Turning
chapter-566

"...Yuder. Do you think I might have seen something about you that I absolutely shouldn't have? Is that what you're so worried about right now?"

The statement was both true and false. Kanna had not yet seen the 'something' that Yuder was hiding, the thing she was 'never supposed to know.' However, the possibility that she would discover it in the future was quite high.

But the reason Yuder seemed half-lost in thought right now was precisely because a man had seen that 'something.' So, in a broader sense, Kanna's guess was not entirely wrong.

Kanna's expression, which had succeeded in silencing Yuder more effectively than any torture or weapon, turned incredibly serious.

"Alright, if you're that concerned about it, I'll tell you. But understand this: I never intended to read that part of you."

She wiped the sweat from her forehead as she elaborated on her unexpected activation of her power, which had absolutely no intention behind it.

"So, don't avoid me or look at me differently after you hear this. I really didn't want to read into it... you have to believe me."

"I understand."

Kanna clenched her fists and took a deep breath. Her eyes tightly shut, she confessed in a whisper.

"...I saw...it."

"I didn't catch that, Kanna."

"I saw the Commander! He was using his mouth to take off your glove!"

Silence. Yuder's face went blank. Kanna blurted it out like a machine gun.

"And you were touching Commander's face while wearing that glove! That's all! When I brushed past you, I only read that part when my fingers touched your glove! Seriously, that's it!"

Immediately after she finished speaking, Kanna averted her eyes, hiding her face behind her hands. Yuder exhaled a short breath.

Indeed, just as he had suspected during their previous conversation, the information Kanna had read from him had nothing to do with his past life. It was, however, much more intimate and embarrassing than anything he had imagined, going beyond the realm of speculation.

It was a mixed feeling of disbelief and understanding, finally comprehending why Kanna was so reluctant to speak about it.

'Yes, I remember now. Back in the West, Kishiar did that...'

Back then, Yuder had been deeply distressed because Kishiar had uttered the name 'Yudrain' while dreaming.

Recalling that day, Yuder thought of the unshaken gaze of the man who admitted he too was afraid when Yuder said, "Only you make me fearful."

The passionate intensity he felt at that moment, when Kishiar tore off his glove like a beast and kissed his rough fingertips and scarred knuckles, flooded his thoughts. Those overwhelming emotions were almost unbearable to remember.

Yuder lowered his eyes to his gloved hand.

It felt absurdly real, that he was falling into the same fear he had felt back then.

'Perhaps... even deeper than before.'

Would Kishiar, who had silently retreated back then, also feel the same? Tormenting himself in familiar agony as he waited?

The moment that thought crossed his mind, his heart, which had felt as though it had frozen solid in the chill and darkness, suddenly stirred.

He knew that he had to face all these walls and pain, that it was his own burden to resolve. Yet, despite knowing that, he wished he could just run to Kishiar, pretending as if nothing ever happened.

If he could live like there were no secrets or barriers between them from the beginning, how wonderful that would be. To wrap himself in the warmth of the familiar scent, to close his eyes without hesitation and fall asleep.

If only he could...

"...Yuder?"

Kanna's cautious call snapped him out of his reverie.

'...I know. It's just a delusion. This isn't like me.'

Yuder shook off the fleeting fantasy that had filled his head and looked up.

"You're not... mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you? I said I wouldn't be, didn't I?"

"...Well, aren't you uncomfortable about what I read? Or did I misunderstand something? Maybe my ability malfunctioned and the situation wasn't actually like that...!"

A mix of anxiety, uncertainty, and a strange glimmer of hope were visible in Kanna's eyes.

It seemed like she would rather hear that there was nothing between Yuder and the Commander, that she had misread something. But that was not the truth.

Yuder thought of his comrades from his past life. By now, most of them would have known the rumors about his involvement with Kishiar. He had grown so accustomed to these stories trailing behind him that Kanna's cautious attitude toward mentioning his relationship with Kishiar seemed rather peculiar.

Especially since he knew she had kept the fact a secret for so long.

In the past, nobody had ever wanted to know why he was involved with the Commander, nor did anyone understand it was an accident. Yuder himself didn't want to talk about it, convinced that no one would listen or believe him anyway.

But now was different.

"If it's not a misunderstanding," Yuder spoke softly, looking at Kanna.

"Shouldn't you be the one feeling uncomfortable if everything you read was absolutely correct?"

"No, that's not it!"

Kanna immediately shook her head.

"I mean, I was shocked, yes. I don't know how many times I wished I had read it wrong. I even seriously suspected for a moment that you might just be the Commander's one-night plaything. Considering the rumors and the social status, I agonized over whether it's really an okay relationship, whether I should just pretend not to know... Oh, no! Anyway, that's not the point."

Spouting her unsettling thoughts, Kanna snapped back to her senses upon meeting Yuder's gaze.

"But when the Commander announced he would dance with you, I couldn't help but feel he was sincere. And from what I gleaned, your... aura, your emotions... Can I speak about it?"

"There's no point in keeping secrets anymore."

"True, but still..."

Her ears flushed, Kanna struggled to finish her sentence.

"It... seemed like... you were... deeply... infatuated with the Commander."

"...Me?"

"Yes, you! You, Yuder!"

Kanna covered her face again. "Ugh, aaah," she groaned in agony. She twisted her body, trying to somehow disperse the shock she had received from her own words. It was heartbreaking to see her like this.

The phrase "deeply infatuated" felt incredibly foreign, but upon reflection, it was true. He had already become aware on the day they kissed that he was so out of his mind he couldn't maintain any distance from Kishiar La Orr.

All the distance he had tried so hard to keep, all the secrets, were crumbling like sand dissolving in water. It would be more strange not to call this state "deeply infatuated."

"I know you wanted to keep this a secret," Kanna spoke up. "I really wish I could've remained ignorant too. But now that I know, how can I stop seeing it, thinking about it?"

"..."

"I'll still try to forget it. I won't ask any more questions than what I've seen. I haven't told anyone, and I swear on my faith, my mother, and my life that it will remain a secret forever. Trust me!"

It seemed unnecessary, but Kanna immediately raised her hand and recited a short vow. She seemed so decisive, as if she had imagined this scenario in her head hundreds of times.

"Ah, saying it out loud is really refreshing."

After her vow, Kanna seemed almost entirely back to her usual self. Although her ears were still red, she seemed genuinely relieved.

And oddly enough, through this conversation, he felt a little lighter, as if a weight had lifted from his chest. Even though he knew that none of his real concerns had been resolved.

So, after some hesitation, he spoke.

"Kanna."

"Hm?"

"I thought you might have read deeper into me."

"Is there something deeper than this?"

Kanna's eyes trembled without restraint.

"Yes, there is. A lot."

"Not even one?"

"Finding out someone else's secret isn't a good feeling. But even if that day comes, I want to..."

He hesitated for a moment.

"... continue to be with you just like now."

He was well aware that it was a selfish wish, much like it was with Kishiar.

"..."

"Thank you for agreeing to be on my side. My heart feels lighter because of it."

Kanna, who had been shaking her hand as if asking what could be deeper than this, suddenly froze. A sudden moisture appeared in her big eyes as she stared blankly at him.

He thought she was about to cry, but Kanna didn't shed a tear. She swiftly covered her eyes, and under her hand, her lips broke into a smile that was wider and brighter than ever before.

"Ah, what's this? You're not like yourself when you say things like that, Yuder. But, me too."

"..."

"I was really worried you'd distance yourself from me after experiencing my ability. Thank you for not doing that. Whatever you're hiding, whatever I end up reading, nothing will change. Because what you wish for is what I wish for too!"

With newfound confidence in her improved ability control, Kanna reached out and grasped his hand, shaking it vigorously. It felt like it had been an eternity since they had this sort of physical contact.

"Like you said earlier, finding out something you didn't want to know isn't always good. But isn't living in ignorance not entirely happy either? That's how I try to think about my ability."

Her final words left ripples in his heart.