connector between words, much like the word 'and'. Assuming the 'ra' in Yudrain has that function, and we look at the original forms of the surrounding characters… do you see?"

Above Kishiar's fingertip, the word for 'beginning,' 'Yud,' was visible.

"Yud, which means 'beginning.' And on this side, 'In' means 'end.' When 'ra' connects them…"

"Beginning and end?"

Muttering these unfamiliar words, Kishiar chuckled softly.

"Literal translation would suggest so. However, considering the semantics of the two words and ancient grammar, it could translate differently. Do you understand what I'm getting at?"

"…"

"Eternity."

The beginning and the end, connected by the letter in between, could signify eternity. Even though Kishiar continued to speak more elaborately afterward, nothing more registered in Yuder's mind.

Hadn't he said to cherish the name, as it contained good meaning?

The memory of Kishiar's dry voice, almost like a joke from a dream, suddenly resurfaced. In front of the meaning of his name that he had come to understand after such a long time, Yuder kept silent for a moment before closing his eyes.

A warmth he had never felt before, not even when cauterized with hot iron, pulsed through his head in sync with his heartbeat. He couldn't suppress the sensation.

"Commander."

"Hm?"

Yuder interrupted Kishiar's words.

"Why such a grave face? Did my conjecture miss the mark again?"

"Do you remember, in the Great Sarain Forest, you mentioned you had seen something connected to me?"

Kishiar's expression, once tinged with levity, changed for a moment. Yuder looked into his eyes and whispered softly.

"I never mentioned it, but I also saw something similar recently."

When fighting against a southern merchant in the pitch-black darkness of a secret warehouse, a thread-like something appeared to guide him as he desperately searched for Kishiar, whose location was unknown. Without any explanation, he knew that Kishiar was at the other end of that thread, and indeed, he was.

"And I believe that mysterious connection between you and me…"

His dissipating voice even sounded distant to him. Yuder cleared his throat and finished what he was saying.

"…might be connected to that dream of yours. Otherwise, you couldn’t possibly speak of things only I know about, even while you were asleep."

"…"

He couldn't say everything, but this much would surely give Kishiar something to think about.

"I hesitated because I was afraid the truth would be confirmed."

Yuder gave a faint smile, his face reflected in his red eyes.

“Nothing else in the world scares me; only you, Commander, make me feel afraid."

Swallowing the deep-seated emotions and indescribable memories within him, Yuder laid bare his somber confession.

"Perhaps, you are the only one who could make me this way."

Before, and even now.

In the silence, a droplet of water trickled down the glass Kishiar had been drinking from. The droplet slid slowly then quickly down the cup filled with cold liquor, finally dropping from the handle onto the white lace tablecloth, leaving a small, dark stain.

Perhaps the fear Yuder Aile felt for Kishiar La Orr began in much the same way. What was thought to be a small stain grew larger, eventually altering the original color so profoundly that it became impossible to hide.

Yuder waited quietly for a response. After unburdening himself to some extent, he felt like a condemned man awaiting the executioner’s blade. Just as a new droplet began to form on the outside of the glass, a low voice broke the silence.

"May I come to you?"

Across a single table, their eyes met. The moment Yuder gave a slight nod, Kishiar rose from his seat. The chair toppled back and rolled on the floor, but no one paid it any mind.

Approaching, he pulled Yuder into an embrace without a word, a strong scent wafting through the air, heady enough to make one feel dizzy.

"Comm—"

Before the word could escape his lips, deeply overlapping mouths silenced him. After a long time, the man who had imprisoned Yuder between the chair and his embrace finally pulled back, whispering softly through their mingled breaths.

"There's only one person who could make me this way, too."

At the sound of his deep, husky voice, goosebumps rose on Yuder's skin.

"And that person is right here in front of me."

Strangely, it was then that he felt he truly understood Kanna's words.

The deeper fear dug its claws in, the more it blinded one from seeing the path ahead. He couldn't understand why he hadn’t noticed that, when you peeled back a layer, the other person was not so different from himself.

Every aspect of Kishiar La Orr had been directed toward him with such blind faith from the very beginning.

What he had hesitated to say, avoided so endlessly as if it were a lie, now surged up as emotions he had suppressed for so long erupted in a fiery whirlpool.