Turning
chapter-567

"Like you said earlier, finding out something you didn't want to know isn't always good. But isn't living in ignorance not entirely happy either? That's how I try to think about my ability."

Her final words left ripples in Yuder's heart.

'Knowing everything isn't necessarily good, but living in ignorance isn't blissful either.'

If one didn't even realize their own ignorance, could they truly be free in their quest for truth? Yuder himself was consumed by the desire to know the truth about his past life.

And within that truth, there were things that Kishiar from his past life had not revealed to him.

'I remember feeling really frustrated back then when Kishiar wouldn't tell me anything.'

Where Kishiar went during late nights, why he handed over command to Yuder and left for Peletta but would secretly return when least expected, whether he had really been planning a rebellion... All the questions that a younger Yuder had once been curious about began to flood his mind.

Yuder had defied Emperor Katchian to give Kishiar a chance because he wanted to know. And he probably felt frustrated every time he saw Kishiar, precisely because he wasn't happy living in ignorance.

All of this was the result of the desire to know.

Even now, that feeling persisted, despite having forgotten much and trying to forget even more since his death. He wouldn't be like this if he didn't genuinely have regrets.

Yes, Kanna was absolutely right.

Living in ignorance isn't blissful.

'And Kishiar must feel the same way now.'

Just as Yuder began to undergo changes after learning fragments of the truth about his past life, Kishiar too would not be able to escape this fate, now that he knew some of Yuder's secrets.

The man who enjoyed intellectual games and the thrill of breaking down barriers, and who laughed joyfully while doing so, would act differently, especially around Yuder. And Yuder knew this better than anyone.

What he knew was not limited to emotions. The biggest difference between his previous and current life was that all lingering hesitations between them had vanished, and they knew each other even physically.

Yuder began to think back to the times when he'd passionately desired his counterpart, ignoring everything else in his current life. He recalled the moments when he'd discovered just how far he could go just because he wanted something and how much of the other person he could desire—these moments were filled with both ecstasy and tears.

It was far more than a mere physical encounter. He couldn't dismiss what he had felt—the oneness, the shared pain—while being continuously intertwined.

Yuder pondered for a long time.

'Alright... let's admit that waiting for the situation to turn completely in my favor is excessive greed.'

After all, the world had never been kind to Yuder. While Kishiar and the Emperor might have had their share of luck, Yuder himself was more familiar with misfortune than fortune.

And in the face of such unpredictable misfortunes, Yuder's response had always been the same—to simply maintain his usual self and to avoid unnecessary complications.

‘let's not overcomplicate things.’ Yuder decided to set aside his burgeoning fear and retreat, opting to assess the situation he found himself in with a cool head.

‘While this incident has been embarrassing, if I think about it, it's actually surprising that everything has gone more or less as expected up until now. No one knows what will happen tomorrow.’

Even if Yuder managed to discover everything right away, how Kishiar would react after learning the truth of his dream was unknown. There was no benefit in avoiding the uncertainties.

‘Kishiar saw not his own death but mine in his vision. Given that Kishiar himself still has many questions, it might be fortunate for me to bring up my side first.’

Certainly, Kishiar would ponder over various speculations he had made up till now. However, Yuder resolved not to become mired in questions without clear answers.

‘I initially wanted to understand everything from my end and have a frank discussion, but given how things have turned out, there's no helping it. Anyway, no matter what happens, it can't be worse than my past life.’

The thought that his situation couldn't get worse than before surprisingly lent him a measure of positivity.

‘The reason I can afford such idle concerns is because I've grown too accustomed to this excessive warmth. My present contentment has sprouted excessive desire.’

In his past life, there hadn't even been time for Yuder and Kishiar to step back and think things through. Everything had ended before he could truly understand who Kishiar was and what he thought of Yuder. But now, at least, there was no such worry. Hadn't he strived for this all along?

‘As Kishiar always says, one has to be alive to accomplish anything.’

Even if Kishiar chose differently after learning the truth, that fact remained unchangeable.

‘I'll do what I can do now. And trust Kishiar, whom I've observed thus far.’

Having concluded, Yuder stood up.

"Commander, it's Yuder Aile."

He knocked rhythmically on the Commander's door and opened it. Kishiar, who, according to Kanna, should have been there just a moment ago, was not in sight. The coat usually hanging on the coat rack, which Kishiar wore when he worked, was also missing—evidence that the Commander had been out for some time.

‘Where could he be?’

Yuder cautiously scanned the room and noticed something different. A transparent sword stand that usually held the divine sword was empty.

‘The divine sword is missing. Did he take it with him?’

To where? No place came to mind.

"...Sir Aile?"

At that moment, a familiar voice sounded from behind him. It was Nathan Zuckerman. Yuder wasted no time in asking.

"Where did the Commander go with the divine sword?"

"The Pope requested a discussion with him and the divine sword, so he's gone to the audience chamber."

"Did he go alone?"

"He went with some other members of the Cavalry."

As if saying, 'Didn't you know?' the southern knight looked at Yuder with a faint hint of puzzlement. Finally, Yuder breathed a sigh of relief.

‘...Alright, given the circumstances, it's only natural that he'd go with others, especially since I haven't returned to duty yet. I showed unnecessary concern.’

"Understood. Thank you for informing me."

"Please have a seat."

The person who stopped Yuder as he was about to leave was unexpectedly Nathan Zuckerman. The knight put down the papers he had been holding and gestured toward the sofa.

"Since he'll be back soon anyway, it would be better for you to wait while having some tea. I also have something to discuss with you, so let's talk briefly."

"…Understood."

Nathan Zuckerman had something to say to him? The possibilities were either too many or none at all—it was a conundrum. Yuder quietly sat down where Nathan had indicated.

A few moments later, a man adeptly brewed tea leaves and set down a teacup in front of Yuder, which looked somewhat small compared to the size of his hand. Some snacks were also brought in from somewhere.

Yuder didn't touch the snacks but lifted the teacup instead. For a while, not a word was exchanged between the two. Just as a mild curiosity began to arise about who would speak first, Nathan Zuckerman finally broke the silence.

"The Duke has been making some unusual requests since yesterday."

"…What kind of requests?"

"He asked for sleeping pills, which he had stopped taking since becoming an Awakener. He also took some headache medicine. He even ordered me to bring old historical books based on scriptures and grimoires written in ancient script. These were rare books, primarily designated as restricted and unavailable outside the imperial library."

"…"

"I suspect that these strange requests are somehow connected to Sir Aile. What do you think?"

Sleeping pills, headache medicine, and restricted books.

Each was surprising in its own way.

'So Kishiar has... continued to have those dreams?'

Despite the fragrant aroma rising from his tea, Yuder couldn't discern its flavor. After a lengthy silence, he nodded.

"It seems your suspicions are likely correct, Sir Zuckerman."

"You once told me to always be cautious and do my utmost to protect the Duke."

"…"

"The Duke wished for me not to give any advice regarding this matter, so ordinarily, I should have kept my mouth shut. However, right now, I'm telling you this as a precaution."

With a stern and impassive face, the southern knight spoke quietly.

"There are times when I think you might already know everything there is to know about not only this Cavalry and the Peletta Knight Order but also about me, the Duke, and others. It's an absurd thought, but sometimes, intuition goes beyond what's visible."

For a moment, the air between the two seemed to freeze. Yuder listened intently to Nathan's words.

"I don't doubt the Duke has had similar thoughts. Yet the fact he says nothing suggests that whoever you are, whatever you are, doesn't matter."

"…"

The heavily weighted words burrowed deep into his ears.

"I've placed the items the Duke requested under that desk over there. You're the only one who can understand his intentions after examining them, so take a look and make your judgment."

Yuder rose from his seat and walked toward the spot Nathan had indicated. Indeed, hidden from casual view were a few stacks of books and documents.