Turning
chapter-606

Kishiar was a man incredibly adept at reading the room, almost to the point where you might think he could read minds. Meeting Yuder's gaze, Kishiar seemed to immediately sense that Yuder hadn't just arrived. He maintained silence, offering no excuses.

Slowly, Yuder advanced until he stood close to him. He halted at a distance where he could reach out and touch the strategy game board on the table.

Even though he had only been here for less than a week, the game board was covered in faint marks, visible up close. Seeing the marks, particularly concentrated in certain spots, gave him a feeling akin to having a knife twisted in his gut.

Yuder was about to express his emotions openly, but he stopped short upon locking eyes with Kishiar's red irises.

It's good that he's seen everything and learned the truth. But what would be the most appropriate thing to say in this situation?

Why are you doing this?

Why did you hide this from me?

I’ve always suspected something. Now that I’ve seen everything, can you please be honest?

"…"

No. None of these questions seemed fitting for a conversation with Kishiar.

'I don't want to interrogate him.'

The questions he'd thought of sounded accusatory, as if he were talking to a criminal caught in the act. This was the first time that his lack of eloquence felt overwhelmingly cumbersome.

Growing frustrated with himself, Yuder sighed heavily. Finally, Kishiar broke the silence.

"You look vexed. You have a lot on your mind, don't you?"

"Indeed, it’s painfully clear that I lack the gift of gab."

"It doesn't matter. Just say what you want to say. I'll listen."

"That's exactly why I'm hesitating. I don’t want to say it carelessly."

"Even if I won’t take it that way?"

"To me, it matters."

"A difficult issue, isn’t it."

Yuder looked at Kishiar, whose lips faintly curled upward, and impulsively asked, "What would you say first in a situation like this?"

"Are you asking me what I would say to myself?"

"Is that not allowed?"

After his somewhat argumentative response, Yuder briefly regretted it. His bad mood had given rise to a defiant tone, something he hadn't employed in a long time. Yet Kishiar did not point this out; he just let out an even deeper laugh.

"Of course, there’s no rule that says you can't."

"…"

"If it were me, well, I’d scan the surroundings of the person I'm speaking to and say whatever comes to mind first. It's a good way to start a conversation."

Yuder glanced around the area where Kishiar sat.

A moment later, words flowed from his pallid lips in a voice slightly slower and heavier than usual.

"You haven't lit a single lamp or even put on an overcoat."

"…"

"It must be cold. Let me light the fire first."

No hand movement was needed. The moment Yuder blinked, a spark ignited in a small wall furnace and various lamps scattered around the room.

Following that, a thin stream of water gracefully flew through the air, filling two empty teacups. A breeze carried some tea leaves into the cups, and soon, warm steam began to rise from them.

Yuder pushed one of the completed cups of tea toward Kishiar.

"Please drink."

Kishiar, who had been staring pensively at his cup, eventually picked it up. Yuder, who had been slightly anxious about whether he would drink it, finally took his own seat across from him and sipped his share of the tea.

The warmth of the brewed water seemed to stabilize the boiling turmoil within. His mind became clearer. Kishiar's way of initiating conversation was indeed effective.

‘So... the important thing is the solution, not the situation itself.’

Yuder decided on what to say after taking a few more sips.

Deeply rooted in Kishiar La Orr's unusual behavior was a habit of suppressing himself to the extreme. He was incredibly harsh on himself, but his positive disposition and strong will allowed him to laugh off even the toughest challenges. This was the primary reason for his current state. However, the perfect shield of rationality and patience wasn't all there was to Kishiar.

He was, after all, human. Just because he could endure what most couldn't didn't mean he had no limits. The recent events were a good example, but Yuder knew of times when Kishiar had reached his limits even more profoundly.

It was Kishiar La Orr from his past life.

"When I told you about my experiences through the strategy games, there was one thing I didn't mention."

Kishiar blinked rapidly, perhaps finding the statement unexpected.

"I should have told you about the previous Commander, even if you thought it wasn't important."

Kishiar's fingers, which had been playing with his cup, stopped.

"Do you think I acted this way because of that? I didn't. And that story..."

"Yes. You said to speak when everything becomes clear and I want to tell. But it's not like the other things were so clear that I had to speak of them first, so it doesn't matter, does it?"

A golden light shimmered in Yuder's determined dark eyes.

"I want to tell you now. And you promised to listen to anything I had to say."

So, in front of Yuder's silent plea, Kishiar couldn't say anything more. Yuder moistened his dry lips with tea and took a deep breath.

He hadn't expected to talk about the Kishiar from his past life to the current Kishiar in this manner. But then, when had anything related to Kishiar ever gone as Yuder had planned?

Even after turning back time, the man before him had never acted as Yuder had predicted.

Perhaps that unpredictability was why they had the relationship they did now.

All the uncertainties, fears, deep regrets, and now-forgotten anger were gathered by Yuder to say the only thing he could for the man before him.

Even if Kishiar felt deeply disappointed or harbored negative feelings after hearing this story.

Still... it had to be done.

No, he desperately wanted to.

"You might only know the current me, but I know a different you."

"..."

"He was a Commander with cracks in his vessel, who had to watch those around him leave first. He stepped down, handing his position to a commoner, only to be assassinated by the very successor he had chosen."

Yuder stared into the eyes that seemed frozen in time, filled with old pain.

He must have had some idea from the clues and conversations they'd had so far. He wasn't overly surprised, but he was still shocked. The spreading emotions proved it.

"Yes, that successor was me."

"Yuder."

Kishiar called out his name in a low moan. Yuder didn't respond.

"After returning here, I realized that my memories from that time are not as clear as I thought they might be. There may be details I'm unaware of, but what is certain is that I undertook the task and completed it quite successfully. I can't deny that. For now, I'd like to start by talking about the kind of person the Commander was at that time."

"..."

Yuder began his tale, idly fiddling with a piece before him.

It all started when a twenty-year-old kid from the countryside managed to join the Cavalry and received his first greeting from the Commander.

"Initially, I don't think the situation was much different from now. It seemed that the issue with the Commander's leadership arose after the mission to retrieve the Red Stone."

However, after that, Kishiar was no longer able to manage the unit in the same meticulous way. Their first personal encounter during a swordsmanship training session, something they had once dreamt about, also occurred around that time.

"The Commander noticed me during his night rounds. I was absorbed in my swordsmanship training, isolated from the rest of the unit. That was the beginning."

“Capturing my mistakes masterfully, a sense of competitiveness grew within me, leading me to train rigorously. Apparently, the effort was not in vain; my name was called during the Deputy Commander announcements some time later. It felt burdensome, but on some level, I was proud to have my skills recognized.”

“However, that pride didn't last long. An incident occurred simultaneously with the manifestation of my second gender.”

Yuder pondered for quite some time on how to articulate the event, but his eventual words were concise.

"While discussing matters with the Commander as the Deputy, my second gender suddenly manifested. Given that it happened in a much more unexpected situation than now, the outcome was far from favorable."

Kishiar's eyes flickered ever so slightly.

"When I came to my senses, about a week had passed, and I started feeling emotions of others that I had never felt before. The Commander said he would find the reason for what happened to me... but I don't think I ever got that answer."

The reason for the uncertain tone was because he could no longer fully trust his memories from that time.

"Well, many other events transpired afterward. A horde of colossal monsters appeared in the west, causing most of the region to collapse. Many Cavalry members died or were injured and left the unit. Around the time these matters were concluding, I was nominated as the successor to the Cavalry Commander and learned what was necessary for the position."

"..."

“The death of Emperor Keilusa also occurred around that time. Crown Prince Katchian ascended the throne, and you stepped down from your Commander position.”

"Even after retreating to Peletta, it wasn't peaceful. Despite rumors swirling that you harbored rebellious intentions, you said nothing. Whether that was true or not, I still don't know. However, the assassination order issued against you was undoubtedly related to those rumors."

Yuder's narrative captured the events and emotions, laying bare the complexities of a time fraught with uncertainty and change.

Over the course of the year since Kishiar had stepped away, Emperor Katchian quietly observed Peletta. However, as rumors grew too intense to ignore, he had resorted to sending imperial knights as an indirect warning and pressure. Finally, he summoned Yuder and gave him his first secret mission.

Yuder still remembered the weight of the sword he had received from Emperor Katchian in the hidden passageway of the imperial garden that day.

"There’s no need for a separate report confirming the success of your mission. Prove to me why the Cavalry should continue to exist, Commander."

Kishiar's life and the future of the Cavalry.

Between the two, Yuder chose the latter and carried out the assassination of Duke Peletta with that sword.

A relationship, brief as it was, spanning only about two years, was thus severed.

"If you've listened up to here, you'd understand that I was not particularly close to the Commander at that time. Quite the opposite, in fact."

An entity forever incomprehensible. A figure who had only brought suffering after an inexplicable connection. A person who revealed nothing.

Yet, at the same time, he was the mentor who had taught Yuder everything, the senior who had left behind the Cavalry, and the only one with whom he had ever shared a relationship.

Yuder fell silent for a long while after finishing his story.

He had tried to recount the tale as objectively as possible, but whether he succeeded, he could not be certain.